


Destroyer of Worlds

by Poetry



Series: Dæmorphing [21]
Category: Animorphs - Katherine A. Applegate
Genre: Alien Culture, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Daemons, Andalites, Angst, Book 38: The Arrival, Book 40: The Other, Chatlogs, Daemons, Disability, Family, Moral Ambiguity, Multi, Teenage Drama, Worldbuilding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-24
Updated: 2018-12-19
Packaged: 2019-08-07 02:18:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 53,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16399517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Poetry/pseuds/Poetry
Summary: The Animorphs and their allies decide just how far they are willing to go, how much they are willing to compromise, which lines they are willing to cross, to win this war.





	1. <Blade to my own throat>

**Author's Note:**

> "I am become death, the destroyer of worlds." – J. Robert Oppenheimer, quoting the Bhagavad Gita as he watched the test of the atomic bomb he helped create.
> 
> As usual, I owe my plot consistency to litluminary and my best jokes to LilacSolanum, among many other things. I could never have embarked on this epic-length series without such diligent beta reading.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Encyclopedia of Concepts and Imagery in Andalite Thought-Speech  
> Entry: Forgiveness  
> «Blade to my own throat»  
> «Swift action; righteousness through deed»

**Aftran Plisam Pool**

 

**#AllAges**

Welcome to the all-ages message well. Please check the well rules for a list of restricted topics that can only be discussed in the adult wells.

 

**[Chee][Admin] Bachu**

[ _Alert emoji_ ] Attention Aftran Plisam Pool! Thanks to the hard work of a generous benefactor, the Aftran Plisam Pool is now connected to the human Internet! We have not been able to render images in a way that is accessible to Yeerk senses, unfortunately, but I have deployed auto-translation of all text into Yeerkish, based on existing accessibility architecture for sightless humans.

 

**Mielan 71**

[ _Emoji of Yeerk swimming around in circles. Indicates confusion._ ] There are sightless humans? I thought the whole point of humans was that they could see!

 

**Akdor’s Worst Nightmare**

@Mielan 71, what have you learned about how to talk about other species?

 

**Mielan 71**

[ _Emoji of Yeerk flattening against the bottom of the Pool. Indicates resignation, submission, embarrassment._ ] Talk about humans like they’re people, not like they’re computer terminals.

 

**Akdor’s Worst Nightmare**

That’s right.

 

**Mielan 182**

[ _Emoji of sparks dancing around a Yeerk. Equivalent of laughter._ ] Oooh, @Mielan 71, that’s your second demerit today for talking about hosts like meat-bags!

 

**Akdor’s Worst Nightmare**

@Mielan 182, might I remind you that you can also get demerits for bullying your spawn-siblings?

 

**[Chee][Admin] Bachu**

[ _Alert emoji_ ] Before you log into the Aftran Plisam Pool’s Internet connection, you will need to read and affirm your understanding of our security protocols. In brief, you must not reveal any sensitive information about the war, including your identities as aliens. As far as any human on the Internet is concerned, you are fellow humans logging on. I have deployed filters on your terminals to prevent you from revealing yourselves, but still, I would like to make sure you understand our policies. Of course I leave the care of your children to your discretion, but I would ask that children not be permitted to use the human Internet unless directly supervised by an adult.

 

**[Admin] Eslin 825**

That seems to me a perfectly reasonable request, @Bachu.

 

**Mielan 34**

What do humans do on the Internet?

 

**Seerow’s Heir**

My former human host mostly used it to view images of other humans engaging in reproductive behaviors. However, I believe they can also use it in much the same way we use the Pool intranet: to access information, and to discuss relevant topics.

 

**Ifflek 508**

Oh, this is excellent. I’ve missed the latest Ally McBeal. Now I can read the recaps online.

 

 

**AOL Chat Room**

 

**The Crash Pad – A Place to Start**

 

**OnlineHost**

****GreenSky has entered the room.****

 

**GreenSky**

Hello everyone. I would like to discuss the ethics of war and conquest. Which chat room would be a good place to do that?

 

**Blksnakexxxx**

A/S/L?

 

**SweetEzcape101**

Whta a fukin nerd lol

 

**PHaTMoNkEy**

r u my social studies teacher? better get back 2 writing my essay 4 ur class roflmao

 

**GreenSky**

I am new to using the Internet. I just want some advice.

 

**OOo_KawaiiChica_oOo**

hiiiiii newbie! X3 *glomps you*

 

**ILoveMyChevyTruck69**

Type 9 if ur a woman with a pic

 

**SailorNeptuneRox**

Hey GreenSky, my friend hangs out on an IRC channel where they talk about stuff like that sometimes.

 

**SailorNeptuneRox**

Check out the #philosophy channel on the Undernet server.

 

**Illim**

As we walked down that long stair to the Pool, something about it bothered me enough – or bothered me more than usual, rather – that I pulled from Julian’s mind a memory of walking down to the Pool a year ago, for comparison.

Examining the memory, the difference today was striking in a way it hadn’t been, living through the gradual changes every three days. The Pool had once been like a resort under construction; now it was like a fortress. There were noticeably more Hork-Bajir-Controllers here now – not because there were more of them, but because the Vissers were more reluctant now to keep them at satellite facilities. Now there were guards watching people in the Pool, not just watching against external threat. There was less laughter and relaxation to counterbalance the screams and cries of the caged.

Julian’s gaze fell toward a familiar cage, and I realized with a jolt that our feeding schedule was aligned again to when it had once been. Cage Four, tef-rane, late afternoon shift. Jeannie, Vilahri, and the others. Ever since I offered Julian his freedom and he chose to become my voluntary host, he’s been a world apart from them, on the other side of the bars. But for as long as I still fed on tef-rane, late afternoon, he would seek them out and probe at them, like a sore tooth, no matter how much their glares of hatred burned him.

 _Soon,_ Julian promised silently, meeting his former cagemates’ burning eyes for just a moment. _You’ll be free soon._ It felt true. One way or another, maybe by their deaths, they would be free soon. The war for Earth was at some kind of turning point. I could feel it already, and when I left Julian for the Pool, I could taste it in the water.

“How’s your rane been?” a complete stranger greeted me before I could even get a good soakthrough of Kandrona. I knew what this was. More and more, low-ranking poolies trying to curry favor with the Vissers would hang around the deinfestation pier, waiting to talk to hosties about how they might better serve the Empire today. I’d managed to avoid them before, but they were getting really aggressive now, it seemed.

I couldn’t afford to blow the flunky off, not with the level of scrutiny in the Pool right now. I would just have to make the best of it. “May the Kandrona shine and strengthen you, poolmate,” I said, smoothly polite. I swam away from the pier, and the flunky kept pace. “My name is Iniss 799. My rane has been very productive. I got new facilitation training from my Sub-Visser.”

“Oh, facilitation training. You must have been chosen for the new Sharing initiative! How lucky! Well-met under the Kandrona, Iniss 799. I’m Methit 2002.”

“New Sharing initiative?” I said, keeping my electric fields light and curious. “You must be more current on the news than I am – I just got here from a long day at my host’s work. I would love to hear more about it, Methit 2002.”

“Your Sub-Visser hasn’t told you yet? It’s very exciting! Visser One’s initiative to recruit disabled and homeless humans has been very successful. So she’s expanding it to include other humans despised by this primitive society: migrants who have traveled here from other parts of the planet. These migrants’ languages are not spoken and their needs not met. The Sharing will provide what they need and recruit more voluntary hosts. And you’ll be a part of it!”

With sick shame, I remembered the translations of Sharing materials into Spanish I’d been doing with Julian. It was now part of a larger operation to recruit immigrant communities to the Sharing. People abandoned by the system, who’d flock to an organization that offered acceptance. Visser One truly was a monster. “It’s a clever scheme,” I said, truthfully, because in unbalanced moments like these it was hard for me to actually lie. “I’ll see you soon, Methit 2002.” And I swam as quickly as I could to an intranet terminal.

There was no point telling the Peace Movement message well about this. They would already know. It would be better to discuss this in person with a friend I could trust. I sent out a ping to my old friend Helen, who had taught me how to overturn the Empire in my own mind, and met her in a place she deemed free of Empire eavesdroppers.

“I heard about the new Sharing initiative,” I told her, clipped. “And got practically pounced on by a Visser-lover as soon as I landed in the Pool. What’s going on around here?”

“Hey,” Helen said, sensing the tension crackling through my electric fields. She swam a tight circle around me. “Hey. I can see that encounter really stressed you out. I’m sorry, Illim. It’s just that none of the poolies want to get ‘exiled’ to one of those disabled hosts the Vissers keep an eye on all the time. They think showing their loyalty will protect them. More and more Yeerks are just disappearing from the Pool, especially since the news about the rogue Pool has spread. It’s a legend now. People want to go there.”

“I want to take them there,” I said miserably. “But I can’t do it myself, and the Andalites – ” My fields buzzed with embarrassment. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know they were humans either, not until the Empire forced the issue – they always disguised themselves around me. I’m still used to thinking of them as Andalites. Anyway. They’re human children. We all know that now. They’re on the run from the Empire, and that’s taking up all their attention right now. I can’t ask them to do another rescue mission to the Pool.”

“That may not be necessary,” Helen said slowly. “Is it true that the Aftran Plisam Pool is now connected to the human internet?”

“Yes,” I said. The Chee had been vague about whose idea it was, but once I figured out who’d done it, I was going to thank them. “How did you know?”

“ClassOne – they have a human host – got a message through the human internet from someone who appeared to be communicating from the Aftran Plisam Pool. But of course we were suspicious. Thank you for confirming.” Helen twined her palps with mine, and I could sense her determination and hope. “We have a communication channel open. We have people in the Movement with hosts. We have everything we need to rescue _ourselves_ , Illim.”

“It’ll be dangerous,” I said helplessly.

“Ten Peace Movement poolies have been Kandrona-starved this quarter,” Helen said. “We know the danger we’re in. And it’s no more than what you face every day.”

I stayed the rest of my feeding time like that, just letting her hold me by the palps, supporting me in the way only a Yeerk can do for another Yeerk. As the time came to go to the infestation pier, she could feel my dread about having to tell Julian about the Sharing’s new initiative, how it would make him feel knowing how we would have to use his Spanish against immigrants like his mother and his late wife.

“We all have to make ugly bargains living under the Empire,” Helen said gently. “I’m sure your host knows that by now. It’ll hurt, but he’ll understand.”

So carefully, carefully I rejoined my mind to Julian’s. And he said, «I heard a terrible thing. From the other voluntaries.» He pulled up the memory of his fingers being forced to type translations of propaganda in the language his mother taught him. Forced by me. Then Inez, who’d had to work so hard to find her way as a Peruvian immigrant in California, how she would have leapt at the offer of help –

«I know,» I said. «I’m so sorry.»

 

**Ax**

After the humans of the valley consumed their morning meal, I took Loren aside and said, «Are you ready to apologize to Tobias?»

Jaxom’s head and tail drooped. Loren’s face flushed with irregular pink splotches. “Past ready. I just haven’t figured out how, exactly.”

«My people have a ritual for this occasion. Do you know of it?»

“I – oh, sweet Jesus, that one. You might want to try something else.”

The fur along the bend of my spine stood on end. I said, «You may make amends in your preferred way, and I in mine. Nonetheless, I believe the apology will have the best impact if we make it together. Tobias is in the valley today. Now is our opportunity.»

Loren brushed some pine needles out of Jaxom’s fur. “Fine. Fine, you’re right. I need to stop going over it in my head again and again and just do it.”

I considered how to find Tobias. It would be impolite to simply fly around the valley in my harrier morph and dive to wherever I spotted Tobias. Even if it was undoubtedly what Tobias would do in my place, I had to do this my own way. So I approached a tree rustling with two Hork-Bajir harvesting bark. «Excuse me. Have you seen Tobias?»

One Hork-Bajir looked to her companion, tilting her head in a question. The companion spared me a glance as she carved a strip of bark with her elbow blade. “Friend Tobias walk to firs east of human eating fire. Human shape.”

«Thank you,» I said. It was like tracking down a War-Prince at the military academy: everyone knew where the important people were.

When we found Tobias, he was anointed with flowers, and he was in the middle of some human exercise routine, his body folded in a strange shape. I had seen him in a flower garland once before, and as it had then, it squeezed my hearts. I wanted to anoint Tobias with flowers from Firi Dria when it finally blossomed one day, since he had no Guide Tree of his own. There were no words I knew how to say that would prove how much I truly loved him, despite all the pain I’d caused him. If only he could see me gather fallen flowers from the tree that bloomed with my soul, and lay them on his body so the flower-language of my tree spoke to him, that would speak how I felt better than thought-speech ever could. But I had to make do with what I had.

“Tobias?” Loren said.

Tobias froze. He blinked. He hadn’t noticed us. Even in human morph, that rarely happens. He unfolded himself slowly from his contortion. Elhariel fluttered to a tree branch closer to us and said, “I’m with Rachel right now. So if you’re here to make me feel like crap about it, do your worst, but she _will_ keep a grudge and she _will_ make you sorry.”

«I do not see her anywhere,» I said. As an Andalite trained to use his stalk eyes in constant vigilance, I can perceive a scene more thoroughly than any human could.

Elhariel flew to Tobias’s shoulder. She tapped gently at his temple. “Here.” She and Tobias stared at me defiantly. I could almost imagine I saw Rachel’s ferocity behind his eyes.

Loren took a deep breath. She said, “That’s fine. She can stay if you want.”

I would have much preferred her to leave, but it did not seem to be the correct time to say so.

Tobias pressed his lips together, staring us down, assessing. Then he shook his head and said, “No, she’ll go.” He held his hand up to his ear. I forced myself to watch, to confront the reality of what it was that he and Rachel did. Loren did too, for a moment, then looked away, only Jaxom’s poorer eyes still on them. The demorphing process was even more grotesque than usual, but Tobias watched it too.

When the morph was complete, Abineng tossed his head and snorted. Rachel said, “If you two make things worse, I swear to God I’ll – ”

Elhariel landed on Abineng’s head and whispered something in his ear. Rachel relented, nodded stiffly, and left. Tobias held out his palm for his dæmon and stroked a fingertip along her back.

Loren gathered Jaxom up in her arms and took a step toward him. “We came to say we’re sorry. Ever since we went to visit my old friends from my support group and they reminded me how long I wished I could be a mother to you – I realized I haven’t been much of a mother to you at all. Not when I wouldn’t even listen to you. So I went to talk to the new-frees. I’ve been listening to them. I – I can’t say I get it, but I think I might understand. Why you do what you do. I don’t think it’s wrong. And I wish I’d let you explain it to me.”

Tobias stared at Loren in his disconcerting hawk-like way, still petting Elhariel gently. “I believe that you’re sorry,” she said. “And that you’ve changed your mind. But it doesn’t undo what you said to me.”

“I know,” Loren said. “I remember. I said you didn’t know how to love people. I was _wrong_.” Tears overflowed her eyes. “There are so many ways to love, and you have yours, and that’s the way it ought to be.”

Elhariel leaned into Tobias’s fingers suddenly, a longing for comfort that rarely showed so clearly in her. Tobias’s face did not change, stony and laser-eyed. “I’m glad you talked to them.”

It was my turn. I imagined myself doing the ritual for forgiveness. Telling him what I had done wrong, what I had done to make it right, and baring my throat to his blade. Tobias would know what that gesture meant. In my mind’s eyes, he recoiled from that tilt of my head, from the invitation to violence it represented. Loren had been right. The Andalite ritual would feel right to me, but not to him. And this apology was not about me.

I bowed my head instead, in the human gesture of submission, though keeping my stalk eyes aloft. «Tobias, I told you did not want your love any longer, because I thought it was tainted by what you do with Rachel. I was a fool. When I heard you speak with Tom, I realized you may know more about love and compassion than anyone I have met. I will not say I truly understand why you believe what you do about Yeerks and infestation, but that day I decided you must understand something I cannot yet see. I followed your lead in kindness and set out to help the Yeerks of the Aftran Plisam Pool. I have connected them to the human Internet, so they can grow to learn and appreciate as much from human culture as I have. I have done this to make it right between us, and to show you in deed as well as thought that I am sorry.»

Finally, movement in Tobias’s face. His eyelids fluttered rapidly. His breath caught. “Ax, I – I missed you. I missed you so much and I thought you’d never speak to me again. Or if you did, that you’d always look at me like – the way you did that day.”

«I missed you, too, Tobias,» I said. «And I have to live knowing it was my own stubbornness that pushed you away.»

Elhariel let out a soft laugh. “I gotta say, I can’t wait to see what those Yeerks do on the internet. I’ve gotta go visit and see.”

“Go visit,” Tobias murmured. “That’s it. Yeah. Okay. If the Yeerks have internet now – you have internet in your scoop, Ax. Talk to them. Get to know them. Come back and tell me about it.”

I didn’t have the first idea what a Yeerk and I could possibly have to say to each other. But if that was what it would take to earn back Tobias’s trust, I would find something. «Very well. Thank you for hearing us.»

“It was about time,” Tobias said softly. “I’m going to go find Rachel now.”

“Have a nice date,” Loren said.

Tobias flushed. “If you tell me to use protection again, I am going to – ”

«Do you believe Tobias requires protection?» I asked Loren. «If so, I will happily stay and – »

“I’ll be _fine_ ,” Tobias said, and stomped off through the leaves.

“That went better than I’d hoped,” Loren said. “But what are we supposed to talk about with _Yeerks_?”

«You did not answer my question,» I said. «Does Tobias require protection? If so, I am qualified to help.»

Loren sighed deeply. “Don’t worry about it, Ax. He’ll be fine.”

 

**Jake**

At some point after the crying, after the questions about how come Tobias got the morphing power back, after the prayers to the Ellimist (which had been so far beyond disturbing they’d left me speechless) and the recap of the battle, after the words Tom tore from his chest about incinerating the dead as his clock ticked down to nothing, after the interrogation about every decision and how it could have been made differently and the argument about whether the Hork-Bajir had even been worth saving, after the explanation of where Delareyne had gone and why they couldn’t get her back, after the litany of all the close calls the Animorphs had had with getting trapped in morph, after Tom’s half-hearted reassurances that it wasn’t so bad, really, he’d be fine – after all of that, I sat with my family around the embers of a dying fire and listened as my parents told me and my brother we couldn’t fight in this war anymore.

“It’s too dangerous,” Mom said. “This family has already lost so much. We can’t lose any more. We just _can’t_.”

I doubled forward and laughed, long and twisted and ugly. It felt like when you’re really sick and you have to cough up all the mucus and crap in your lungs. Merlyse, perched on my shoulder, said, “Why do you think I threw myself into this fucking meat grinder in the first place? I – ”

“Jacob Berenson!” Mom said. “We do not use language like that in our house!”

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but we’re not _in_ our house anymore! We can’t be, because it’s crawling with Yeerks right now!”

“I know,” Mom said tearfully, clutching Malachet to her chest. “You got us out here. We’re safe now. So why can’t you give it a rest?”

“We’re safe for now,” I said hoarsely. “The Yeerks will probably find this place eventually. We’ll have to be ready for when they do.”

“Fine,” Dad said. “The war is still on. I get it. But why can’t this be on somebody else? We’ve been through enough.”

 _They’re like us, two years ago,_ Merlyse thought sadly. _They’re like lost little kids._

“Like who?” I demanded. I held up my hand and started ticking off fingers. “Toby’s already the president of a nation of freed slaves. She can’t be the general of this whole war on top of that. You guys and the other parents don’t know any of what’s going on. The former Peace Movement Controllers know enough, but no one else trusts them because they love Yeerks. The Chee are pacifists. All that’s left are the Animorphs. You think I shouldn’t be doing this, huh? Who should we put in my place? Let’s see. How about Marco, you think he would take it any easier? His _mom_ is still out there in the line of fire. Same with Cassie. Rachel? You think _she_ should be in my place?”

Tom cut off my rant. «Mom. Dad. Jake is the best person to do this. Our best hope. He knows how to make the right call. I’ve seen it. I believe in him.»

Mom took Tom’s thick fingers in her hands. She shook with passion. “How can he have made the right calls if he let this happen to you?!”

Tom growled and shook Mom’s hands off. «Take that _back_ ,» I heard him say. «Don’t you say that to him!» But if Mom wanted to apologize, it was too late. I was already walking away, and crumpling the whole jagged mess into a little ball of hurt just below my breastbone.

I went to the yurt where Rachel and her family were set up, because she was the only one besides Tom I could really talk to about this. Before I ducked in, Merlyse peeled off to perch on Abi,who couldn’t fit inside. Rachel and Naomi were hanging out on one bed, while on another Dan read a book to Sara and Jordan, even though Jordan was too old to be read to. I stopped for a second to look at Rachel and my aunt, whose blue jay dæmon watched over the younger children. Merlyse was a lot like him. But the blue jay just survived the winter. The gray jay needed it.

Uncle Dan paused and looked up from the book. Gheselle got up and walked a circle around me, purring in a low, soothing rumble. “How’s Tom and Delareyne?” she said. There was a slight emphasis on _Delareyne_ , as if saying her name would help her remember she still existed, somewhere beyond our senses.

I looked at Aunt Naomi. “Mom and Dad are making it worse,” I said. “They’re telling him he can’t fight in the war anymore. Like he’s a little kid and they can ground him. They won’t listen to me.”

Naomi’s face hardened. She held out her hand for Caedhren and stood. “I’ll talk to them, Jake. You just take it easy here with us.” Caedhren clacked his beak a little threateningly. I wasn’t sure Naomi would help the situation, exactly, but at least she’d keep my parents busy for a little while. Tom could use the break.

“I’m really sorry about Tom,” Jordan said in a small voice, clutching Tseycal as an otter in her arms. Her eyes were rimmed with red.

“Me too,” I said, taking Naomi’s place next to Rachel. I studied Sara and Dan. Sara, with Zyanya a spider nesting in the tangle of her hair, was glued to his side, his arm wrapped tightly around her. With his free hand he found his place on the page again. His fingers trembled a little. When Gheselle went back to him, she worked her claws on a canvas bag at the foot of the bed, kneading and scratching with a faraway look in her yellow eyes.

“So they’re gonna be assholes about this, huh?” Rachel said, crossing her arms.

“Looks like it.” I lowered my voice. “What’s up with Uncle Dan? He looks worse off than your sisters. Was his Yeerk really bad or…”

“Essa sucked, yeah,” Rachel said. “He broke Dad up with his boyfriend up in Seattle, and he did it in the _shittiest_ way ever, right when he was about to – ”

I choked on air. “His _boyfriend_? _What_?” I hissed, very aware that Dan was just on the other side of the yurt.

Rachel threw her hands up. “Oh my _God_ , Jake, did Jean and Steve not tell you why my parents divorced?”

“They just said they didn’t love each other anymore,” I said in a small voice.

She made a disgusted sound in her throat. “They fed you bullshit. It’s because Dad’s gay.”

“Then why did he marry Naomi in the first place?”

“Some people take a while to figure it all out! It’s not easy, you know. _Anyway_ , Dad’s piece-of-shit Yeerk dumped his boyfriend Aasif right when they were about to move in together, and now Dad doesn’t know if he got infested or what, and he’s worried out of his mind and doesn’t know how to talk about it.”

I looked back at Dan and Gheselle. The canvas bag was already scuffed up from her claws. Dan had deep bags under his eyes and worry lines at his temples. He was really torn up about Aasif, and he had no way to find out what had happened to him. I could imagine how he felt. If I thought Marco might have been taken and there was nothing I could do but imagine all the things the Yeerks could be doing to him, I’d be at least that bad off. I’d –

 _Wait a second,_ Merl said from outside, catching my thoughts. _Dan and Aasif are boyfriends. How would Marco being taken be the same?_

 _I don’t know. I just –_ Memories fell on my head like bricks. Marco infesting me, and how it had been somehow almost okay, in a way it could be with him and Cassie and nobody else in the world. Holding Marco tight in my arms as he sobbed with relief that his mom wasn’t dead. The way Dia had wrapped around Merl as a snake to comfort her after they rescued Tom, even though she was so scared of touch after David. Marco in wolf morph, rubbing against my leg, licking my hand, and how it hadn’t even felt weird. _No, no, Merl,_ I thought. _He’s not my boyfriend. He’s my best friend and my lieutenant. It’s not like I think he’s hot or anything._

_He looks like Miss Eva, and she’s hot, right?_

_Oh my GOD, Merl, you made it WORSE, how could you have made it WORSE,_ I said, clutching at fistfuls of my hair.

 _Well, okay, what about Cassie?_ Merl said.

 _Cassie’s not my girlfriend. I do like her though. She’s not hot like Miss Eva, she’s like, strong and comforting, and her hair smells like hay, and she has that beautiful look on her face when she’s taking care of an animal. I like Cassie. I’m not gay. But Marco IS like Miss Eva, right, he’s got long eyelashes and big black eyes and long shiny hair like a movie star and – Fuck. Fuck. Shit._ I looked at Dan with new respect. If this was what he’d felt like when he’d divorced Naomi – no, it couldn’t have felt like this. I wasn’t dating Cassie or Marco. I was just confused. But what was I supposed to do?

 _Ask Dan?_ Merl suggested.

 _I can’t ask my UNCLE if I’m GAY,_ I thought, horrified.

Rachel thumped me on the shoulder and hissed, “Stop staring at him! He’s not a different person all of a sudden because he’s gay! If you’re going to be a dick to him about this I will _end_ you, Jacob Berenson.”

“I won’t!” I whispered back. My mind raced. I couldn’t ask anyone who would act all weird about it. Maybe a Hork-Bajir. But would they even get what I was talking about?

I was saved from thinking about all of that by a caw from Merl outside. Rachel’s eyes glazed over as she went into four-eye. “There’s a Hork-Bajir messenger for us. She says Mr. King brought an Andalite to the valley.” Her eyes sharpened. “He’s been with the Chee for three days. He’s not a Controller.”

 

**Ax**

I ran to the meeting rock so fast I nearly skidded on the rain-damp grass like a child. When I arrived, I corrected my bearing, holding my torso, stalk eyes, and tail just so. There was a free Andalite on Earth, and I had to make the correct impression.

It could be a trick, of course. This free Andalite could be a traitor. I would never forget the lesson of the _Ascalin_. But then my mind skidded, just like I had moments before, over-excited and naive. If I was to accept Tobias’s premise that it was not inherently evil to choose to be infested by a Yeerk, then what did it mean to be a traitor? If Cassie was not a traitor to the Yeerks, then had Captain Samilin been?

No. Of course he had been. He had condemned hundreds of Andalite warriors to death. I could accept the premise that infestation was not inherently evil, and still condemn betraying our cause to the Yeerk Empire as evil. The free Andalite we were about to meet could be a traitor like Captain Samilin. It was only that treachery might not have the same meaning now as it had then.

Toby Hamee was here, as were Rachel, Cassie, and Marco. Chee-alem, who had found the Andalite, was here with Chee-exnis. There was no sign of another Andalite.

I said privately to Toby, «Is this meeting the appropriate time to make our proposition?»

Toby announced, as if unprompted, “This is just going to be a small meeting. Me, the Chee, the Animorphs. The Chee have said that our guest is… unready to face a large audience.”

I did not know how to interpret this statement.

Loren joined me, Jaxom scanning all around with his ears, perhaps seeking the Andalite as I was. And then Tobias came, and landed on a branch directly above me and Loren.

Cassie’s eyes flicked up to Tobias, then back down to me and Loren. Of course she had noticed. The corners of her mouth and eyes turned upward.

Prince Jake came last. He and Merlyse looked expectantly to the Chee. “So, uh, where is he?”

Exnis’s false coyote dæmon scuffed at the dirt with a paw. “He is here, but uh, not prepared to be visible just yet.” He looked at me sideways. “I don’t know if Aximili has informed you all about Andalite norms about disabilities, but…”

“Oh, we’ve heard all about it,” Loren said acidly. I turned all my eyes away from her and lowered my tail.

Exnis said, “Our Andalite guest is in seclusion for this reason. I’ve tried to convince him to show himself, but he’s been… reluctant. So I’m respecting his wishes and covering him with a hologram.”

The only other free Andalite on Earth was a _vecol_. I searched my hearts’ reactions to this news. Disappointment, that he was not the great warrior I’d hoped for. Shame, that he would abase himself because he believed about himself what I once believed about Loren. Brotherhood, an urge to clear a welcoming field for him.

Prince Jake sighed and rubbed his face. “I’m sorry, but he needs to come out and show himself. We can’t afford to trust someone who hides.” Then Merlyse flew to a low branch near me and whispered, “Say something.”

«What should I say?» I asked privately.

“You’re the Andalite here,” she said. “Show him you’re cool with him.”

I considered. I asked Exnis privately, «Was he a warrior?» His dæmon nodded to me.

«My prince would honor you for your service,» I broadcasted, not knowing where he might be.

Scanning with my stalk eyes, I caught it instantly when the hologram dropped. He was standing behind the tree line, obscured by brush. Nonetheless, I could see the stump where his tail ought to be.

My hearts burned at the sight. It was sickeningly awful, unspeakably unfair, for an Andalite warrior to have been broken this way. And he was every inch the warrior, like someone off the murals at the _aristh_ academy. He must be one of those unfortunates with an allergy to the Escafil Device.

His stalk eyes swept over the humans. «The androids informed me that much of the resistance to the Yeerks on Earth is human. Which of you is prince here?»

I gestured politely with my tail toward Prince Jake. Merlyse flew back to his shoulder. «This is Prince Jake. His dæmon is named Merlyse.»

The former warrior seemed unsure what to do with himself. I understood why. All body language for Andalites, especially body language between warriors, includes the tail. I could not imagine how to greet a prince without mine. Finally, he rested three of his eyes on Prince Jake, showing focus on him, and bent his back legs, making himself smaller. «Prince Jake, I am Mertil-Iscar-Elmand. I come to you seeking protection. And bearing… news.» His ears lowered, and a hum of pained _djafid_ strained his thought-speech.

«Mertil-Iscar-Elmand,» I said, my hearts racing. He really _was_ on a mural at the _aristh_ academy. I realized I had spent so much time admiring his formidable tail in the mural that I hadn’t recognized him without it. «He is one of the greatest fighter pilots alive. He has earned great honor for his bravery in battle.»

Prince Jake nodded. “Welcome, Mertil. Speaking for the Animorphs, we’re happy to protect you from the Yeerks.” Merlyse turned her head to Toby. “The choice of whether you can stay here in the valley is not completely up to me, though. This is Toby Hamee, the leader of the free Hork-Bajir on Earth.”

“My people do not like or trust Andalites,” Toby said frankly. “But we do not want another Andalite taken captive by the Yeerks either. You may stay, as long as you agree to abide by our rules. The first rule is _do not reveal the location of the valley_. For you, that means _do not leave_ , until we trust that you may leave without compromising us to the enemy.”

«I will _never_ help the Yeerks,» Mertil said, a simmering poison in his words. «They took my _shorm_ from me.»

I staggered backward, as if I had taken a _torf_ to the front. «Took?» I said hollowly.

«Took,» Mertil said. «I have had to close off my end of the link between our minds, lest Visser Five find me. I only barely escaped as it was.» His impeccable warrior posture wilted, the upper part of his spine bowing backward, his arms falling limp at his sides. I could not imagine what it would be like to have such a long-established psychic link suddenly cut off. It was the stuff of epic _djafid_ -poetry. And for it to happen to Gafinilan and Mertil, whose love for each other was as well-known at the academy as Jennifer Aniston’s for Brad Pitt among humans. It would make the subject of a legend, if anyone ever told legends about _vecols_.

My blade fell like a dropped stone to the ground. Tobias landed on my back, and Loren pressed her fingers very gently to my upper arm. Another Andalite-Controller. It was a crushing loss.

“Visser Five has your _shorm_?” Marco said. “Is he collecting Andalite host bodies like a starlet collects Louboutins? What the hell is that about?”

«Marco,» Tobias said warningly.

“What, he’ll have one host for his professional work look and another for sexy evening wear? It doesn’t make any sense!”

Mertil said miserably, «Gafinilan-Estrif-Valad would not be a high-value host body to them. His military intelligence is three years out of date, for one. For another, he has Soola’s disease. A degenerative muscle disease, incurable. He will die by the time the seasons change.»

“Still!” Marco said, waving his arms around. “He already has an Andalite host. It’d be a huge advantage for the Yeerks if they had two morph-capable Controllers running around, even if it’s not for the long haul.”

« _Marco_ ,» Tobias said, this time bordering on murderous.

«I am almost certain he is not infested,» Mertil said, his stalk eyes sagging down as if they weighed as much as stone. «I have not felt him attempting to re-open our link to find me, which I am sure a Yeerk would.»

«Gafinilan-Estrif-Valad,» I said numbly. «Another great warrior taken prisoner. His memory will be honored by the People.»

«It will not,» Mertil said. He looked to Chee-exnis in a silent plea to be hidden behind a hologram again. But he remained visible, a beacon of sorrow. «He will be remembered as a _vecol_ who allowed himself to be captured by the Abomination instead of ending his own life with grace.»

I had no response to this, as it struck me as most likely true. I wanted to tell him I would honor his memory, even if no other Andalite warrior would. But the words would not come. I felt like I was drowning.

“The second rule,” Toby said, much more gently this time, “is to stay to the north of this meeting rock. The southern end of the valley is for my people alone. Otherwise, respect us, and we will respect and defend you in return.”

«Thank you, Toby Hamee,» Mertil said. «I expect I will keep to my seclusion. I will cause trouble for no one.»

Loren leaned toward me and said, “Ax? Ax, can you hear me? I think we should go.”

«Yes,» I said vaguely. «Yes, we should go.»

Loren led me away, Tobias still riding on my back. “Do you want to talk?”

«Yes.»

“About what?”

«I do not know.»

Tobias said, «What did Mertil mean, about the link between his mind and Gafinilan’s?»

Loren said, “When two Andalites love and understand each other very deeply, they can form a link between their minds so they can send each other feelings and words even when they’re outside of thought-speech range.”

I stared at Loren with a stalk eye. She smiled. “Elfangor told me about it.” She shook her head. “It’s such a shame he has to cut himself off from the one he loves. And so terrible that he feels like he has to hide.”

«You’re not… you’re okay with it?» Tobias said.

“Okay with what?”

«You’re Catholic. Mertil and Gafinilan are both males.»

Loren reached down to stroke Jaxom between his horns. “I used to… follow the more common Church teachings about that. And then I volunteered at the crisis hotline and spoke to people whose lives were destroyed by those beliefs. And I changed my mind.”

«I do not understand what either of you are talking about,» I said, and Loren and Tobias fell silent. «I wish to speak with Mertil, but I find I do not know what to say. Nor do I know if he would break _vecol_ seclusion to speak with me.»

“He should break _vecol_ seclusion,” Loren said passionately. “It’s wrong. If I could just talk with him and tell him we’re not like the Andalites – “

«He just lost his _shorm_ in the worst way imaginable,» Tobias said. «We have to respect his grief, not fall on him like a pile of bricks.»

Loren gathered Jaxom in her arms and leaned back against a tree. “You’re right, Tobias. We have to approach him carefully. We’ll figure out the right time, Ax. You’ll have your chance to talk to another Andalite.”

«You should eat,» Tobias said. «You look out of it. You run, I’ll fly with you?»

I flicked a stalk eye toward Loren. “Go ahead,” she said.

I ran, my stalk eyes tracking Tobias overhead, and I realized just how much I’d missed doing this with my _shorm_ – and what it would do to me if Visser Five had stolen him away.


	2. <Stalk eyes on constant scan>

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Encyclopedia of Concepts and Imagery in Andalite Thought-Speech  
> Entry: Prey instinct  
> «Stalk eyes on constant scan»  
> «The warmth of the herd around me»

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where the fic really earns its violence warning, so prepare yourself. Much love to anyone who gets the reference to another nineties science fiction property I dearly love.

**De1nfestation - Instant Message**

  


**Class1Species**

Okay. If you’re really Deinfestation, then tell me your former host’s name.

  


**De1nfestation**

Takuya and Iwato-dan.

  


**Class1Species**

Okay. Great. So it’s really you. How’s it going over there?

  


**De1nfestation**

It’s chaos, in all honesty. We badly need a formal government. But chaos is much better than how we used to live. How you live.

  


**Class1Species**

We know. That’s why we want to get more of us out there. How many more can you take?

  


**De1nfestation**

According to the allies who built this place, twenty more, right now.

  


**Class1Species**

Who are these allies anyway?

  


**De1nfestation**

This is not a secure channel, ClassOne. This is the human Instant Messenger.

  


**Class1Species**

Right. Of course. We’ll open a secure channel soon. But for now, what I’ll say is that we have the means to smuggle out twenty more without, ah, outside help. Can you send someone to make the pickup, if we leave them at a safe drop?

  


**De1nfestation**

Yes, that can be arranged.

  


**Class1Species**

Good. We’ll be in touch.

  


  


**Internet Relay Chat**

  


**Server:** eu.undernet.org

 **Channel:** #philosophy

  


**GreenSky**

You’ve all introduced me to the ethics of moral obligation to others, but they’ve all been on an individual level. In the trolley problem you told me about, I have the life and death of the people on the tracks in my hands. But what if my whole society is the trolley? In other words, imagine I’m on the trolley with other people from my society, and the people on the tracks are from a different society. Only a few people on the trolley get to stand at the controls and decide where it goes. They’re planning to crash into the larger group of people on the track straight ahead, because they’re from a different group, so the drivers don’t care if they die. Most of the people on the trolley agree with the drivers. Do I have an obligation to fight my way to the front of the trolley, take over the controls, and switch to the other track? What if I have to hurt or even kill the drivers to do so? Am I morally responsible for what the trolley of my society does?

  


**DontPanic42**

Of course it’s not your responsibility. You’re not the one who set the trolley on its course. You might as well say the people tied to the tracks are responsible.

  


**AbrahamoLincolni**

The people tied to the tracks aren’t moral actors in this situation b/c they can’t *act.* Someone on the trolley, even if they’re not at the controls right now, *can* act. There’s no comparison.

  


**HegelwCreamCheese**

@DontPanic42 You’ve said in chat before that you’re a South African of Afrikaner descent. Are you seriously suggesting that the crimes of the apartheid regime have nothing to do with you?

  


**DontPanic42**

Are you saying I should have gotten myself thrown in jail with the freedom fighters? I was the first person in my family to go to university. I was trying to get an education while all of that was going on.

  


**HegelwCreamCheese**

A university your black countrymen couldn’t attend!

  


**DontPanic42**

*I* wanted them to attend. I wasn’t the one who got to decide. I wasn’t at the controls of the trolley. Was I morally obligated to fight my way to the front of the trolley and take over? I don’t think so.

  


**GreenSky**

Even if you were not obligated, @DontPanic42, do you think it would have been better if you had? Do you ever regret not doing so?

  


**DontPanic42**

Of course.

  


**DontPanic42**

I have friends who got arrested while I was safe at school. I think about that all the time.

  


**Tom**

I thought it was going to be hard to keep this terrible secret from my parents. To look them in the eye and tell them I was left behind by accident, that I was a _nothlit_ because of a terrible mistake. But my parents made it easy. They didn’t want the truth. About anything.

They didn’t want to understand what the Yeerks meant to do to humanity and the Earth, because if the Yeerks weren’t so bad as all that, then it wasn’t so terrible that they hadn’t noticed what they’d done to me. They didn’t want to understand that Jake was the general of the resistance because that meant they couldn’t tell him what to do. They didn’t want to understand that the Hork-Bajir are people, because that meant I had more than just a human family. They reacted just as badly to truth as to lies, so it almost didn’t matter what I said.

All Delareyne wanted to do was to curl up in a ball and have my parents pat me on the shoulder and tell me they’d love me and be here for me, no matter what. And sometimes, they did manage to do that. But mostly they were too lost in their own pain. So when I was done feeding them enough explanations and lies that they’d stop hurting Jake, at least for now, I went south of the meeting rock, to the Hork-Bajir.

Elgat Kar took one look at me and said in her language, “We need someone to look after babies.”

I would never agree to babysit multiple human babies at once, but Hork-Bajir babies are more self-sufficient. It sounded perfect. “I can help.”

So I sat and shaved off young bark from twigs for the babies, and told them all the fairytales and myths I could remember that would make any sense to them – they really liked Moses parting the Red Sea. After a while, Toby joined me with some twigs of her own, shaving them much more neatly than I could. “Ax and I are going to make a proposal at the meeting circle tonight. I would appreciate your support.”

I picked up a fussing baby by the base of their tail and swung them gently until they settled. “What is it?”

“We want to start a formal training regimen for new morphers.”

The world grayed out for a moment. I put the baby down. “Who?”

“My warriors, mostly. They’ve proven themselves. Maybe a few humans, if they can make it through the training.”

“Toby,” I said, “do you know what a psych eval is?”

“I believe I read about this in a book Tobias brought me – ah. I see your point. Luis the Chee and Elgat Kar can do those as part of training.”

“It should have been you,” I said, wrapping my tail protectively around a baby trying to wander off. “Who made the call about me getting the morphing power, I mean. Not Jake. Or at least you should have gotten a vote. You wouldn’t have let this happen to me.”

“No,” Toby said. “I wouldn’t have.”

“I’ll back you on this,” I said. “I’ll even give a talk about being a _nothlit_ for your training. They should probably learn about that, and Tobias’s situation isn’t exactly normal.”

“Thank you,” Toby said. “I really wasn’t sure if you would.”

“Look, if anyone knows how much we need more morphers who won’t fuck up, it’s me.”

“I don’t think everyone will be so easy to convince,” Toby said.

  


“Are you INSANE?!” Marco bellowed. Diamanta hissed and rattled her displeasure. “If even one person decides to morph a sparrow and fly off to rat us out to the Yeerks, we’re SCREWED! That’s it! Bye-bye Earth!”

«These new morphers will be Hork-Bajir warriors,» Ax said. «I find it difficult to imagine that any of them would trade the last free remnants of their people in to the brutal slavery they have all personally experienced.»

That got the whole meeting circle real quiet. I don’t think anybody but Toby and maybe Ax’s family expected him to speak up for the Hork-Bajir like that.

Peter said, “You want to give the morphing power to these guys? Are you, uh, sure they can handle the responsibility?”

Right. Peter was an astrophysicist. He looked at the Hork-Bajir and just saw a bunch of sweet slow giants. Primitives. The Hork-Bajir started muttering angrily to each other when Bek translated that for them.

Toby turned to the Animorphs. “You’ve fought alongside us multiple times now. What do you think?”

Rachel clenched her hand around Abi’s horn and said, “The Yeerks took _everything_ from them. They’re in it to win it. They deserve a chance to fight back with everything they’ve got.”

Quincy whispered in Cassie’s ear. She bit her lip and said, “Ax is right. They need training. We can’t let any more mistakes happen. But if they get through the training – I’d be proud to fight beside them.”

“What happens if the Yeerks take a morph-capable Hork-Bajir?” Jake said.

Toby looked at him levelly. “You know what we’ll do to avoid capture.”

Jake nodded grimly. I looked away as images swam before my eyes of dead Hork-Bajir with their wrist blades buried in their ruined throats.

Loren said, “You have a beautiful, peaceful society, and I’m sad to see you drawn deeper and deeper into this war. But I can’t deny you the right to defend your families, the way I defend mine.”

Tobias said, «You know I trust you, Toby.»

Diamanta studied the Hork-Bajir with her measured yellow eyes while Marco considered. He said, “You guys demorph, and you’re instantly dangerous, like Ax-man. There are no voluntary Hork-Bajir-Controllers. No collaborators. And you’ve been fighting the Yeerks as a team as much as us.” He exchanged a look with Dia. “I think the only question is why we didn’t do this sooner. What are we, stupid? I mean, just because they look like extras from Jurassic Park…”

“So you’ll teach my warriors, then?” Toby said, her eyes lighting up.

Jake looked uncomfortable. “We’ll try.”

“And you’ll approve my choices for the program.”

“You know them better than I do,” Jake said. “As long as they pass that psych eval you talked about, and we think they’ve done their training…”

Walter cleared his throat. We all turned to look. “Is this only for Hork-Bajir? I’m not saying I’m ready for the front lines – I’m not a warrior like some of them – but I think I could still help out if I could morph. I could hunt and forage to supplement our diet, which has some serious deficiencies, and patrol around the valley for any trouble. I’m a veterinarian. I think I’d be pretty good at it.”

Quincy flew to Emeraude for a furious whispered conference after that little speech. Cassie shifted around nervously, watching her dad sideways. I couldn’t blame her. Her mom was already in the worst kind of danger. She couldn’t like the idea of her dad taking any risks.

“I’d also like to try,” said Julie. “I’ll go through the same evaluation as everybody else, and I’m with Walter about not going into battle. But for all of us living here in the valley, there’s a lot more to the resistance than winning battles.”

Jake looked at me helplessly. I said privately, «It doesn’t all have to go the way it did with me. Not if you do it right.»

“I think our children have proved that Hork-Bajir and humans can learn side by side,” Toby said, also looking at Jake.

“I’m not an expert on what you might be able to do with morphing to help that isn’t…. You know,” Jake said. “But it sounds like you have some ideas, and maybe we need to start thinking about morphing that way too. If you can pass everything and you try to stay out of the fighting, then I don’t see why not.”

Jordan, sitting cross-legged next to Aunt Naomi, piped up. “Why can’t we fight with you? You’re not Hork-Bajir fighters. You’re just human kids, and so’m I.” Tseycal became a wolverine and showed his teeth.

“Jordan!” Naomi whisper-screamed, horrified. “You are _not_ going to fight!”

“Why not?” Jordan demanded. “I’m the same age Rachel was when she started being an Animorph.”

“And I was way too young,” Rachel said. “Hell, I’m still too young to enlist in the Army. But I’m in it now and I can’t go back. You have the choice not to get blood on your hands. Take it.” Abi went over to talk to Tseycal more quietly. He became a puppy and pressed himself against Jordan’s legs, whining softly.

“Thanks for bringing that up, Jordan,” Loren said dryly. “We should have an age minimum. We should let Toby set it for her people, but for humans…”

Jake looked at Jordan and said, “We’re only letting people who are already soldiers use morphing for combat. In this valley, that means Hork-Bajir. For non-combatant morphers…” He trailed off while Merlyse whispered in his ear. I could see his dilemma. It would be kind of hypocritical of him to set the age minimum at eighteen when none of the Animorphs were that old.

«No one younger than the Animorphs,» Tobias suggested. «That means fifteen and up.»

“Okay,” Jake said. “Let’s make a list.”

We ended up with eight humans and 24 Hork-Bajir signed up for the training program. Not all of them would make it through. But even then, it would be so much more than we had now. It would actually be a miniature army at Jake and Toby’s command.

I wouldn’t be a part of it. I’d be part of a squad of non-morphing Hork-Bajir warriors, a security detail for the valley itself. None of us were under the illusion that it could stay hidden forever. And every day, more and more, I found how much there was here to defend.

  


**Loren**

I waited for one of us to see Mertil. I didn’t care how secluded he was trying to be – without the Chee’s holograms, he couldn’t hide forever. It was Tobias who spotted him first, of course, though it took longer than I’d expected. «He’s coming toward Mr. King,» Tobias reported. «Wants to talk, I guess. This might be our moment. Walk north. No, that’s southeast!»

I threw up my hands in despair, knowing he would see it.

«Fine, fine, walk toward that rotting log with the mushrooms on it. Yeah, there!»

When I emerged from the undergrowth, I saw Mertil walk up to Chee-alem. I started to say, “Hello – “ but then they both disappeared under a hologram. “Um. Hello?”

The hologram dropped. Mertil’s stump was tucked down against his leg, his stalk eyes jittered in every direction, and his main eyes wouldn’t settle on me. Alem was as inscrutable as Chee always are. “Hi,” I said. “Uh, I didn’t mean to interrupt. It’s just that we were never introduced, and I wanted to meet you.”

«It is neither necessary nor appropriate for us to associate socially,» Mertil said stiffly.

I carefully kept myself still – he looked as if any sudden movement might spook him. “I know about the seclusion of _vecols_. Ax and I have talked about it at length. But there’s one thing he didn’t mention. Are _vecols_ allowed to associate with each other?”

Mertil’s main eyes fixed on me, his pupils blown out with shock. «I do not know. I became a _vecol_ here on Earth. If a community of _vecols_ exists on the homeworld, I have never been aware of it.»

“If there’s anything I know from being a _vecol_ , it’s that there almost certainly is, whether able-bodied people know it or not.” I bowed a little. “I’m Loren St. Clair. My dæmon is Jaxom. I was blind for twelve years, until the morphing power repaired my DNA. You might call me a former _vecol_.”

Mertil’s body lost a little of its tension. «There are Andalites who are like you – _vecols_ who were cured by the Escafil Device. They may rejoin society, but they still carry the stigma.»

“Psst,” Jaxom said. I tilted my head toward him. “Alem’s still here.”

It was easy to forget, the way he could hold himself perfectly statue-still, the way no living thing can. “Alem,” I said. “Could you give us some privacy?”

“Of course,” Alem said. “Though if you want real privacy, you might want to tell your son to stop hovering.” He walked away, in his curious android way, not swerving to avoid thorns or mud.

“That’s up to you,” I told Mertil. “I can tell Tobias to leave if you’d rather talk alone.”

«Your son Tobias is the bird nothlit,» Mertil said, watching him overhead with his stalk eyes.

“Yes.”

«I am sorry for his misfortune. But I would prefer to speak with you alone.»

I raised my voice just a little and said, “I’ll see you later, Tobias,” and I didn’t have to look up to know he would move on. I started to walk, knowing that Andalites prefer to talk while moving. “I hope you’ll talk to him later, though. It would mean a lot to him to get to know more Andalites, since he never got to know his father.”

«Forgive me if I am being rude, but what does Tobias’s father have to do with Andalites?»

I told him. It took a while, because he didn’t really believe me until I told the story in so much detail that he had to accept that I’d lived it. And then I got to the Ellimist stuff, and he didn’t believe any of that until I called Tobias back to show Mertil that he could morph.

«Surely there must be some other explanation,» Mertil said, stunned.

«For Elfangor getting his own body and the morphing power back and teleporting back into the middle of an important space battle against the Yeerks, and also me and my whole thing?» Tobias said.

“Also, we’ve all met an Ellimist,” I said. “Some of us multiple times.”

«He’s a dick,» Tobias said.

«I had already thought I had fallen into very strange company, in this valley of ancient androids and morphing humans and former Yeerk collaborators and free Hork-Bajir,» Mertil said. «But I had only begun to glimpse the truth of how singular this place is.»

«In other words, welcome to Crazytown,» Tobias said. «You’ll fit right in.»

“You will,” Jaxom said earnestly. “The Hork-Bajir don’t divide people into abled and disabled at all. It’s all the same to them.”

“Will you talk to Ax?” I said gently. “I can be there with you. But it would mean the world to him. He’s been stranded on Earth without any contact with his people for two years.”

«What would we speak about?» Mertil said.

“Tell him about Gafinilan,” I said. “He seemed really excited when you mentioned him before. Or talk about being a fighter pilot. I think he might have had a poster of you on his dorm room wall or whatever the Andalite equivalent is.”

«Posters. The human decorations made of paper? Gafinilan bought many of these with prints of beautiful Earth landscapes before he learned that they are indicators of lower caste status among humans.»

I felt like maybe Mertil had been insulted by the suggestion that there might have been an image of him on an “indicator of lower class status” in Ax’s dorm room, and opened my mouth to try to explain, but Tobias saved me from myself. «Speaking of how long Ax has been on Earth. How long have you been here, Mertil? The same as Ax, right? You were on one of the fighters with the GalaxyTree.»

«Yes.»

«Then you need to talk to Elgat Kar. She’s a Hork-Bajir who can help you.»

The fur along Mertil’s spine bristled upward. «Help me? I do not need help.»

«The _galan maheet_ ,» Tobias explained. «You’re past the deadline. So is Ax. Elgat Kar’s helped him with that.»

Mertil’s ears dropped, and he flattened his arms to his sides. «I had nearly forgotten.»

“Hey, it’s okay,” I said. “There’s nothing you could have done. There’s no way for you to go home and see your Guide Tree right now. But the Hork-Bajir are actually really good at this kind of thing.”

«Yes,» Mertil said woodenly. «Of course. If she will agree to see me in private… Yes.»

 _It’s Gafinilan_ , Jaxom realized. _He’s thinking of his partner enslaved, with the same illness of being too long from his Guide Tree, and no way of treating it._

“You’re not the only one with a loved one taken by the Yeerks,” I said. “That’s true for most of the Hork-Bajir here. You can talk to Elgat Kar about it when she comes to treat you. She’ll understand. They have her little child.”

«What would a Hork-Bajir know of the bond between me and my shorm?» Mertil said coldly.

I wanted to tell him there was more to the Hork-Bajir than he thought. I knew it was true. But it was also true that no Hork-Bajir, no non-Andalite, could understand the mental link between him and Gafinilan. Elfangor had told me about this kind of link, but as a human, I couldn’t share one with him. Looking back, maybe it was a good thing that we couldn’t – it would have been just one more thing to lose when he left me behind. So there was nothing I could say.

«I wish to return to the dignity of my solitude,» Mertil said. «I will find Aximili in my own time. I do not understand how this Hork-Bajir can ease the distance between me and my Guide Tree, but come find me when she is ready to try.»

He retreated into the woods, and my heart ached to watch him, reminded of how lonely and helpless I had once felt, blind and alone after the accident that wasn’t an accident had shattered my life.

  


**Toby**

“In a normal body, pain is an important signal,” Jake said, pacing around in front of his students while Merlyse flew with him, slightly out of phase. “It warns you that you’re doing something that could harm you. Putting your hand too close to a fire. Walking on rough terrain.” He gestured down at his feet, bare as the Animorphs’ usually were, since they couldn’t morph shoes. Come to think of it, they did look a little dirty and bloody from the uneven ground. “It hurts, you stop, you don’t damage yourself. This is a good thing. But in a morpher’s body, pain is almost useless. If you stick your hand in a fire and burn yourself, you can morph it away. If you trip on a rock and twist your ankle? Gone in four minutes tops.

“There’s only four things that can hurt or kill a morpher: one, getting trapped in morph. We’re going to have a whole other training session about that. Two, certain diseases that stick around from morph to morph. There’s an Andalite illness called _yamphut_ that does that, and who knows, there might be others. Three, something that kills you so quickly you don’t have time to morph. A Dracon beam or bullet to the brain.” He pointed to his own forehead. “Four – and this is a really important one – anything that stops your brain from being able to focus on a morph. You’re so exhausted from morphing you can’t concentrate. You’re so dizzy from blood loss you can’t picture your own body. _That_ is what will get you killed, and pain doesn’t help warn you when that’s happening. Every bone in your body can be crushed, and as long as you can focus on the morph, you’ll be fine. But if you’re mentally exhausted, you’re finished. Pain is useless to a morpher. It’s more important to check in with your brain, make sure you have focus, than to check in with your body.”

I looked out at Jake’s students – Jake’s _other_ students, because I was learning from him too. My people seemed to be internalizing his lesson well – our bodies can regenerate from serious injuries, so we are all somewhat familiar with the mindset – though I could see they could use a break to think it over. Many of the warriors were explaining the concepts to each other while Jake continued to speak. The humans were not faring well, though not because they failed to understand. This was the third lesson for prospective morphers, and so for no Hork-Bajir had dropped out, but four humans had. Only four humans remained: Melissa, Jamal, Julie, and Walter, Cassie’s father. They all looked grim and afraid, but determined.

“Ax,” Jake said, stopping in front of him. Merlyse landed on his shoulder, and he held out his arm. “Cut off my hand.”

Ax hesitated, but for only a moment. I wondered what held him back. Was it a fear of causing his prince pain, or fear of what it meant that he would give such an order? Then he said, «Yes, Prince Jake,» and severed it in a swift, precise chop.

Jake screamed through gritted teeth. Merlyse screeched and flew backward like a bird scared out of a tree by a gunshot. Blood sprayed from the stump of Jake’s wrist, marking a sickening dark red arc across Ax’s chest and shoulders. His hand thumped to the ground, the fingers twitching spasmodically in the dirt. The humans gasped and screamed and clutched at each other. My warriors recoiled in disgust at the sight of the thin, spraying, red blood, the color of a poisonous berry or a Taxxon carapace.

Orange fur rippled over Jake’s body. He grew large and yellow-eyed. Merlyse disappeared from the open air. A vast paw emerged from his stump. He closed his eyes and reversed the morph, and when he opened them, they were brown. Merlyse was on his shoulder, and his hand was back on his wrist, the living copy of the curled-in husk on the ground. “That hurt,” he said, “but it doesn’t matter. Any questions?”

I raised my hand and said, “I would like to break for discussion.”

“Go ahead,” Jake said. “Take some time to talk.” He picked up his own severed hand, smearing his fresh hand with congealing blood. “By the way. What should I do with this?”

“Bury it far away from the creek,” I said. “None of us want the taste of death in the water supply.”

«Go talk to your students,» Ax said, pointing a stalk eye at the pale, shaken humans in our group. «I will dispose of it.»

Jake nodded, passed his hand to Ax, and went to the human students. I turned to my peers.

Uklan Tel said, “ _Rej Hullan told a story of a creature from Father Deep. The Loocha. It was made of mud, and it could change its shape. Any wound made with a blade would be healed by more mud. The only way to defeat it is to chase it out of the Deep and into the sun, where the mud dries and the Loocha cannot change shape anymore.”_

“ _With the morphing power, we become the Loocha,_ ” another warrior said.

“ _Or like a tree,_ ” I said. “ _It can grow around any obstacle, heal from any wound, but if it is cut down all at once, it falls and dies._ ”

  


**Jake**

After the day’s training session, I took Ax aside and said, “Have you been hanging out with Mertil at all?”

«Yes,» Ax said. I couldn’t read anything into his body language except a touch of nerves.

“How is he holding up?”

«He has allowed Elgat Kar to treat him, which I think brings him some solace,» Ax said. «He speaks with me, Loren, and Tobias regularly, which is important to an Andalite’s natural sense of social cohesion. Of course, there is little I can do to ease his loss. We cannot perform the proper rituals of mourning when Gafinilan is not dead.»

“Yeah,” I said. “I know how that is.” Ax bowed his head, accepting that. I took a deep breath and went on, “Do you think he’d meet with me if you introduced us? I’d like to talk.”

«I think that would be difficult for him. He was once a proud and celebrated warrior, and now he can never be so again. I do not think he knows how to approach a prince after his fall in status, much less a human one.»

“I don’t want to talk to him as a prince. I want to talk as a guy who deals with aliens all the time and wants to get to know another Andalite.”

«A prince is always a prince, whether he is in battle or not, whether one serves under him or not.»

“Was Elfangor a prince when he came home to visit you?” I said, frustrated.

«Of course he was.»

 _Ax is right,_ Merlyse said, and I deflated. She went on, _You’re still a prince when you talk to Mom and Dad. When you have breakfast with the new-frees. It’s always there. That’s not just an Andalite thing._

“Then tell him it’ll help me be a better prince if I get to know him a little. That’s not a line. I mean it.”

«Like when you took me to your school,» Ax said.

“Yeah. Like that.”

«Very well. I will try my best to convince him, Prince Jake.»

  


I was in the middle of washing myself under one of the solar showers the Chee had set up when a thought-speech voice announced in my head, «I am willing to meet with you, Prince Jake.»

I dropped my soap and swore while Merlyse reminded me from her perch at the top of the shower stall, “He’s an Andalite, he doesn’t know you can’t just talk to people in the shower.”

“Can you see him from up there?” I said, picking up the soap and determinedly scrubbing at myself again, because I lived in the woods and I was dirty, goddamnit.

“Yep.”

“Go tell him to wait ten minutes. I’ve seen Ax use one of these showers, they get the concept.”

I felt my connection with Merl strain to its limits as she flew out to talk to Mertil. I gritted my teeth against it, got clean, and put on my hoodie and cargo shorts. I followed Merl to where Mertil was waiting down a ridge. Mertil started to walk, more at a human’s pace than an Andalite’s, so I could walk with him. «Aximili told me you wished to become better acquainted.»

“Yeah,” I said. “I mean, I know you were a big-shot fighter pilot, and you had a – a _shorm_? A partnership? With Gafinilan. But that’s all.”

«What else do you wish to know?» Mertil said.

I meant to ask him something smart and useful, like what the training to become a fighter pilot was like, or what his prince had been like. But when I opened my mouth, the words that fell out were, “How did you know you were gay?”

Mertil’s ears swiveled. I tried to read him, but he was even harder to read than Ax, who had picked up some human body language over time. «I am sorry. My translator chip is unable to process the last word you spoke.»

 _It’s the conversation with Ket Halpak at the wedding party all over again,_ Merlyse groaned. I should have just said never mind, dropped it, and moved on. But Merl insisted, _Cassie managed to explain to Ket. We can do this._

“Um,” I said. “I mean, how did you know you were, um, interested in other male Andalites? As partners? Like Gafinilan.”

Mertil’s stalk eyes rocked backward. Another gesture I couldn’t make sense of. «Why wouldn’t I be interested in other male Andalites as partners?»

For a minute, I had absolutely no idea what to say to that. It was like when I was in Spanish class and no matter how many times I read a sentence in the textbook, it seemed like it said “My sister has a monkey’s anus,” even though there was no way it could possibly mean that. Finally, the only thing I could think of to say was, “Uh, because you can’t have kids together?”

Mertil looked down at me with a stalk eye. «I know human technology is primitive, but surely you must understand how that obstacle can be circumvented.»

“Yeah, I guess so,” I said numbly, turning it all over in my head. “So Andalites are totally fine with being gay – I mean, with males together and females together? That’s normal?” Mertil stared at me sideways with both stalk eyes, and Merlyse said, _He’s just as confused by us as we are by him._ I started laughing. “Okay. I get it. It was never a big deal for you. But there still had to be some point where you figured out you had a preference. That you wanted to be with male Andalites and not females.”

Mertil’s stalk eyes pressed together, both pointing at me, in a way that reminded me weirdly of someone’s eyebrows coming together in a frown. «Why? I have no such preference.»

I stopped walking and stared at him. “What? Why would you be with Gafinilan if you’re not g– if you don’t prefer males?”

«I have no preference in grasses on the homeworld,» Mertil said. «I used to run in a particular pasture by my home scoop because my neighbor across that pasture was a cloud artist, and I hoped to catch a glimpse of her designs when I fed there. That the pasture was _efros_ mixed with _sthenay_ was not a factor in my choice.»

“ _Oh_ ,” I said. I noticed Merlyse was hiding her face under her wing. I wished I could do the same. “I didn’t know – I thought you had to. Have a favorite kind of grass.”

«Some do,» Mertil said. «Some do not. Gafinilan has a preference in both matters – for males, and for the marsh-grasses that grow along the water.» So casually, as if he were talking about ice cream flavors. How was he talking like that? «Why are you so concerned with these questions? I am mostly unfamiliar with human expressions, but you appear to be in distress.»

Merlyse hopped up and down my arm and fluffed out her feathers. I clutched at my hair with my other hand. “You’re just making this _harder_! If I’m not gay or straight – if I don’t have a preference – how am I supposed to – ”

 _Decide whether we like Marco or Cassie,_ Merlyse finished miserably inside our mind. But she wasn’t going to say that to Mertil. So instead she finished out loud, “Choose. Between a boy and a girl.”

«Do humans not have compatibility trials for prospective spouses? Those should make the choice quite clear.»

“ _What?_ ” I’d gone from walking to standing still, and now to sitting down on a rock while Merlyse hopped around on the ground like it was a hot stove. My brain felt like it was going to melt out of my ears. “ _Spouses_? I’m not getting _married_!”

«I am glad to hear it. I had been about to advise you to wait until you are older.» Mertil had a main eye on me in a sideways glance, his stalk eyes pivoting around. «If you are not selecting a spouse, then why must you make this choice?»

“Well, I mean, um, I think I might… like them? Like, _like._ I mean, I don’t know if I should be doing anything like this at all, with the war going on and everything, but if I _am_ going to, then – who?”

«Ah. You speak of _shest dath_ ,» Mertil said. «In that case – »

“I’m sorry. I didn’t really get that part.” I laughed. “I guess it’s my turn.” I picked up Merl, who kept on twitching in my hands.

« _Shest dath_. Relationships of passion. It is traditional to avoid _shest dath_ while in active military service, of course, but I would be the first to disagree with tradition on this point. _Shest dath_ is only a distraction from service if you allow it to be. Pursue _shest dath_ with the male and the female if you like; I would not condemn it, and neither would Aximili.»

“The male _and_ the…” I clutched at my head with both hands. “Gah! How do you just _say_ things like that!”

«Yesterday I heard two humans discussing slaughtering animals, skinning and gutting them, laying their flesh over coals, and stuffing it into their large wet mouths,» Mertil said. «I fail to see how that is less disturbing than discussing perfectly normal and healthy relationships. Perhaps you should not pursue relationships if even discussing them is so personally distressing.»

“God, he’s right, maybe not,” Merlyse muttered, sticking her head up my hoodie sleeve.

“Wait a second,” I said. “You’re talking like _that’s_ normal too. Are all Andalites like this? Oh my God, has Ax dated guys? Has Ax dated multiple guys at once?” Merlyse groaned and tried to bury herself deeper into my sleeve.

Mertil’s tail stump lashed against the back of his leg. «How should I know? Perhaps, perhaps not.»

“Don’t tell Ax I said that. Don’t tell anyone about any of this. God, I’m sorry, Mertil, this conversation must be as crazy for you as it is for me. I’ll just go now.” I got up, flipped the hood of my sweatshirt over my head and drew the drawstrings. Merlyse came out of my sleeve and hopped on my shoulder.

«Wait, Prince Jake.» I turned around. «It seems to me that being an adolescent is difficult for both humans and Andalites. As prince, you bear a great deal of responsibility for one your age. I will not pretend to understand what is troubling you, but I do think it is understandable that you are troubled.»

“Not nearly as much as you are,” I said. “I’m sorry for making this into my pity party.”

«I am not in the habit of measuring one misfortune against another. We may speak of something different another time.»

 _If I can ever get up the courage to show Mertil my face again after this disaster of a conversation,_ I thought to Merlyse, who just laughed at me, the traitor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to read more of my take on Andalite relationships and love, check out my fic [let me be your everlasting light](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11259222).
> 
> The scene with Jake getting his hand cut off was inspired by Derin's fic [Pain](https://archiveofourown.org/works/911604).


	3. <Look the predator in the eye>

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Encyclopedia of Concepts and Imagery in Andalite Thought-Speech  
> Entry: Battle  
> «Look the predator in the eye»  
> «A web of silent communication before the joint attack»

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Additional content warnings this chapter in the endnotes.

**Aftran Plisam Pool**

****  


**#Newcomers**

Welcome to the Aftran Plisam Pool! Our Pool culture is still a work in progress, but we’ll do our best to integrate you into it. Ask questions and get acclimated here. This is an all-ages well, so if you have a question about a topic that is restricted to the adult well, please take it up in a private message.

  


**Essa 283**

Did you really make this message well just for me?

  


**The Sage in the Weeds**

No. It’s just that when you came to the Pool, we realized we had to have a system in place for newcomers.

  


**Essa 283**

That’s an awfully nice word for prisoner.

  


**The Sage in the Weeds**

None of us can leave this Pool either. Nor can poolies leave the Grash Akdap Pool. Yeerk physiology has limitations. What’s your point? [ _Emoji of a Yeerk scrunching up. The equivalent of a human eye-roll emoji._ ]

  


**Essa 283**

My point is that I don’t want to “integrate” into your “Pool culture.”

  


**The Sage in the Weeds**

Well, you don’t get to go back to the Empire. You had the bad luck to infest an Animorph’s parent, and the good luck that another Animorph who likes Yeerks was there when she caught you. So are you going to spend the rest of the war whining and wishing you could go back to sucking up your Visser’s waste-stream? Or are you going to do something with yourself?

  


**Essa 283**

Is there anything to do besides swim around and talk about how much I love inferior species?

  


**The Sage in the Weeds**

@Eslin 825knows a lot of lore passed on from the homeworld. Why don’t you try and learn something?

****  


****  


**Aftran Plisam Pool**

****  


**#CheeChat**

The Chee only enter other message wells in the Pool intranet for administrative purposes. This is the message well where we can chat with any Chee who happen to be logged in to the intranet. This is an all-ages well, so if you want to talk with a Chee about a topic that is restricted to the adult well, please take it up in a private message.

  


**Fighting Every Rane**

All of these ideas for how we might present ourselves as appealing options to potential voluntary hosts are very good – I hope someone’s archiving them. But I’ve been thinking about this a lot, and it seems to me that now that the Empire’s terrible wars have poisoned the well, there aren’t going to be as many humans volunteering to be hosts as there are Yeerks who want them. No matter how well we sell ourselves, the Empire will cast a long shadow over all of us.

  


**Ifflek 508**

I hate to say it, but I’m pretty sure @Fighting Every Rane is spot on. Whether it’s because of our Yeerk instincts, our Empire conditioning, or both, most of us want hosts bad. But we’re not entitled to them. So how do we bridge the gap? What to do about all of us Yeerks who are starving for connection with another mind and can’t have it?

  


**Mielan 34**

[ _Emoji of a Yeerk with crackling electric fields around it. Indicates excitement_.] What if we MADE hosts?

  


**Akdor’s Worst Nightmare**

@Mielan 34 We can’t make hosts. Humans aren’t made, they grow up from babies, just like Yeerks do.

  


**Mielan 34**

Wow! I wonder what a human grub looks like!

  


**Ifflek 508**

My human host had a baby, @Mielan 34 _._ I’ll tell you about it in the #AllAges channel.

  


**[Chee][Admin] Bachu**

I have an idea.

  


**[Chee] Luis and Zefirita**

I have an idea.

  


**Fighting Every Rane**

Wow, I think you two sent those messages in the exact same millisecond. Is it the same idea?

  


**[Chee][Admin] Bachu**

No.

  


**Mielan 34**

How do you know?

  


**[Chee][Admin] Bachu**

CheeNet. Our processing speeds are much faster than organic nervous systems.

  


**Ifflek 508**

Okay. This is interesting. What are your ideas?

  


**[Chee] Luis and Zefirita**

Humans aren’t made, but androids like the Chee are. With some work, we could design and manufacture androids as symbionts for Yeerks.

  


**[Chee][Admin] Bachu**

My understanding from Aftran is that it’s not just the body you want, but the mental closeness. Why not with another Yeerk? We could manufacture robot bodies designed to be steered jointly by two Yeerks.

  


**Akdor’s Worst Nightmare**

[ _Emoji of a Yeerk swimming in circles. Indicates confusion._ ] Kandrona shine and strengthen me, I feel like I’m swimming straight up through the sky into the sun right now. Give me a minute to process this.

  


**Fighting Every Rane**

[ _Emoji indicating surprise_ ] You mean we could all have hosts? Who actually want us there?

  


**Ifflek 508**

Yeerks are meant to share with each other. That’s the joy of Pool life, good Pool life like we have here. To share a body with a Yeerk… to move through the world together… that would be the most amazing thing I can imagine.

  


**GreenSky**

Someone just told me that there was a conversation going on in this channel I couldn’t miss, but VANARX SUCK ME UP, I wasn’t expecting THIS. [ _Emoji of a Yeerk illuminated by a bright ray of Kandrona. Indicates physical and spiritual nourishment_.]

  


**Akdor’s Worst Nightmare**

Where do we go from here? How do we choose?

  


**[Chee] Luis and Zefirita**

I’m not sure you have to. I plan to go ahead with my project if you all are interested, regardless of what Bachu does with her idea.

  


**Toby**

Ax’s thought-speak voice fell like shrapnel on the whole Hork-Bajir valley, rousing us all from our nests.

«Soldiers, go to your positions! There are Yeerk forces in the forest!»

I jolted from fast asleep to fully alert in less than a breath. I focused on the silky-soft feathers and strangely familiar talons of my long-eared owl morph, and the night opened up to my senses.

«What Yeerk forces? How many?» I asked, reaching out for Ax with my thought-speech.

«A squad of Hork-Bajir, with support from human-Controllers and hunter Taxxons. The Hork-Bajir are wearing bands, indicating that they are special forces. My owl eyes do not have color vision, so I do not know which special forces.»

The trees shook with people rising from sleep and taking their positions. All my emergency drills were paying off, I could see. I was the second to last to arrive at the morpher gathering point at the promontory overlooking the valley – all the Animorphs could morph faster than me except Loren. Down at the bottom of the ravine, my warriors gathered into squads. Loren floated in last, joining our strange little flock of owls.

«Tell me exactly what you saw,» I told Ax.

«I was flying from my scoop to the valley. I heard strange noises in the forest and saw a squad of Hork-Bajir special forces with hunter Taxxons, searching. They are not near here. But I am sure one Hork-Bajir-Controller turned its head and looked directly at me, though I ought to have been unnoticeable.»

«They’ve been trained,» I said. «They can detect a morph. They saw your _hrala_.»

«And they’re hunting us,» Jake said grimly.

«The forest is huge,» Cassie said. «They won’t find us in a night.»

«But they’ll find us sooner or later. Unless we stop them,» Rachel said, and I swear she almost sounded excited.

«We can’t hope to beat them in a direct assault right now,» I said, thinking of the tactics Ax had worked so hard to teach me, combined with the hard experience of raids I’d led my people on, sometimes to their deaths, sometimes to the freedom of our siblings. «Not when they’re prepared and we just woke up, not when we’re fighting on their terms, not without the advantage of morphers taking them by surprise. We have to learn more, set the terms of a battle we can win later. Tonight is a holding action. Distract… and capture.»

«You want to catch a Controller,» Rachel said eagerly.

My blood ran hot. This squad of Yeerk torturers were using my people, and our unique gifts, to stamp out our last hope for freedom. The thought of these slaves being driven through the woods, fearing every moment they might find their free brethren and doom us, made me sick with fear and anger. «No. I want to free a comrade.»

«You should,» Cassie said. «But what about the Yeerk? We don’t have to kill Yeerks we capture. Not with the Aftran Plisam Pool available.»

«They’re war criminals, Cassie!» I snarled. «I know you’ve met some Yeerks sympathetic to your cause. But those were human-Controllers. Every single Hork-Bajir-Controller has committed unspeakable crimes. The average lifespan of a Hork-Bajir in Yeerk captivity is fourteen years. It’s been thirty years since the Andalites massacred my people and the Yeerks enslaved the rest. Where do you think my parents came from? Where do you think _I_ came from?»

A stunned silence followed. Then Rachel began heatedly, «Are you saying they – »

Cassie cut her off. «Rachel, don’t.»

«The first step in the recovery of a Hork-Bajir new-free,» I said, «is looking them in the eye and telling them their rapist is dead. I will not discuss this further. We need to come up with a strategy, now.»

«We’re the bait,» Tobias said. «Any of us in bird morph up above the treeline is like a Bat-signal in the sky for anyone who knows what they’re looking for. We can each fly in a different direction and split up the group.»

«And get shot at,» Marco groused.

I said, «Only for a little while. I think we have it. I’ll let my people know.»  


I rode as a bark beetle on Jake’s back. He, Rachel, Cassie, and Marco were wolves, moving swiftly below the canopy where we could not be easily seen. I wished desperately that we had trained up more morphers already, if only so I could have kept in touch with my warriors through thought-speech. As it was, I kept them updated on our position, but got no replies.

Jake stopped abruptly and growled. «I smell them.»

«Let’s do it,» Rachel said, thrumming with tension.

«Hold,» I told Meret Kar and her squad. «We’ve found them. You’ll see us in the sky soon.»

«We have to split up,» Tobias said. «So we don’t all fly up from the same spot.»

Jake trotted away from the other wolf-shaped Animorphs. «Drop off here,» he said. «I’ll go a little farther.»

I let go of his fur and fell into the leaf litter, a long drop relative to my body even for a Hork-Bajir. I demorphed, gratefully drinking in the flow of the _hrala_ currents all around me. Through a gap in the trees, I saw a tight knot of _hrala_ that had to be Tobias, whose second morph to owl had been minor and swift compared to the changes the rest of us had to make. I flinched at the sound of Dracon beams firing at him, and focused on my own morph to owl. Tobias could take care of himself in the air, better than any of us.

As my senses changed throughout the morph, the forest became dead of _hrala_ currents, but came alive with the slobber of Taxxons, the snarls of my captive brethren, and the blaze of Dracon fire. I launched myself into the sky and quickly assessed everyone’s positions. Even to the owl’s senses, my warriors were almost undetectable to the east, taking shelter in the trees with the thickest canopies – only the slightest rustle of leaves gave them away. The Yeerk forces had already split, chasing after the Animorphs, humans and Taxxons on the forest floor and Hork-Bajir in the trees, firing at the owls through the branches. A Hork-Bajir-Controller tried to rally the forces to chase after only one Animorph, but the chaos had already broken out and could not be contained.

And then a banded Hork-Bajir-Controller caught sight of me, shouted to get the attention of his fellows, and leveled his Dracon beam. I beat at the night air and took off, the pulse of the Dracon beam deafening to the owl’s ears as it streaked by me. Fortunately, I had played this game before, scouting sites for our raids and sometimes getting spotted.

«We’re all in the sky!» Tobias cried. «Count off! I have ten Hork-Bajir, ten humans, and two Taxxons. Jake?»

Most of us were less precise in our estimates than Tobias, distracted as we were by trying to not to get shot down. But then Loren said, «I only see one Hork-Bajir here, plus two humans and four Taxxons.»

I could spot her easily, as the only other long-eared owl in our group. I explained her location to my people in terms they would understand, and added, «Free our sibling. Don’t try to defeat this whole force. One more sibling free is enough for – »

TSEEEEWWWWW!

I had been distracted by talking to my people. My left wing was gone! I was falling!

«Toby! Land in the trees! Break your fall!» Tobias cried.

I remembered Jake’s lesson: I just had to be alive enough to demorph. The fall was going to hurt, but that didn’t matter. I rotated so my wing would hit the tree first and take some of the shock of impact. The tree slammed up toward me, and my remaining wing shattered. The owl screamed in agony. My head swam from the impact, and I saw stars, but I didn’t lose consciousness. That was all I needed. I reached for my own body through the blinding red pain, and it came back to me, whole and strong.

I stayed in my body – it was the best way to blend in, right now – and swung as fast as I could through the trees toward Loren’s last position. I heard crashing through the canopy, saw vast tangles of _hrala,_ and skirted all of it, not knowing who was friend or foe. Then I heard a rush of Taxxons screaming for the blood of a fallen comrade, and knew I was in the right place. I had a Hork-Bajir morph constructed by the Frolis Maneuver, taught to me by Ax, so I could become more anonymous in a crowd of Hork-Bajir. I morphed to it so I had thought-speech again, and tried to contact Loren, who had been closest to this point. «Loren? What’s going on?»

«Some of your people caught a Hork-Bajir-Controller,» she said. «Others are distracting the Yeerks away with a feint while they take the Controller away. A lot of Yeerks hear the commotion and are coming this way. Everyone’s trying to lose their tails – I’m in dog morph running east right now.»

«Do you know anything about where my people are?» I couldn’t risk going up in owl morph to spot them; I’d be an easy target.

«I lost them when I demorphed,» Loren said apologetically. «They’re somewhere around here. I think we’d better just lose them and run back to the Valley. I mean, won’t getting all our _hrala_ in one place just make us easier to find?»

I reached out with my thought-speech to Meret, but I couldn’t seem to get hold of her. She was outside my thought-speak range. So was her second-in-command.

«You’re right,» I said. «I… suppose I have to trust they can take care of themselves.»

I demorphed and made my way back to Kref Magh, alone. It took a little longer this way than how we’d come; I don’t have the stamina of a wolf, and had to stop to catch my breath, especially after so many morphs. When I returned, all the Animorphs except Tobias and Ax were there, and half the squad of warriors – the half unburdened by a captive. I checked in with them immediately. One of them had died in the scramble, and there hadn’t been time to collect his body. It would be food for the Taxxons. I joined Meret to tell his husband he wouldn’t be coming home, and the minutes until the rest arrived at Kref Magh ticked like a metronome in the back of my mind.

Tobias’s thought-speech shattered the quiet moment I had, sitting with the grieving husband in his nest that would be too empty now. «They’re coming! Ax is with them.»

I touched my forehead blades in solemn farewell, and swung through the trees to the bottom of the easiest climbing approach down the valley, where the party would doubtless arrive. Maka Hullan, the person with the most Hork-Bajir medical knowledge in the valley, joined me soon after. We nodded grimly to each other and dug a pit for the captive, as we had done so many times before.

Ax floated down in owl morph. «They are coming. They have the Gold Band.»

Gold bands. Gold like _hrala_. It was so wrong for the Yeerks to take that, too, from us. “Is the Controller conscious? Did we lose anyone else?”

«The Controller is knocked out but stirring. No losses, though some took serious injuries subduing the captive.» Ax flew on. «I will gather the Animorphs.»

The squad climbed down carefully, carrying the Gold Band between them. When they reached us, I seized the captive, buried her head in the pit up to her hindmost nostrils, and cut off the hateful gold band. Maka Hullan did triage on the wounded warriors, sorting out those who would regenerate on their own from those who needed medical attention. She did a medical examination of the Controller and told me her findings, then let the seriously wounded away for treatment.

Tobias landed on a branch overhead. The other Animorphs came soon after in their own bodies. “Gold Bands,” I announced with distaste. “We need to find out about them. Before they find us.”

“We can’t afford to wait three days,” Jake said.

“We don’t have to,” Cassie said. “If we offer the Yeerk the Aftran Plisam Pool, it might – “

“Do you have a cup?” I said. Cassie drew out a small collapsible camping cup from her jacket pocket. Of course. “It rained yesterday. There’ll still be pools of standing water over there.” I nodded to a dried up streambed. Cassie went. I turned to Ax. “Put your blade to her throat.” I seized the Controller’s neck in a slot between two blades and yanked her head up. Ax’s blade went instantly to the base of her neck. Her eyes were unfocused, disoriented from the pit. I said, “Listen very carefully if you don’t want to die of starvation, Yeerk.”

The Gold Band’s neck twisted in my hand as the Yeerk tried to get her eyes to focus. She cut her host a little on Ax’s blade and bled sluggishly. I felt her neck vibrate as the Yeerk laughed. “It speaks like a Yeerk.”

I wanted to choke out the Yeerk, but that would only hurt her frightened host. I shoved my face into hers. “I speak like someone who has you at my mercy.”

The Yeerk’s superiority shifted to anger, as it so often does in Yeerks I’ve captured. “And what do you have to offer me besides starvation?”

Cassie returned holding the cup of water. “Have you heard of the Aftran Plisam Pool?”

The Yeerk sneered. “Human bandit. Stealing our children away and spreading the word that you’ve taken them to paradise.”

“If we’d wanted to just kill them,” Jake said levelly, “that would have been much simpler. Less risky. We wouldn’t have bothered with some trick.”

“Where is it?” the Yeerk said. “I want to see it.”

“Not here.” Cassie held up the cup. “But I can take you there. I _want_ to take you there. I’ve seen the fugue. It’s horrible.”

“On one condition,” I said. “You tell us about the Gold Bands. How many of you there are. Where you’re based.”

The Yeerk looked down at the pit, then at the cup in Cassie’s hand. ”I don’t want to die,” she said softly. And she told us everything. I listened and trusted in Ax’s memory to retain all the details.

When she was done, I gestured to Cassie and the cup. She said, “I’ll take you there myself.” I loosened my grip and let the Yeerk bend her host’s neck down to the cup, and slither out of her ear. Her host, now free, swayed and broke into low, gravelly creaking sounds, our equivalent of crying. I touched my forehead blades to hers, then turned and snatched the cup out of Cassie’s hands. I took out the Yeerk, held her up for the new-free to see, and cut her in half with my wrist blade. She gave a low, long creak of gratitude and held my hand gently to where I’d gripped it in a chokehold, stroking, soothing the hurts.

Beyond the new-free’s cries, I heard human ones. Cassie was sobbing and shaking. “You killed her. You said you’d let her go to the Aftran Plisam Pool. You broke your promise.”

Seeing Cassie cry for that monster filled me with rage. I turned away. “Tobias, please call for Elgat Kar. _Friend_ ,” I asked the new-free, “ _what is your name?_ ”

“Inti Bejoo,” she rasped. “ _Thank you, thank you, thank you._ ”She unbent her neck and looked around. “ _Is this the free place?_ ”

“ _Yes. We call it the green place._ ” I heard the branches rustle overhead. “ _I am Toby Hamee, the Seer of the green place. Elgat Kar is in the trees to help you recover. Are you strong enough to climb there with her?_ ”

Inti’s face lit. “ _Oh. I would love to climb. It has been so long._ ” She reached for the tree and climbed slowly, clumsily, but deliberately into the canopy. I heard Elgat greet her, and knew she would be taken care of.

I looked back down at the Animorphs. They were impassive – though Tobias always is – except for Cassie, who held her dæmon to her mouth, eyes fixed on me, bright and wet and piercing. I stared back, unrelenting. “Maka Hullan did a medical check-up on Inti before you came. She found that she was in the early stages of gestation. She had self-inflicted wounds from trying to pierce through the egg before it could harden.” I found her Yeerk’s remains on the ground and slowly, deliberately, crushed them beneath my foot. “This disgusting piece of rot could only ever bring filth and poison to your little pool of idealists, Cassie.”

The Animorphs were shocked still, horrified. Cassie’s eyes fountained silent tears. Rachel and Loren cried too. Marco looked like he might be sick. Good. “I never want to hear any of your opinions about how my people should deal with Yeerks, ever again. Is that understood?”

Rachel put her hand on Cassie’s shoulder. She looked at me, eyes wet and blazing blue. Abineng pawed at the dirt with his forehoof and said, “You can’t just – ”

Merlyse landed on Abineng’s head and whispered something in his ear. He fell silent. “Let it go, everyone,” Jake said. “This is Toby’s call. Not ours.”

I nodded at Jake. This was why we could work together to lead this resistance, him and I. The trees called to me, and I retreated to my roost, to catch whatever sleep I could.

  


**Ax**

While I aimed for the neck of the Gold Band before me, another came from the side and clubbed my flank with a thick tail, making me stagger. The neck of the one I’d struck opened in a ruin of green blood, and I wheeled around to face the other. The battle ground on, with its constant calculation: how hurt could I get before I had to morph? How many morphs had I already done, and how many would deplete me utterly?

The Gold Band training grounds filled with a familiar, hateful _djafid_ , the oppressive song of Visser Five. His thought-speech boomed. «I see you human scum panic when the advantage of your illicit Andalite technology is taken away! It is only a matter of time until the Gold Bands run you to ground. Now, which of you bandits is Loren?»

My hearts stuttered. I had nearly forgotten. The Yeerks did not only know that the Animorphs were mostly human. They knew that Loren was an Animorph. And Visser Five remembered her.

When the Visser came into view, the free Hork-Bajir screamed. The half-open training ground, walled but not roofed, echoed with their anguish. «What’s wrong?» Tobias asked.

«That was a clever trick, Loren,» the Visser went on. «To make me believe that you were the human child David. But you deceive me no longer. You are the hoofed creature with the shorter horns, are you not?»

Toby was in the battle as a Hork-Bajir, but in morph, so she could thought-speak. «His host. Alloran. His _hrala_ is… broken. The anchor severed. He has no more _hrala_ than an animal. It’s horrible. Like staring at a ruined corpse.»

«Yes,» Loren said. «That’s me. I’m an Animorph. What’s wrong, Esplin? Scared? I did propel a bunch of rocks at you back in the day. You could have rewritten the universe itself if you’d managed to beat an Andalite _aristh_ and a primitive human girl. Too bad, huh?»

Have I mentioned that I admire my _taf ratheen_ very much?

«I infested you once, Loren,» Visser Five said silkily. «I can do it again. I have an underling with a reputation for breaking human hosts. Gold Bands! Stun them all! Human, Andalite, and Hork-Bajir alike will become our hosts!»

I found an opening between two Gold Bands and leapt through to Visser Five. I could not see him the way the Hork-Bajir could, but I knew they were right: Visser Five had destroyed Alloran-Semitur-Corass from the inside, and piloted his desecrated corpse. The outrage could not continue. I sprang toward him and whipped at his stalk eyes, even as Hork-Bajir fought with each other and died all around us.

Visser Five parried at the last moment, sending a jarring impact up my tail. I jerked my tail back, knowing I could not hold directly against his strength. I leapt to the side, feinted with a flurry of blows, and landed a true one, stinging across his chest. His main eyes narrowed, and he held his tail forward and charged into me by main force. I only stopped him by swiping toward his legs, forcing him to pivot.

«Fall back!» Prince Jake cried. I came to my senses and realized we were losing. Tobias was not visible above us. All the Hork-Bajir around me had gold bands. I ran and jumped to rejoin my force, taking a stunning Dracon beam to the end of my tail. I lost fine control in the muscles there; I would only be able to _torf_ with the flat of the blade.

The Animorphs formed a perimeter around Tobias as he morphed to polar bear. The others could have stood to morph away damage as well – Prince Jake stood on only three legs, and Rachel’s eyes seemed glued shut by blood. «We have to make an exit for the free Hork-Bajir,» Prince Jake said. «We can always fly away, but they need a distraction so they can make it to the tree line.»

«I’m ready,» Tobias said grimly, rising up as a polar bear. «You morph next, Jake. We just keep it coming.» But Tobias sounded tried, and we could not keep morphing away our wounds forever. Would it be enough? We couldn’t leave our Hork-Bajir comrades here to be captured.

A sound caught at my mind, out of place and wrong, like a bone turned the wrong way in its socket. It was like Dracon fire, but not like Dracon fire at all, because it was _Shredder fire_. It burst through the discharges of Dracon beams, clearer, more abrupt. My stalk eyes nearly twisted off as I followed that sound to the four armed Andalite warriors who burst into the training grounds.

«This is it!» Prince Jake called. «Go, go, go!»

A Shredder blast hit the tail of a fleeing free Hork-Bajir, vaporizing it. I looked to who had fired, barely registering in my alarm and confusion that it was a female – never mind how that could be possible, there was no time. «Only fire on the ones with gold bands!» I told them, holding my ground to keep the Gold Bands from pursuing the fleeing Guardians of the Galaxy. «The ones without the bands are free Hork-Bajir!»

«Free Hork-Bajir?!» said one warrior, shocked. But the others were not distracted. They focused their attack on the true enemy, breaking through with Shredder fire and precise tailwork. The young female in particular wielded her blade with deadly exactness. And one of them broke through the line with a clear shot to Visser Five, righteous fury burning in his eyes.

«Arbat!» Visser Five said, moving toward him. «You – »

Arbat gave a wordless thought-speech cry and fired. His aim was not true, missing the brain, but it severed Alloran’s torso clean from the rest of his body. Blue blood fountained. A Gold Band rushed to his severed top half, opened his skull with a wrist blade, and pulled Visser Five away from Alloran’s dying brain in a long gray smear. I wanted more than anything to crush that smear to nothing beneath my blade, but I had a duty to the free Hork-Bajir warriors. I covered their retreat as best I could with only the flat of my blade. I was distantly aware of the cries of shock from the Animorphs. They echoed dully around my brain. I could have spared Alloran this fate. I’d had him beneath my blade. And now he’d died without honor, and his tormentor still lived.

«We must go,» the young female told me. «Come find us later. Alone. My name is Estrid-Corrill-Darrath. Our ship is on the second smallest island off the coast of this human city.» She fled the battle, morphing away a burn on her flank as easily as Cassie would. «You’ll be safer now. The Abomination is no longer.»

Cold despair settled over me. «No. Visser Five recently captured another Andalite. He will simply use that one as his new host.»

«What?» Estrid looked back at me with a stalk eye. «Come to our ship as soon as you can. Don’t bring your pet humans. We have much to discuss.» I lost her to sight as I dodged a Dracon pulse and set to my own escape.

Once we were aloft and out of Dracon range, Loren said privately, «Are you all right, Ax?»

«Do not concern yourself for me. Are _you_ all right? Visser Five singled you out.»

«I’m not going to lie,» Loren said. «It’s scary that he’s making this personal.»

I began, «We will not – »

«Ax, who the FUCK were those guys?» Rachel said. «Is the Andalite fleet here? What is going ON?»

«I do not know every Andalite in the military,» I snapped.

«I counted four of them,» Tobias said. «Did they talk to you? Did you hear any more of them we didn’t see?»

«Did you see those Shredders they had?» Rachel said enviously. «We could use a dozen or two of those.»

«It can’t be the whole fleet,» Jake said. «There were only four. Are they a scouting mission or something?»

There were so many questions, as many as I had in my own mind. I was so overwhelmed I could not produce any answers.

«The purple Andalite definitely talked to Ax,» Marco cut in. «Right after his buddy _blew up Visser Five –_ which, holy _shit_ , though I’m pretty sure a Gold Band rescued the Yeerk. What does the purple mean anyway? I’ve only ever seen blue.»

Finally, a question I knew how to answer. «She is a female. Even females answer the call to fight Yeerk tyranny! She must be remarkable, to have attained her position. She was unusually skilled.»

«Are you saying,» Rachel said, voice rising, «that only _extra special_ females can become warriors? But any old male schmuck is good enough?»

«Andalite females excel in the life and social sciences, not martial arts,» I said. «They have never been admitted to the academy before. This female must be special.»

«Have you considered,» Rachel went on, «that Andalites are a bunch of sexist asswipes?»

«Guys,» Marco said. «Can we focus on the fact that there are Andalite warriors on Earth who just blew up Visser Five?!»

«They only killed Alloran,» Prince Jake said. «Like you said. A Gold Band pulled the Visser out of his brain – which was incredibly gross, by the way. They’ll just put him in Gafinilan.»

«Who is in the late stages of a chronic wasting disease,» Loren pointed out, sounding contemplative and sad.

«He has the morphing power,» I said. «Mertil told me he had been living publicly as a human.»

«So he can just trap Gafinilan in morph as anything he wants, once he gets too sick,» Prince Jake concluded. «It does mean he can’t morph all those monsters anymore, though.»

I tried not to take insult at Prince Jake analyzing the merits and drawbacks of Prince Gafinilan’s body as if it were a robotic design. He had to consider these matters, as a prince. But I would be the one who would deliver this terrible news to Mertil. The only comfort I would be able to offer was that the severance chamber had been destroyed, and Visser Five could not destroy Gafinilan as he had Alloran.

«Which brings me back to my question,» Marco said. «What did the warrior chick say?»

«She asked me to come alone to their ship.»

«Cool, cool, that’s not sketchy at all.»

Tobias said fiercely, «I’m coming with you.»

«We’re all coming with Ax,» Prince Jake said. «I’d love to be able to trust every Andalite we meet, but we can’t. Their track record has been pretty bad. We’ll ride along as fleas and see what’s going on.»

«And what about the Gold Bands?» Rachel said, frustrated. «We didn’t shut them down, and now we don’t have the element of surprise. We don’t have time for this Andalite bullshit.»

«Perhaps they could help us,» I said, but I sounded doubtful even to myself.

«When has an Andalite besides you ever helped us?» Marco said. «And don’t say Elfangor, he just made our lives a million times worse.»

«We have to move ahead with the morph training,» Prince Jake said. «If we had thirty morphers, we could really put the hurt on the Gold Bands.»

«We can’t rush that,» Tobias said. «They’ll find us before we’re done teaching them.»

«We’ll have to leave that to the Hork-Bajir for now,» Prince Jake said. «Tomorrow, we meet the Andalites.»

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning for rape resulting in pregnancy, self harm, and abortion.


	4. <Pressed flowers>

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Encyclopedia of Concepts and Imagery in Andalite Thought-Speech  
> Entry: Coming of age  
> «Pressed flowers»  
> «I can defend myself against the predators now»

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gentle readers, I will be slow replying to comments this week. I still love and appreciate you, I'm just very busy.

**JanathAPP - Instant Message**

****  


**DemonBarberFltStrt**

Hello. I heard this is who I should contact if I want to find the place in the pool where the light shines the brightest.

  


**JanathAPP**

Are you masking your IP address?

  


**DemonBarberFltStrt**

Yeah, and I made this IM account with a burner email.

  


**JanathAPP**

Then greetings, friend. What brings you to the Aftran Plisam Pool?

  


**DemonBarberFltStrt**

I’m part of a group that calls itself the Campsite Rule. It’s a thing from human camping grounds: if you make camp in the woods, when you leave, make sure it’s nicer than when you found it.

  


**JanathAPP**

I think I might have heard of you. Were you the ones who spread around advice on how to make hosts “work better”?

  


**DemonBarberFltStrt**

That’s us! We put a lot of research into that. And we’re still figuring out new ideas.

  


**JanathAPP**

Have you heard? We received word that your dossiers are being distributed in the Empire under the imprimatur of the Visserarchy. They’re calling it “Guidelines for Peak Host Efficiency.” Certainly a way to put an old idea in a new host.

  


**DemonBarberFltStrt**

What? The Empire is using our work? Oh no! Ugh, they steal *everything.*

  


**JanathAPP**

What? No, this is an excellent development. It’s radical ideology disguised as Empire propaganda, which will allow it to reach a broader audience.

  


**JanathAPP**

These “guidelines” are almost certainly being spread about by one of us. I had no idea the Peace Movement had anyone high up enough in the Visserarchy to authorize something like this. I’m impressed.

  


**DemonBarberFltStrt**

Huh. I guess I didn’t think of it that way.

  


**JanathAPP**

Tell me. What is your Pool life like? Pool culture is the cause we’re taking up over here at the AP Pool.

  


**DemonBarberFltStrt**

We have a Pool in a suitcase brought ‘round every three days.

  


**JanathAPP**

Why, that’s an amazing opportunity! You’re out from all the scrutiny at the Grash Akdap Pool. You could do all kinds of things in there. Have you heard of the _javeshed_ host-honoring dances?

  


**DemonBarberFltStrt**

No, but I looooooove choreography. Tell me all about it.

  


  


**Aftran Plisam Pool**

****  


**Fighting Every Rane – Direct Message**

****  


**Fighting Every Rane**

The Chee told me you’re actually here. At the Pool. So we don’t have to go through all the security protocols.

  


**Loren**

Yeah, I’m on a laptop by the Pool, wired into the intranet. I’m trying to learn how to look at it without wanting to throw up.

  


**Fighting Every Rane**

Thanks.

  


**Loren**

I’m not going to apologize. I was enslaved by a Yeerk once. I hurt someone I loved while it was controlling me. I don’t hate you because you’re slugs. I hate you because I know what you’re capable of.

  


**Fighting Every Rane**

There are children in this Pool who have never infested anyone. I’m an adult who’s never infested anyone.

  


**Fighting Every Rane**

Well, okay. I did have five minutes with a Gedd during basic training. I do regret that. I hate that they put Gedds through that. Hundreds of young Yeerks put in their heads, five minutes at a time, rane in, rane out.

  


**Loren**

Did you think that Gedd was a person? When you were in its head?

  


**Fighting Every Rane**

Honestly? No. I’d spent so much time being told how great it was to have a host body, I just thought of the Gedd the way the Andalites do about their spaceships. Like a marvelous device we’d engineered for our benefit. I wanted that power more than anything. The mobility. The vision! The world became so bright and clear! The shadows! The highlights!

  


**Loren**

That’s what made a host body so great for you, huh? The vision?

  


**Fighting Every Rane**

Yes. I wanted to be like the Andalites, who could see everywhere at once. For those five minutes, the world seemed to unfold all around me in a way it never had as a blind slug in a pool. I treasured that memory. I still do, even though I know what I did to that Gedd was unnecessary and cruel.

  


**Loren**

You’re a fool. You don’t understand anything.

  


**Fighting Every Rane**

Who are you to pass judgment on me? You don’t know what it’s like to be blind and helpless and trapped in a pool. You have the whole seascape of the world laid out before you.

  


**Loren**

I WAS BLIND FOR TWELVE YEARS!

  


**Loren**

I only just got my sight back a year ago because of the Andalite morphing technology. And my world was just as grand, just as complex, just as sacred to me when I was blind as it is to me now. If you think you need a host because you need vision to make the world beautiful to you, then I can tell you now, your world will never be beautiful. Because that means you have closed off your spirit so much that you can only find that beauty in one small way.

  


**Fighting Every Rane**

I’m sorry. I didn’t realize.

  


**Loren**

You’re not sorry. You haven’t changed your mind.

  


**Loren**

I promised my son I would speak to the Yeerks in your pool, but I never want to speak to you again.

  


**Ax**

I couldn’t fly to the harbor islands. Any Gold Bands watching the sky would know I was in morph, and could follow my flight path to the Andalite ship. Instead, we rode as flies with Chee-pulim, who rented a motorized boat under a hologram of a group of seven humans, which would match our _hrala_ signature.

Prince Jake had prudently chosen to split our forces, as we had pressing concerns back in the valley as well. He and Rachel would stay in Kref Magh to train our prospective morphers and lay traps and ambushes for the Gold Bands in the national forest. The rest of us went to the ship with Pulim. To our collective surprise, Toby insisted on joining us. “I know Jake can lead my people,” she explained, a level of trust that surprised me even more. “And I don’t trust Andalites. If they’re on Earth, I want to know what they’re planning.” I privately thought this was perhaps excessively paranoid of her, but I said nothing.

On the boat ride, the Animorphs instructed me on how to behave with the Andalite warriors. “You’re a piss-poor actor,” Marco said, “but you’re our only hope.”

«I am not a piss-poor actor,» I said defensively. «I have pretended to be human many times.»

Diamanta curved out from his shoulder to look at me from a different angle, in a strange echo of stalk eyes. Marco said, “We need to find out what their deal is, so even if they’re giant assholes – let’s be real, _when_ they’re giant assholes – you can’t just throw a hissy fit and leave. You gotta keep stringing them along until you find out what’s up, so I hope your bullshit tolerance is feeling high today.”

“Don’t tell them where Kref Magh is,” Toby said.

«Of course not,» I said, offended that Toby would even entertain the thought.

“Flatter them,” Cassie said. “We don’t believe in Andalites as the perfect galactic heroes, but you have to act like you still do. Thank them for showing up to save us.”

“Don’t tell them Jake is your prince. They won’t believe it anyway,” Marco said. “Ooh! Tell them _you’re_ the prince. They’ll eat that shit right up! Mr. Boss Andalite saving the primitive humans from themselves. It’s very Pocahontas.”

«Me? Prince?» I said, alarmed.

“You won’t actually have to boss anyone around,” Marco said. “Just tell them you ordered us to go look after the free Hork-Bajir. That adds an extra side dish of saving the primitive Hork-Bajir, they’ll like that.”

I felt the fur along my spine rise. «Most of my people have no desire to boss members of other species.»

“Is that so?” Toby said snidely.

«I have known my people all my life!» I snapped. «All of you have only met a small segment of what my society has to offer. I will ask that you refrain from giving me any more of your “advice” on how to speak to my fellow Andalite.»

“We’re getting close to the island,” Pulim said. “Anyone who’s gonna morph might want to start morphing.”

“Good luck, Prince Ax!” Marco said, and started his morph.

Tobias said to me privately, «I get that this is a big deal for you, Ax. For what it’s worth, I hope they’re _not_ giant assholes.»

«Marco is right,» I admitted to him privately. «It is most likely that they are. But I will still hope otherwise.»

I morphed to harrier so I could fly a circuit of the island and spot the ship in the foliage. Out here, in the harbor islands, there would not be any Gold Bands nearby to notice me. The other Animorphs latched onto my feathers as fleas. Chee-pulim did a pass by the island. She said, “I’ll go back now. Send a messenger to the Kings’ house if you need someone to pick you up.”

«Thank you,» I said. «I have no doubt that our survival into this stage of the war would have been impossible without your help.» I took off from the boat and flew to the island.

I found the ship hidden in thick brush. It was not a new model. If this had been an advance force of the Andalite fleet, it would have been the best ship available. I flew to the ship and demorphed.

By the time I was myself again, all four Andalite warriors had emerged. I took a good look at them for the first time. The female was small and physically powerful. One was older than the others, though hardly dull in the hoof, and had a keen intensity to his main eyes – it was Arbat, who had killed Alloran, who Visser Five had known by name. One had shaved patterns along his flanks that marked a Wurilit, a tribe of Andalites that live a largely traditional lifestyle in the Untamed Wilds – an unusual sight in the military. The last was impassive, pure military professionalism. I raised my tail to the proper military bearing and waited for the commander to address me.

To my surprise, the Wurilit spoke, with all the brashness of a military leader. «I am Commander Gonrod-Isfall-Sonilli. We are a Unit O sabotage and assassination team, assigned to kill the Abomination.»

«I _knew_ they weren’t here to bring the Andalite fleet,» Tobias said grimly.

He introduced Alloran’s killer as Arbat-Elivat-Estoni, an Apex Level Intelligence officer – a very lofty rank. Too high for such a small team. The professional was Aloth-Attamil-Gahar, the team’s assassin, and the female as _Aristh_ Estrid-Corill-Darrath. When I expressed surprise at her rank, Gonrod shot her a contemptuous look with a stalk eye and said, «There is a new pilot program to integrate females into the military. We have been burdened with one of their experiments.»

Estrid raised her tail and shot back, «I have more than earned my place on this mission.» She was embarrassing herself and revealing a lack of military discipline, playing into Gonrod’s hands if he wished to humiliate her.

But instead of firmly rebuking her, he shamefully lost his temper. «Be silent, _aristh_!» he roared. «I am commander of this mission!» Estrid looked away from him and said nothing. To me, he said, «Report, _Aristh_ Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill.»

«I count one asshole already in this bunch,» Marco said. «Anyone wanna bet if we’ll get to four? My money’s on yes.»

«Marco, none of us have any money,» Tobias said. «We live in the woods.»

«First of all, I would like to thank you for your timely rescue yesterday. I have been cut off from the fleet a long time,» I said, ignoring my friends. «There is much I might report. But I believe the most important is that Visser Five has another Andalite host, captured only twenty Earth days ago. His name is Gafinilan-Estrif-Valad. I expect Visser Five will simply shift to infesting him, now that you have finally ended Alloran-Semitur-Corass’s torment.»

Arbat’s eyes burned like green stars. «What happened to Alloran? I am his brother, and I saw his Guide Tree, Henga Sholeth, wither and dry to a husk as if taken by a blight. No Andalite has ever seen such a thing happen to a Guide Tree. Do you know what might have caused it?»

«Don’t tell him about the severance chamber,» Tobias urged me. «Talk about the _galan maheet_.»

I hesitated a moment. I was reluctant to discuss my _hrala_ affliction in front of my friends, even though Tobias had already revealed my secret to everyone, even the Yeerks of the rogue Pool. «I have been suffering the effects of exceeding the _galan maheet_ , after so long on Earth. Alloran had been far from Henga Sholeth for many times longer than that. There is nothing known about what such an extended separation from one’s _Garibah_ might do to a person. Perhaps that is what happens.»

«Perhaps,» Arbat allowed. «Where are your pet humans? Andalite intelligence has learned of the Yeerk discovery of the Earth guerillas’ identities. Six humans and you, Aximili, who gave them that power.»

My nostrils flared at the lie, as if it lingered in the air like a bad smell, which made Aloth sneer at me. «I have sent them to lead missions with the free Hork-Bajir, as you saw on the training grounds where you rescued us. The Yeerks are training new shock troops called Gold Bands. The free Hork-Bajir are useful troops, but they must be directed by more capable commanders.» I added privately to Toby, «I am sorry. I do not truly mean it.»

«I know,» Toby said.

«So you are a prince,» Arbat said. «And so young. Impressive. Welcome aboard the _Ralek River_ , prince-aristh.»

«He’s really laying it on thick, isn’t he?» Marco said.

Gonrod glowered at Arbat. «I am the pilot and commander. I am the one to allow newcomers aboard!»

Arbat lowered his main eyes, a little mockingly, I felt. «Of course, Commander.»

«You are welcome aboard, _Aristh_ Aximili,» Gonrod said stiffly, pivoting toward the _Ralek River_.

«Boy, are these guys a bunch of screw-ups,» Marco said. «I’ve never seen any military types outside the movies, but Captain Tom Hanks would _not_ approve.» As usual, I did not entirely understand what Marco was talking about, but I basically agreed.

On the command deck, Gonrod said, «Our mission is a simple one: to assassinate Visser Five. Since our first attempt failed, you will join us on our mission and rid the galaxy of the Abomination. Am I understood?»

«These guys need to get a clue,» Cassie said. «You’re doing really important work in the resistance, and they expect you to just drop it all and join them on their revenge quest? They have no respect!»

«I am only an _aristh_ ,» I said privately. «They assume that my operations must not be as important as theirs.» Publicly, I said, «Yes, Commander Gonrod.»

«I will take you on a tour of the ship,» Estrid declared. I braced myself for Gonrod to explode at her again, but he only stared balefully. Perturbed, I followed her.

«The command deck, the bridge, and the med bay are on the first tier, here,» Estrid said. She took me to the drop shaft, and I floated up behind her. «The second tier is an old mobile lab, now sealed off to save power.»

«This is my stop,» Toby announced. «An old sealed-off lab my scaly ass. I don’t trust Andalites as far as I can spit, which in this morph is less than a millimeter.»

«A girl after my own suspicious heart,» Marco said. «I’m going with you.»

Which left me with Loren, Tobias, and Cassie. Estrid said, «This is the third tier. Engine room, storage, feeding area, quarters. Are you hungry, Aximili?»

They would have real Andalite grass here, not the endless meager Earth grass I had to eat all day to feel satisfied. «Yes,» I said, hoping my desperation did not show.

«Then I will show you your quarters, and then to our feeding ground. It tastes mostly like chemical fertilizer, but what can you do? Military rations.» Estrid strode breezily through the corridor and waved open a door. «Look! It’s big enough to turn around in!»

It was better than my quarters had been on the GalaxyTree. «Thank you.»

Estrid shifted shyly on her hooves. «Would you come with me to my quarters? I have something to show you.»

«Oooh,» Cassie said. «Looks like someone might have a crush.»

That alarmed me. «I am not prepared to pursue a relationship at this time.»

«Then find a neutral ground,» Loren suggested. «Ask her to join you in the feeding area.»

«I am really very hungry,» I said. «I hope I do not impose by asking you to bring there what you wish to show me.»

Estrid averted all her eyes. «Very well.»

She showed me to the feeding area, a lush plot of tall, high-nutrient fixgrass with a reflecting pool in the center. I ate my fill, in a way I hadn’t in years, while Estrid retrieved whatever it was. She found me by the reflecting pool, drinking deep. When I saw what she was holding, I nearly fell into the water.

«Arbat approached your parents privately before our mission. It is a secret mission, and he should not have done it, but he is Apex Level Intelligence and has some discretion in these matters, and… perhaps he decided it was the right thing to do. They said it happened very soon after you called them from Earth.»

The flowers were beautifully pressed, no detail of petal or pistil lost. They were in clusters of small florets, each the size of my fingertip. They were all in the palest shades of orange, pink, and yellow. All together, across the canopy, they would look like dawn light falling on snow. The frame was carefully crafted of bark. I took it from Estrid and touched my fingers to the clear plasteel protecting the pressed flowers. They were so beautiful. I wondered what they smelled like.

«What happened?» Loren said. «What is she talking about?»

This was one of the most important moments in an Andalite’s life, and my only family on Earth did not even know what it was. I tried not to resent that, and failed. Still, Loren and Tobias would not learn unless I told them.

I debated with myself for a moment, then decided to include Cassie in my private thought-speech. «When an Andalite comes into adulthood, their Guide Tree blooms for the first time in their lifetime. I suppose it is something like when your dæmons settle.» Even I said it, I realized I should have known a long time ago that Firi Dria had flowered. The Hork-Bajir all told me I had the _hrala_ of an adult. Of course those things were connected. Why hadn’t I seen it? I went on, «It is a celebrated event in a young Andalite’s life. It is a tradition for an Andalite coming of age to gather the first blooms of the Guide Tree, and dry and press them as a keepsake. Pressing flowers is an ancient and honored art among my people.»

Estrid said, «They told Arbat they did the proxy rituals for you in your absence.»

«You weren’t there to see it,» Tobias said.

«I am not the first to miss my _Garibah_ ’s first flowering. There are proxy rituals – adaptations for my family to perform in my stead. They made an impressive effort pressing the flowers – and these would have been fallen ones, not fresh from the branch. I am very grateful.» To Estrid, I said, «Has your Guide Tree flowered yet?»

«Yes,» she said. «My mothers and brother held a great moon-watching party for me.»

As my parents would have done for me, if I were not stranded here on Earth. As Loren would not, could not, do for me, as a human living at the margins of her world.

«What do they look like?» Loren said, hushed and reverent. «I can’t see.»

«White tinted with warm colors. The last shades of dawn before full morning.» My parents’ hands had touched these flowers. They had made the paper backing, had carefully arranged the petals before weighing them down flat. They had gathered bark from their own Guide Trees to make the frame. I held the display to my chest. «Thank you, Estrid. Truly.»

«I will leave you to contemplation. Unless you would like the company?»

I had too much company already. I was mortified that Cassie had been here for this moment of great personal significance. If Estrid indeed had a “crush” on me, it was ill-timed. «I must decline. I require time alone. I will go to my quarters and await instruction.»

«You’ll probably be called soon. I think Arbat wants your input on the big assassination plan.»

«I will help however I can.» I retreated to the quarters Estrid had shown me.

When the door had closed, Cassie observed, «Estrid said your Guide Tree flowered right after you called home. That’s when you decided to trust us and tell us about Andalites.»

«Yes,» I said, rattled that Cassie had seen in me what I had not known about myself. Was there any part of my settling that was untouched by Earth, that could remain a pure connection to my heritage and my home?

Loren, Tobias, and Cassie took the opportunity to reset their morph clocks, one at a time so as not to excessively crowd me, which I appreciated. When Cassie was back in fly morph, she said, «I’m going to go check in with Marco and Toby. I’ll be back,» and slipped out under the door. When Tobias and Loren were in their own bodies, they each took a moment to look at the pressed flowers.

Back in morph, Loren told me, «I want to see Firi Dria someday.»

Tobias said tentatively, «I think I’d like that too.»

It was an acknowledgment. It was not enough. I wanted them to offer me some grand gesture, even though the war made it impossible: a flowering-gift, a concert, a party in the human style, at least, as all the other Animorphs had had when they settled.

Except for Tobias. He almost certainly did not receive even a quiet acknowledgment on the day Elhariel settled. I lowered my tail in acknowledgment of that.

«I have thought about it,» I said at last. Many times. When I’d seen Tobias anointing himself with flowers and had imagined Firi Dria’s petals, hazy in my imagination since I did not yet know what they would look like, falling and catching in his flyaway hair. One time I saw Elhariel perched in a tree and wondered what she would look like among Firi Dria’s branches. Loren and Jaxom could sit in her shade on a sunny day and be at peace. «Firi Dria is in a grove, connected to many other _Garibah_ by a root network. Flowering vines connect their branches, one to another. I think you would like it there.

«It was very kind of Arbat to acquire this for me. Perhaps we have been too quick to judge.»

  


**Cassie**

«Are you guys in there?» I said to the sealed door of the mobile lab.

In answer, the doors slid open. To the fly’s senses, the lab reeked of dead bodies. I tried not to freeze up in disgust and fear. Through fragmented fly vision, I saw that Marco and Toby were joined by a Chee, bare chrome, no hologram. «Is that Lourdes? What are you doing here?»

Marco said, “Well, when an automated security system tries to blast you into shreds when you try to squeeze into a lab as a fly, you start to wonder whether the lab might be hiding something. And when you need something hacked, you get a Chee.”

I started to demorph. Toby sneered, “Shut down mobile lab. Sealed off. Andalites keep living down to my expectations.”

When my human eyes came back, I could see what Toby meant. There was nothing shut down about this lab. I stood behind Lourdes. “What are they doing here?” I couldn’t really smell death in the air anymore with my weak human nose, but the memory lingered.

“Bioengineering,” Lourdes said vaguely. “Don’t distract me.”

“Bioengineering,” Toby repeated, lashing her tail. She could probably still smell it.

“Which leads us to a really important question,” Marco said, as Diamanta slithered around the lab, flicking her tongue at incomprehensible equipment. “Once we figure out whatever shady shit is going on in this lab – what do we do about the Andalites?”

I stared at Marco, my mind racing to keep up. Quincy flew off my shoulder and landed on Diamanta, talking quietly and urgently. They bared their fangs at each other. My mouth moved before my brain could settle on anything. “Well, we can’t just march down there and ask them what’s going on.”

Toby snorted.

“Yeah, don’t think they’re gonna give us a big Scooby Doo villain speech about how they would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for us meddling kids,” Marco said.

Diamanta reared her head up, sending Quincy scrambling backward on feet and wings. “Hey Lourdes. Can you get your claws into the environmental controls on this ship?”

“Got ‘em,” Lourdes said, then: “Oh. _Fuck_.”

“Have we ever heard a Chee curse before?” Marco said. “‘Cause I swear I haven’t.”

Toby loomed over Lourdes. “What is it?”

Lourdes looked up at her. Chrome parts shifted in her canine face, like a bicycle changing gears. Maybe for a Chee it was a frown, a bitten lip, a sigh. “It’s another quantum virus. Like the one that decimated your people. But this one is engineered to target Yeerks.”

“What,” I said.

“The Hork-Bajir must have told you,” Lourdes said. “The Andalites targeted them with a programmable virus. It has to be engineered for the target species – it alters the target on a genetic level – it turns the body against itself. A biological weapon. This one is engineered for Yeerks. Its structure is unstable, however, according to the research notes. It could potentially modify itself to other targets.”

My mind raced again. Somewhere, distantly, Toby was growling something dark and ugly. I couldn’t blame her. We were in a place of death; ugly thoughts were sprouting everywhere. Draped over Diamanta like a gargoyle, Quincy said, “Why does that sound familiar?”

I pushed the words through my numb mouth. “Lourdes. I need to ask Bachu a question.”

“I’m ready to pass it on.”

“The gene therapy treatment the Circle of Friends made to alter the Yoort,” I said. “How did that work, exactly? Did Aftran ever tell her?”

_Tick, tick, tick,_ went the moving parts inside Lourdes’s face. “Do you want me to contextualize that question for her.”

I licked my dry lips. “No.”

Lourdes nodded. She said, slowly, “You guessed right. It was a quantum virus programmed to modify the Yoort.”

“It was delivered by injection,” I said. “Am I remembering that right?”

“Yes.”

I looked at the screen in front of Lourdes. It showed a viral structure, a protein coat shaped like an antibody, branching and complex. “This one, though. It’s a weapon. It can spread on its own.”

“Holy shit,” Diamanta hissed to Quincy. “Are you really – “

“Which of the Andalites on this ship made this?” I pushed on, relentless.

“The security authorizations,” Lourdes said, “are for Estrid-Corrill-Darrath.”

I found my back against a wall, somehow, and slid down it. I pulled my knees in toward my chest. “We need her.”

“Dia,” Quincy said. “You get it, right?”

Dia’s tongue flickered in and out. She nodded.

Somewhere far above me, Toby spoke. I couldn’t look at her, though, only at the virus, its sinister branches. “I heard this story. Tobias told me. The gene therapy that made the Yoort unable to control people, unless they were allowed to. If they could program a virus to do that to the Yoort…”

“An apparent Andalite scientific prodigy can do it for the Yeerks,” Lourdes concluded.

Marco walked up to Lourdes and looked right into her beetle-black mechanical eyes. I’d been avoiding meeting his eyes, but I looked at him now. “Your creators were killed by a biological weapon.” Lourdes tilted her head, waiting. Marco raised an eyebrow. “You gonna tell on us to the other Chee? Throw a big old pacifist tantrum about this?” He leaned forward, so close his breath fogged the chrome on her chin. “Because this nasty idea of Cassie’s can win this war. Like, actually. We’ve had a lot of stupid ideas we thought might do it, but this one – this can _actually work_.”

Lourdes didn’t react to Marco in any way. It reminded me of when the Chee had been frozen by the malfunction in the Pemalite ship. She just said, “They’re going to find out sooner or later. But not on my account.”

Marco folded his arms across his chest. “Why not?”

“I’m not like Naxes or Alem or Bachu or any of the other Chee you’ve met.” Lourdes gestured to her body. “The Pemalites made us this way. They made us look like a cute metal versions of them. They made us pacifists. They made us to be companion androids. But they also made us sentient, which means I don’t have to _like it_. Those fawning lapdogs miss the people who made them to be the perfect friendly servants. Miss them so much they’re helping you to protect the dogs that bear their imprint. You know why _I’m_ helping you?”

Marco blinked. “At this point, I have no goddamn clue.”

“Because the only way a strict pacifist android can get off this boring backwater nothing of a planet without being detected and stripped for parts,” Lourdes said, “is if there _isn’t a war on_. I help you end this war, you get me a ship and safe passage at the end. Deal?” She stretched out her hand. Marco stared at it.

She went on, “Maybe I should point out that once the rest of the Chee find out about this plan, they’re never going to work with you again. From that second on, I’m the only Chee you’ve got.”

Marco looked over his shoulder at Dia, who looked back with her slitted yellow eyes. Her tail flicked, but she didn’t move away from Quincy. Marco looked back at Lourdes and shook her hand. “Deal.”

“So,” Dia said. “How much oxygen do you have to pump out of this ship to make the Andalites pass out?”

“What?” Toby said.

“Only way to stop a morpher,” Marco said. “Knock ‘em out so they can’t morph. Learned that one from Taylor. That Controller is a Grade-A psycho.”

“Who are these Andalites anyway?” Toby demanded. “I don’t believe what they told Ax in their introduction.”

Lourdes pulled up profiles on the ship’s crew. We read them over her shoulder. “They’re all listed as missing in action,” Marco said. “This is a suicide mission. To deliver that virus into the Yeerk Pool, probably.”

“The Andalites don’t want any evidence for their next war crime,” Toby said.

“Aloth is a black market organ dealer,” I said, disgusted.

“Gonrod is… a coward under fire?” Marco said. “Ooh, I like him.”

“He’s _dangerous_ ,” Toby insisted. “For all we know, all four of these Andalites are mass murderers! This Estrid is certainly one in the making, if she hasn’t killed off a species or two already.”

The breath rushed out of my body, and I suddenly felt the weight of every night of sleep I’d missed, every time I’d morphed one too many times and pushed myself beyond all endurance. “I told you. We need her. And probably Gonrod, too, if he’s the pilot of this ship. We need this lab.”

A heavy silence fell. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Dia curl a coil around Quincy. Lourdes broke the quiet. “Erek King passed on the information about Andalite oxygen needs. He and Ax worked that out when they were preparing for his brain surgery. I’m ready to execute. You will have to warn the Animorphs on the third tier of the ship, though. Unless you want them to pass out too.”

Toby, Marco, and I all exchanged looks.

Marco put a finger on his nose. “Dibs on not telling Ax.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone wants a reminder of the Iskoort history Cassie refers to, go ahead and reread [Bridge to the Stars Ch. 4: The Histories of Others](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3175664/chapters/7796246), where I set up the [Chekhov's gun](https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ChekhovSGun) that fires this chapter.


	5. <Tail blade buried in dirt>

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Encyclopedia of Concepts and Imagery in Andalite Thought-Speech  
> Entry: Surrender  
> «Head back, throat bared»  
> «Tail blade buried in dirt»

**Aftran Plisam Pool**

  


**#CheeChat**

The Chee only enter other message wells in the Pool intranet for administrative purposes. This is the message well where we can chat with any Chee who happen to be logged in to the intranet. This is an all-ages well, so if you want to talk with a Chee about a topic that is restricted to the adult well, please take it up in a private message.

  


**Mielan 19**

These robots the Chee are building are so amazing! Maybe if we give them all robot hosts, the Empire won’t have to fight anymore, and we can all go see our friends in the Grash Akdap Pool.

  


**[Chee] Luis and Zefirita**

I don’t think it’ll be quite as simple as that, @Mielan 19. But I do hope that when the Empire finds out about these new kinds of hosts, they’ll start to see that there’s a better and easier way.

  


**Janath**

[ _Emoji of a Yeerk scrunching up. The equivalent of a human eye-roll emoji._ ] Or they’ll just build an army of robot hosts and keep on doing their Empire thing.

  


**Mielan 71**

Oh no. [ _Sadness emoji_ ] Why can’t they learn to be nicer to other species like we learned how to be nicer in the Aftran Plisam Pool?

  


**Fighting Every Rane**

The Grash Akdap Pool is not a good place to learn how to be nice, is it? Things are going to have to change there in a big way for that to happen.

  


**Green Sky**

No offense meant to @Luis and Zefirita or any other Chee, but is it really ethical to make a robot just to be our companions?

  


**Green Sky**

I have been reading a human book called Frankenstein, at the recommendation of my Internet friends. It’s about a young scientist who makes a creature out of dead human body parts. When the creature comes to life, its dæmon curses the scientist for creating it.

  


**Green Sky**

What I’m trying to say is, what if your creation resents the purpose you made it for?

  


**[Chee] Luis and Zefirita**

You know, you sound exactly like @Pulim right now.

  


**[Chee] Luis and Zefirita**

Seriously, though, it’ll be fine. I’m making them to be companions, not weapons or monsters or anything bad. If anyone knows what it means to be a companion robot, it’s a Chee.

  


**Mielan 71**

What if we bred humans and Taxxons and stuff to be companions?

  


**Fighting Every Rane**

@Mielan 71 You need to log off right now and come talk to me in the Pool. This is not acceptable behavior. You know better than this. You’ve already gotten two demerits for this kind of talk.

  


**Mielan 71**

What? How is that different from making robots to be companions?

  


**Fighting Every Rane**

You’ve already learned how breeding works in different species. It’s something very personal and very important, and not something you should ever force anyone to do.

  


**Mielan 71**

@Essa 283 says if we just had some more generations to breed our hosts, we could get them to like being infested.

  


**Eslin 825**

Listen, @Mielan 71. Please log off and come speak to me and @Fighting Every Rane. We need you to tell us everything Essa 283 told you. You won’t get in trouble.

  


**Mielan 71**

Promise?

  


**Eslin 825**

Promise.

  


  


**Aftran Plisam Pool**

****  


**#Adults**

If your spawn-name is Mielan, you should not have access to this channel. If you do, somebody will find out, so log off now before you get in trouble.

  


**Eslin 825**

Feedback is solicited from all adult Yeerks in the Pool. Essa 283 has been found in serious violation of our policies about how to raise our children. The Aftran Plisam Pool has never before seen a rule broken in such a grave manner, so we’ve never had to think about how to deal with Yeerks who break our rules. We must do so now. Especially since some of us are arranging to smuggle new arrivals into our Pool soon.

  


**Vanarx Hunter**

Could we subdivide out an adults-only section of the Pool? Clearly we can’t allow them anywhere near the children.

  


**Hrerr**

For how long?

  


**Vanarx Hunter**

Until they learn to follow the rules.

  


**Generation Freedom**

We can’t make a prison in here! We all fled the Grash Akdap Pool because it WAS a prison!

  


**Akdor’s Worst Nightmare**

Then how are we supposed to keep them from corrupting the children with their horrible Empire propaganda?

  


**Vanarx Hunter**

A guard?

  


**Arklin**

Oh yeah, and are you ready to do a shift guarding that little dapsen? For how long?

  


**Deinfestation**

We should never have allowed them in this Pool in the first place. We should have known the Vissers would only put a completely loyal lieutenant in an Animorph’s parent. We could have just left them for the Animorphs to deal with.

  


**Vanarx Hunter**

I’ll guard Essa 283 for as long as we need if it will keep them from being KILLED.

  


**Janath**

@Eslin 825, do you know of any traditional methods of dealing with rulebreakers on the homeworld?

  


**Eslin 825**

My stories say that rulebreakers are supposed to “study the law” until they learn it properly. But we don’t really have our own law to study, do we?

  


**Eslin 825**

Maybe we need to make our own law. Before our new arrivals come. And maybe Essa 283 needs to be involved in making it.

  


**Ax**

As I morphed to fly along with the other Animorphs, all I could think was that Toby was right about my people, though I could not bring myself to admit it to her.

We were liars. We were war criminals. We never learned from our worst excesses, but repeated them endlessly. We told our children stories about honor to teach them to sacrifice their lives for a war that had none.

Did I even have a people anymore? Could I bear to think of myself as an _aristh_ any longer?

«If we use this virus as a weapon – even if we modify it,» Tobias argued, «what makes us any better than the Andalites? We’re doing the same thing!»

«It’s the only way the Yeerks survive this,» Cassie said. «The Andalites will never let them live so long as they can take people over against their will. Except maybe in the Pools back on their homeworld – but the Andalites have them blockaded, so God knows what they’re doing there – maybe they don’t even let them exist on their own planet.»

Only yesterday, I would have insisted to Cassie that what she suggested was impossible. Today, I could not.

«So we offer it to Yeerks who want it – we don’t stoop to the Andalites’ level,» Tobias said.

«Tobias,» Loren said gently. «Maybe we can talk about how terrible the Andalites are some other time?»

«He may if he wishes to,» I said. «I do not disagree.»

«You don’t? You think we can do better than Cassie’s plan?»

«I meant I do not disagree that Andalite military has sunk to unspeakable depths. Cassie’s plan has great strategic merit.»

«So does this ship’s plan,» Tobias said, «if you don’t care about morals at all.»

«Are you suggesting that Cassie has no moral concern for Yeerks?»

Tobias fell silent. No one else rushed to speak. I was grateful. We were all fully morphed. Finally, Cassie said, «Let’s go to the second tier.»

Lourdes might have evacuated the oxygen from the ship already; my fly body would be unaffected in any case. The ship did seem very quiet as we flew down the drop shaft, though perhaps it was only my imagination. Loren said to me, «I’m sorry. I wish – you deserve better people than this.»

«Do I? I think back to who I was before the Dome ship crashed and I – I wonder how much I would have objected to this. Did I really know better? Or would I have just been glad to cleanse the galaxy of the Yeerk scourge, no matter how it was accomplished?»

«I told you about what Elfangor did, right? When he challenged Alloran’s order to flush all those Yeerks into space? You weren’t so different from him, were you?»

«Early in my time on Earth, before we met you, Prince Jake ordered us to boil a pool of Yeerks to death. None of us challenged him. I am sorry, Loren. I am not Elfangor.»

When we reached the second tier, the supposedly sealed-off mobile lab slid its doors open. Chee-pulim stepped out. “The oxygen has been evacuated. Mostly.”

A silence fell. «Prince Marco?» I said.

«Oh, right, I’m Prince Marco. I should really get one of those swishy capes and a tiara, buuuuut instead I get four knocked-out Andalites. Great start to my reign. So. Six of us plus Lourdes. We’ll need to separate the Andalites as much as we can so they can’t make secret plans with private thought-speech, so let’s all pick an Andalite and take a romantic moonlight walk. Two each for three Andalites, one for the fourth… hmm…»

It was a relief to take orders, to put my trust in my prince, to defer the looming and terrible knowledge of who my people were and what that meant about me.

«Okay, Ax, Estrid got all buddy-buddy with you, so you go with Cassie to get her with the program. Loren, you’re flying solo with Gonrod – you know Andalites, you’ll be fine. Tobias and Toby, you deal with Arbat. Lourdes, you back me up with Aloth. Let’s go find some unconscious Andalites.»

  


Estrid turned out to be with Arbat in his quarters, which raised a number of questions I did not look forward to answering. At Marco’s request, Pulim carried Estrid to her own quarters. “I’ll turn the emergency lighting on when the oxygen levels start to come back up,” Pulim said, and left us there as flies.

«How will we do this?» I said. I looked at Estrid, vast and fragmented in my fly vision, her smell alien.

«You’re angry at her because she used you,» Cassie said. «Start from there. Make it personal. I’ll figure her out from her reactions.»

«Cassie,» I said, «have I ever mentioned that I am glad to be on your side?»

The emergency lights flashed. Cassie and I demorphed, and she went on to wolf morph instead of her usual moose, which would not have fit in Estrid’s quarters. I held my blade to Estrid’s throat and waited for her to wake.

Her main eyes opened first. Her nostrils flared, dragging in air. Then she felt my tail blade on her throat, and her stalk eyes flew open, focusing on Cassie as her main eyes fixed on me. «Is this one of your pet humans?»

«Cassie is not my pet,» I said. «She serves as my equal.»

«Traitor!»

I flicked my fingers in contempt. «It is very bold of someone who has violated the 8566 Convention on War Ethics to tell another Andalite that he is a traitor.» Estrid’s face hardened as she realized I had learned about her secret lab. «You never cared about Firi Dria at all, did you? That entire display was intended to manipulate me. What for?»

«We need the location of the Yeerk Pool,» Estrid said. «It is too well protected. Our sensors cannot detect it. If you could just tell us – »

«So you can re-enact our disgrace on the Hork-Bajir homeworld?»

«We successfully prevented the Yeerks from obtaining even more highly dangerous and effective – »

I pressed my blade a little into Estrid’s throat, raising a shallow line of blood. «That is all the Hork-Bajir are to you?» I demanded. «Shock troops to the Yeerks?»

«The universe is a vast place, Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill. We cannot afford to be sentimental about one species. There is too much at stake.» Her main eyes lit with the fire of true passion. «Aximili, if you only understood the elegance of the equations. If you could grasp the mathematical beauty... We are on the verge of deploying a weapon that, once it is perfected, will make us invulnerable! We will have absolute power throughout the galaxy! We can destroy the Yeerks. But not only the Yeerks. We can stop all wars, all destruction, annihilate all enemies of decency and goodness before they can carry out their evil!»

«So the Andalites are decency and goodness, and the Yeerks are the evil we must eradicate?» I thought of Aftran and Illim, looked into Estrid’s eyes burning with zealotry, and knew despair. The moment realization came, I spoke it. «You are brilliant. Programming a quantum virus all by yourself – the only Andalite I have heard of with such skill is Escafil herself. But I have met Yeerks with more decency and goodness than you, Estrid-Corrill-Darrath.»

Estrid recoiled. «You _are_ a traitor. You have defected from your own people to serve humans, Hork-Bajir – even Yeerks, by your own admission!»

I shook my head, even though it was a human gesture only Cassie would understand. «No. I have learned something in my time on Earth. These _are_ my people. Anyone who believes in freedom, anyone who resists tyranny, anyone who pursues peace is ‘my people.’ Andalite, Hork-Bajir, human – and yes, perhaps even Yeerk.»

Estrid tilted her head back, baring her throat even more to my blade. «Then kill me. Better that than to serve the Yeerks alongside you.»

«Did I say I served the Yeerks? I do not. But neither do I serve the Andalite War Council on Apex Level Intelligence missions. That is why you were in Arbat’s quarters, isn’t it?»

«Arbat and I will be honored as heroes by the War Council when we rid the galaxy of the Yeerk scourge!»

At long last, Cassie spoke. Her voice was gentle, almost pitying. «Oh. Is that what they told you?»

Estrid’s nostrils flared. «What would you know about it, human?»

«So you don’t know that you’re listed in the ship’s data banks as missing in action,» Cassie said, and at last I understood what she meant.

«Arbat meant her to die once she had fulfilled her purpose,» I said.

«What! You’re lying! Show me!»

«Lourdes is with Marco right now,» Cassie told me privately. «We can’t get into the files without her.» In public thought-speech she said, «Do I really need to, Estrid? The War Council didn’t send you on a Dome ship with a full crew and a big ceremony. They sent you in secret, on a beaten-up junker, with Arbat and two convicted criminals. Take it from me, one female warrior to another: they’re going to forget all about you and give the man all the credit. If Arbat even lets you live long enough to be competition.»

«What does your human want from me?» Estrid demanded.

«Once again, she is not my human,» I said. «She has a proposition for you.»

«I’m going to demorph for this part,» Cassie said, «so you can see who I really am.»

I thought the wolf morph was a perfectly fine representation of who Cassie was for Estrid’s purposes, but I would not contradict Cassie in this. «If you try to take advantage of her vulnerable human form, you will regret it.»

«Oh, will I?» Estrid sneered. Her main eyes narrowed. Then her tail pulled on my left hind leg, sending me wildly off-balance. She had moved her tail within reach of me without my notice! Cassie was mid-morph and unable to intervene. By the time I regained my balance, Estrid was up on her feet. She executed a perfect _hald-wurra_ , landing me on the floor under her tail blade, when moments earlier it had been the other way around.

Cassie, fully human now, folded her arms across her chest. “Am I going to have to morph again to take you down, or can we all talk like reasonable adults – or, um, reasonable teenagers. If such a thing even exists.”

«Is this human your _prince_?» Estrid said.

«No. My prince is a different human. However, I suggest you listen to Cassie.»

«Very well,» she said reluctantly, and gave me space to get on my feet, stinging from my loss to a female I had had on the ground at my mercy. «What is your proposal, human?»

“First of all, my name is Cassie. My dæmon is Quincy, if that means anything to you,” Cassie said, as Quincy flared out his wings on her shoulder.

«The humans’ vaunted secondary bodies?» Estrid asked.

«That is what we are taught, but it is not entirely accurate. It is more accurate to say they are Guide Trees in the form of animals. Guide Animals, if you like.»

«They take their Guide Trees with them everywhere? Even into battle? How terrible! I would hate to expose Surra Erf to such danger.»

“Not really,” Quincy said. “We’re in morph during battle.”

«Nonetheless. A Guide Animal of your size could be snatched away at any moment.»

Quincy bared his fangs and mantled his wings. «I do not believe she meant that as a threat,» I told him privately, and Cassie nodded her understanding.

Estrid may have let me go, but her tail was still high and ready to strike. «I repeat: what do you want from me?»

Cassie held her main eyes. “What if I told you there’s a way to program the quantum virus so that it takes away the Yeerks’ ability to forcibly take over other species’s minds? _Without_ killing them?”

«I would say it is impossible, and even if it were possible, there is no way your primitive human understanding of biotechnology could grasp at such a concept.»

“It’s possible, and we can prove it,” Cassie said. “Some of us have acquired DNA from Yeerks that were genetically modified this way. We can give you blood samples.”

«Cassie is correct,» I said, in case my words would have any more weight with Estrid than Cassie’s. «I observed this myself.»

«Where could you have possibly found such a thing? Who accomplished this?»

“It’s a long story, but the point is, it was somewhere a long way away from here, and no one here knows about this or how it was done. But I saw your work on the ship’s computer, and I’m pretty sure _you_ could figure it out if we gave you the blood samples as a template to work with.”

«And why should I dedicate my scientific genius to this project of yours,» Estrid said, flicking her fingers in contempt, «when I can end this war, and any other war that may arise, with the quantum virus I already have?»

“You know,” Cassie said, “I could give you a whole speech about how genocide just creates more conflict instead of stopping it. I could back it up with all kinds of examples from human history. I could point out to you how my solution turns millions of Yeerks into possibly useful allies, who’ve already proven they can develop from the Stone Age to almost Andalite-level technology in just forty years – and don’t tell me that was all Prince Seerow. I mean, humans are well past the Stone Age, but if an Andalite gave us a spaceship, it would take us a decade to figure out how to make another one, and the Yeerks did way more than that starting with way less. Those are people I want on my side.

“But you wouldn’t really listen to any of that, would you? So I’ll put this in terms that actually matter to you. You're not the only smart girl in this room, so I’m going to tell you something from experience. If you help us modify the virus, you'll be the female scientist who defeated the Yeerks through her brilliant feats of genetic engineering. They'll call you 'The Girl Genius.' If you massacre the Yeerks to extinction with another quantum virus? Even if Arbat thanks you instead of killing you and taking the credit, everyone will just call you 'The Evil Bitch.'" She looked back and forth between me and Estrid. "Did that last word translate for you?"

It had, perhaps even better than Cassie had anticipated – for an Andalite, being likened to a female predator is a grave insult indeed. Estrid looked so incandescent with rage, I prepared myself for a fight. «And what prevents _you_ from killing me and taking the credit?»

Cassie smiled. “Who would believe that a group of primitive human teenagers was able to develop this virus? We’ve gathered some allies over the course of this war, but believe me, if you join us, you’ll be the only one who could possibly engineer something like this.” Quincy flashed fangs. “Don’t get me wrong. We have an ally who can understand what you’re doing, and she’ll be keeping an eye on you to make sure you’re not developing anything _else_. But she’s only able to follow along, not innovate the way you can.”

I realized Cassie was referring to Lourdes, and she had an excellent point. We would need Lourdes to keep constant watch over Estrid to make sure she was delivering as promised. Estrid could perhaps be convinced to work with us on this, but that did not mean she could be trusted.

«I must speak with Arbat,» Estrid said. «To verify some of what you have said.»

“He’ll just lie to you,” Cassie said. “Let us show you the personnel files. They really do say you’re missing in action.”

«If he has lied to me, then I will have him answer for it!»

“Tell us you’ll work with us first,” Cassie said firmly.

«You have control of the ship,» Estrid said sulkily. «I do not see how I have any choice.»

«We can prevent you from returning home. But we cannot force you to develop the virus in the way Cassie has proposed,» I said. «That must be your choice.»

«If you can give me the DNA samples that you claim exist,» Estrid said, «then yes, I will do it.»

“What do you think, Ax?” Cassie said. “You know Andalite body language better than me. Is she for real?”

«She is intensely curious about the Yoort. Those are the genetically modified Yeerks,» I explained to Estrid. «If for no other reason than her need to understand how it was done, I believe she will do as we ask.»

“All right,” Cassie said. “Then we wait for this door to open.”

«You cannot open it yourself?» Estrid said.

“We didn’t know how this interview was going to go. No one in this room can open the door. And our friends are going to ask us some questions before they open it, just in case you decided to knock us out and acquire our DNA.”

Estrid asked me, «Did Cassie come up with this plan?»

«No. That was a different human. Marco, our commander for this mission.»

«These humans who fight alongside you,» Estrid said, «are dangerous. The War Council may try to assassinate them, if they learn just how dangerous they are.»

«Thank you for the warning,» I said. «And for confirming all my worst suspicions of the Andalite War Council.»

«They would be wise to do so,» Estrid went on. «If this insane scheme of yours should come to fruition, it will derail all of their plans for the war and what may come after.»

“Good,” Cassie said. “From what we’ve seen of them so far, I bet we’d hate their plans.”

There was a faintly audible knock at the door. My stalk eyes snapped toward it. Marco said, «Anyone alive in there?»

«We are all alive and well,» I said.

Cassie morphed wolf from the neck upward, a ghoulish look that nonetheless earned open admiration from Estrid, her stalk eyes spread wide apart to take it all in. «We’re good. Estrid’s on board.»

«Okay, security questions. Ax, what’s the website I like to hang out on at your scoop?»

«A discussion forum analyzing obscure aspects of Marvel comic books _._ »

«Cool. Never tell Rachel about that. If she asks, tell her I look at _Baywatch_ fan shoots. Cassie, which monument are we gonna tear down and replace after the war?»

«The Washington Monument,» Cassie said, a laugh sparkling in her thought-speech. «Ours’ll be way better.»

«Congratulations! You’re really you and not Estrid pretending to be you! Hi, Estrid, how’s it going? You ready to get your science on?»

«I have demands and pre-conditions,» Estrid said, «which include access to the ship’s restricted personnel files.»

«So, ‘yes, but I’m going to be whiny about it.’ I’ll take it. Come on out, everyone.»

The door opened. Marco was there in gorilla morph, holding a Shredder, presumably Aloth’s. Aloth was with him, professional and inscrutable. I could not see Pulim, but could only assume she was present under a hologram. «I thought you were going to say that,» Marco said, «so I already have yours pulled up at the computer terminal on the bridge. I’ll see you down there in a few.»

«Aloth?» Estrid said. «You are cooperating with the humans as well?»

«Arbat meant to have us all killed on this mission,» Aloth said. «You may verify this for yourself in your personnel file. I like my chances with the humans better.»

«We don’t call ourselves “the humans,”» Marco said. «Especially since we’re not all human. We’re the Animorphs. Our whole resistance group on Earth is the Guardians of the Galaxy. Now, are you gonna go to the bridge to read all the dirt, or are you coming with us to check on the rest of the crew?»

Estrid asked me privately, «Marco is in a morph, correct? It resembles a human, but larger and hairier, and no visible… Guide Animal.»

«Correct. Also, humans cannot thought-speak.»

Public now, Estrid said, «I will come with you. I am honestly curious to see how the rest of your… ‘interviews’ have proceeded.»

«As I do not particularly care,» Aloth said, «I will go the bridge myself.» His main eyes went to Marco. «If I am permitted to do so.» I wondered what Marco had done in his interrogation to secure such respect from a ruthless assassin.

«Go ahead,» Marco said easily. «Loren and Gonrod are in that grass room, which is your Andalite cafeteria, I guess.Let’s see how that’s going.»

As we approached the sealed-off door to the feeding area, we began to sense public thought-speech from the other side, which I took to be Gonrod’s.

«…Elfangor’s belief in military interventionism.» A pause. «You claim to have been his mate and you disagree?» Another pause. «Well. That is certainly true among Andalites. It is the same for humans, then?»

«Hey guys,» Marco said. «Sorry to interrupt what sounds like a cozy little chat, but it’s time to check in.»

There was a pause. Then Loren said, «Gonrod and I… have reached an understanding. I think.»

Marco said to me, «You wanna do the honors of checking it’s really her?»

I said, «What was the last meal you served me and Tobias at your home before you were forced to flee?»

«Thanksgiving dinner,» Loren said. «It was a little sad. I made the stuffing from a mix.»

«I enjoyed the stuffing.»

«I know,» Loren said dryly. «You made a kind of… weird slurry out of the mix and the cranberry sauce.»

«It was – »

« _Gross_ ,» Marco said. «We’re done! Satisfied! I am opening the door before I have to hear about one more thing Ax put in his mouth.»

As the door opened, we saw Loren morphing back to human. She and Gonrod stood in the rich blue Andalite grass. «I will not oppose you,» Gonrod declared. «But I will not serve under an _aristh_ as my prince.»

«Good news,» Marco said. «Ax isn’t actually our prince. Our prince is a human, and definitely not an _aristh_ in your academy.»

Gonrod took a step forward. «Listen to me, human. I joined this mission on the _Ralek River_ to clear my military record. I will do nothing to jeopardize my position.»

Estrid sneered, «He joined this mission to prove the Wurilit aren’t the cowards everyone knows they – »

«Enough!» I snapped at her. «You were sent to die on this mission, the same as he was.» Estrid quietly sulked at being placed on the same level as Gonrod.

«They might have promised you a clean slate, buddy, but they didn’t mean for you to come back alive,» Marco said. «Loren went over this with you, right? Whatever you thought you were gonna get out of this, you can give it up now. We’re offering you a chance to actually survive this war. Maybe. If you help us. Big maybe. I’m not so sure myself, but a guy’s gotta dream, right?»

«My crewmates have agreed to this?» One of Gonrod’s stalk eyes focused on Estrid. She drew herself up in a proud strut.

«Aloth and Estrid have,» Marco said. «We haven’t gotten to Arbat yet. They’re smart enough to realize we have lots of reasons to want you alive, while the Yeerks and the Andalite military both want you dead.»

Gonrod deflated, his posture slackening. «Loren says you need the _Ralek River_ for its laboratory.»

«That’s right. No going home for you guys, at least for now. We’ve locked down the ship’s space capability, just in case our impeccable logic doesn’t get through to you. Don’t worry, I’m sure we’ll keep you busy. Come on, let’s go talk to your big creepy spy buddy, Arbat.» Marco knuckle-marched down the corridor to Arbat’s quarters, and we followed him, Gonrod a little reluctantly. Marco pounded the thick reinforced metal door with his gorilla fist. «Hey! How’s it going in there?»

There was a pause in which my hearts skipped a beat. Then Tobias said shakily, «Um. Bad?»

«Do you need backup?» Marco said.

«No,» Tobias said. «We just need to get out of here.»

«Bad?» Estrid demanded. «Arbat? Arbat, what have the humans done!»

«Calm down everybody, first Tobias and Toby gotta win my game show, _Animorph or Ani-Faker._ Tobias, what’s that really funny joke I told you and Rachel when Jake wasn’t there to be all disapproving about it?»

«You got out a salt shaker and told us if either of us hurt the other you wouldn’t be afraid to use it,» Tobias said. «Also, it wasn’t that funny.»

«Ding ding ding! Okay, Toby, what did we do together at my _hralathu-ka_?»

«She says you tried to teach her to salsa but the height difference made it kind of tough,» Tobias said. «Can you _please_ open the door now?»

Presumably, Lourdes opened it, though we could not see her. Beyond the door was a scene of carnage. The reek of death roiled through the air: fresh blood, spilled digestive fluids, and burnt flesh. Arbat lay on the floor, mauled by Hork-Bajir blades, the smoking ruin of a Shredder blast between his forelegs. Tobias was in his Ket Halpak morph, holding a Shredder. Toby dripped with blue Andalite blood, and there was a ruin of green blood and clear jelly where her left eye should have been.

I shut my nose to the awful smell. Gonrod reared, backed down the hallway, and raised his tail in a defensive position. Estrid cried out and moved to attack Toby. Marco punched her at the base of her torso, her center of gravity, sending her flying backward. His thought-speech came out low and dangerous. « _No._ I have _no_ time for this. What the _fuck_ happened in here?»

«The second Arbat was conscious, he started morphing small to try to escape. So I stunned him with his Shredder,» Tobias said, hefting the weapon for emphasis. «When he came to, he started demanding we tell him where the Yeerk Pool is, so he could end the war once and for all. I told him we knew about the virus, and there was no way we were going to tell him, and didn’t he care that it might mutate and attack humans and Hork-Bajir too? Then he said it didn’t matter how many primitive species had to die as long as the Andalites won the war, and Toby, uh… kind of lost her temper.»

“This Andalite was a genocidal maniac and the galaxy is better without him,” Toby said, glaring at Estrid.

Gonrod eased his stance, just a little, but kept his tail between himself and Toby. Estrid studied Arbat’s corpse with her main eyes, and fixed a loathing stare with one of her stalk eyes on Toby, but didn’t argue. I didn’t either, though this marked the second occasion in recent days that I had seen Toby act as judge, jury, and executioner for a prisoner of war. Now was not the time to raise my concerns.

«All right. Estrid and Gonrod? Listen up,» Marco said. «I definitely didn’t want our little talks to get all murder-y, but since one of them did, let’s turn this into lesson time. I don’t care what you two chucklefucks think you know about the Hork-Bajir. They are extremely badass, all of them lost pretty much everything escaping the Yeerks, and our survival as a resistance group on Earth one hundred percent depends on them. Oh, and they haven’t forgotten about the last time you all tried your hands at genocide. They tell stories about it around the campfire. So I’m gonna make a teensy little suggestion that you show them respect. You might want to pass that on to Aloth, too, since he’s not here to see Exhibit A.»

Toby growled, low in her chest, and Estrid turned her staring eye away.

“Toby,” Cassie said gently. “Maybe you should morph off all that damage.”

“Right. Of course,” Toby said, shifting to her Frolis Maneuver Hork-Bajir morph. A new eye, green to Toby’s natural yellow, burst out of the ruins of the old.

«There is a washroom across the hall to clean up all this gore,» Gonrod said stiffly, indicating the room with a bend of his stalk eye. «We must maintain shipboard hygiene, whatever our mission may be. Do you understand, Hork-Bajir?»

Toby bared her teeth and said nastily, “I’ll be sure to be very hygienic while disposing of your esteemed commander’s corpse.”

«You will do no such thing,» Estrid said, incensed. «What would you know about how to show due respect to an Andalite’s remains?»

«Toby,» Tobias said warningly.

“Fine. Do what you will.” Toby went to the washroom. Estrid strode toward the safety kit in Arbat’s quarters and began pulling on personal protective equipment.

«You ready to pilot this thing, Mr. Hotshot?» Marco said.

«Where are we going?» Gonrod said.

«Somewhere more convenient than here,» Marco said. «We can’t go renting a motorboat every time we need to talk to you guys.»

  


In the end, we directed Gonrod to the site of my former scoop in Los Padres National Forest, as Toby stated in no uncertain terms that she would not allow the _Ralek River_ or its crew in Kref Magh. We also instructed him to use all possible stealth, despite the ship’s formidable cloaking ability, since it would not obscure the _Ralek River_ from Hork-Bajir _hrala_ -sight.

While Gonrod piloted the ship, with admittedly impressive skill, the Guardians of the Galaxy conferred on the bridge in private thought-speech.

«We’re going to need a constant guard on this ship,» Marco said. «They may be cooperating to save their pointy butts for now, but I don’t trust any of these three clowns.»

«Especially not Estrid,» Cassie said. «We’ll need Lourdes here basically all the time, since she’s the only one who can possibly understand what Estrid is doing in that lab.»

«But she needs backup, because she can’t fight,» Tobias said.

«We can establish a rotation of my warriors and Animorphs as guard when we return to Kref Magh,» Toby said.

«And inform Rachel and Prince Jake of what has transpired here,» I added.

A collective groan rose from the group.

«I will stay behind with Lourdes on the _Ralek River_ while the rest of you settle matters in Kref Magh,» I said. «If Prince Jake wishes to know my assessment of Cassie’s plan, tell him I think it is the best chance at victory we have found so far. Victory as we perceive it, not as Arbat did.»

«Thank you, Ax,» Cassie said.

Before Toby, Tobias, Loren, Cassie, and Marco left, Estrid demanded blood samples from Tobias and Marco, who had acquired Yoort DNA. Reluctantly, they agreed. Lourdes and I stood in the lab with Estrid as she carefully pipetted subsamples of blood from the vials into smaller centrifuge tubes. Lourdes was invisible, while I felt all too obvious. Estrid said, «I saw the Animorph you call Tobias morph directly from Hork-Bajir to hawk. How did he do this?»

«It is the result of a complex and unlikely series of events. However, in summary, Tobias became a hawk _nothlit_ , and an Ellimist restored the morphing power to him afterward. Therefore, hawk is now his base form for the purposes of morphing.»

Estrid sneered. «An Ellimist did it. Do you think I am a stupid child? What will you tell me next, that you acquired an Escafil Device by plucking it like a fruit from the branch of a magic tree?»

«It is the truth. I have no proof other than its very impossibility.»

Estrid held up a tube of Tobias’s blood up to the light, then slotted it into her centrifuge. «Very well. If you will not tell me the truth, then I will discover it for myself.»


	6. <Hand makes the shape of a question>

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Encyclopedia of Concepts and Imagery in Andalite Thought-Speech  
> Entry: The Electorate  
> «Hand makes the shape of a question»  
> «Tally marks carved by tail blades into the bark of a great tree»

**Aftran Plisam Pool**

****  


**#Newcomers**

Welcome to the Aftran Plisam Pool! Our Pool culture is still a work in progress, but we’ll do our best to integrate you into it. Ask questions and get acclimated here. This is an all-ages well, so if you have a question about a topic that is restricted to the adult well, please take it up in a private message.

  


**Sulp Niar**

Hello? Is this working?

  


**Arklin**

[ _Emoji of a Pool turbulent with new Yeerks swimming into it. Indicates greeting and welcome._ ] You’ve got it! Welcome, newcomers! I hope the journey wasn’t too difficult.

  


**Sulp Niar**

Oh, believe me, it was terrifying. I thought I was going to get caught or left out to dry at any moment.

  


**Arklin**

But you made it! We thought you all would. Illim and Tidwell haven’t let us down yet.

  


**Grr’rnr Herder**

Not all of us made it. Eftrof was caught gathering Yeerks during one of their Pool-cleaning rounds. All of them will be tortured for information. I won’t let you forget Eftrof. They were my friend.

  


**Generation Freedom**

Oh no! Eftrof didn’t make it?

  


[ _A flood of sadness emojis._ ]

  


**Hrerr**

I hate to bring this up so soon, but do we have to worry about an information breach from Eftrof and the others who were captured?

  


**Eslin 825**

No. This is why we have so much information security. Eftrof knew where to hand off the Yeerks and what the pass-phrase was, but not who they were supposed to be meeting.

  


**Bandit**

So… can we really talk about whatever we want in here?

  


**Eslin 825**

Thank you for bringing that up, @Bandit. We’re just starting to work on what the law of the Aftran Plisam Pool should be. All are welcome to join us in the #Governance message well and have a say in the discussion.

  


**Jake**

I managed not to interrupt at any point during the completely insane story about what happened on board the _Ralek River_.

Rachel interrupted a lot. She said, “Oh my God, you stole an Andalite ship without me?” and “This Arbat sounds like the galaxy’s biggest douchebag,” and “ _Damn_ , Cassie – just, damn.”

I spent the whole time pacing back and forth, Merlyse flitting from branch to branch overhead, neither of us saying anything. When it was over, I said, “Where are the camp chairs? I need to sit down.”

Rachel brought over a camp chair. Merlyse landed on the arm. I sat down and folded over, rubbing my face with my hands, giving my thoughts time to settle. Merlyse said it first in my ear, then loud enough for everyone to hear. “This could be it. If Estrid does what she promised, if we play our cards right, this could be the way we win the war.”

«By using a biological weapon,» Tobias said. «We’ve been over this before with the instant maple and ginger oatmeal. We decided it wasn’t worth the cost. What’s changed?»

“This doesn’t addict the Yeerks, or destroy their minds,” Cassie said. “It doesn’t trap hosts into Yeerk enslavement forever.”

“It could,” Rachel said, “if Estrid double-crosses us. Which it sounds like she would if she got half a chance.”

_What’s really changed,_ Merlyse thought, _is that we got more desperate. We lost the hope of the Andalite fleet coming to save us._ But that was something she didn’t dare say out loud. Instead, I said, “More than that. What happens if we let this virus loose in the Pool, even if Estrid makes it just like we want it? Human-Controllers will start getting back control, and they’ll have Dracon beams in their hands. They’ll turn them on the Hork-Bajir-Controllers who dragged their dæmons down the infestation pier.” I remembered the agony I went through under Temrash’s control. “Or on themselves.”

“And what happens to all the immigrants and homeless people and disabled people the Sharing is taking care of right now?” Rachel said. “Or the people they’re giving health care to? Julie, here in the Valley, she told me the Sharing covered her epilepsy meds. The Sharing falls apart, all those people are left in the lurch.”

«Exactly,» Tobias said. «All of that was true when we had the oatmeal, and it’s just as true now with this virus. More true, since Eva and Aftran started all those new Sharing initiatives.»

Marco wrapped Dia around his wrists and sneered. “Oh, sure. Blame them for this. Like having Mr. Andalite Collector in charge would be so much better.”

«I’m not saying that.»

I straightened in my chair. Marco was simmering just under the boiling point. Cassie held Quincy up to her mouth and blinked rapidly to hold back tears. It was like David’s murder all over again – the best solution we had, in all its horror, from the one person who least wanted to carry it out. Except this time, it was on a whole other scale. “This is too big for just us to decide,” I said. What I didn’t say was that the last time the Animorphs voted on something without consulting anyone else, we’d decided on giving Tom the morphing power, and look how that had turned out. “If we’re going to do this – ”

“No,” Merlyse interrupted. “Don’t be vague about it. Let’s say it. If we’re going to spread this virus to all the Yeerks on Earth and in orbit, we’re going to need all of the Guardians of the Galaxy to pull it off. It’s not just our decision. It’s everyone’s.”

I looked up at Toby. “We need to have a meeting circle. All the Hork-Bajir. The human new-frees. Mertil. The Chee. We’re going to lose them, aren’t we? If we vote yes. The Pemalites were killed by the Howlers’ biological weapons.”

Marco nodded. “That’s what Lourdes said.”

“What about the Aftran Plisam Pool?” Cassie said. Everyone turned to look at her. “Some of the Peace Movement Yeerks _died_ to get their hosts here to Kref Magh. They’re part of the Guardians of the Galaxy too. The ones in the main Pool can’t be part of this, but Illim and the Aftran Plisam Pool can.”

“They’re probably not going to be thrilled about this plan,” Marco said.

“I don’t know about that. Aftran must have told me a dozen times how much she wished she could have gotten the same treatment the Yoort did. Anyway, even if they all vote no, we still can’t leave them out of this. They deserve a say.” Cassie looked at me and Toby.

I sighed. “You’re right. They’re part of this, too. If any of them are on board, they might even be able to help.”

“My people will not like it,” Toby said, “but I will make their case. But how will we do it? They can’t exactly come to the meeting circle.”

Loren spoke up. “The Aftran Plisam Pool has internet now. The Chee could set up a secure connection. Illim and Tidwell could act as a go-between.”

“ _What_?” Marco said. “The Yeerks have been going on the _internet_? Since when?”

«Since Ax set it up for them a few weeks ago,» Tobias said. «The Chee monitor it to make sure they don’t post anything incriminating.» When we all stared at him, he added, «It was a make-up gift to me. For… you know. All the Yeerk stuff.»

I had noticed that Loren, Ax, and Tobias were getting along as a family again. Now I knew why. “Uh… do you know what they’ve been doing on the internet?”

Loren shrugged. Marco smirked. “Posting on gardening forums about how they should give slugs a chance. Reading the Anarchist’s Cookbook. Oh! Ordering those motorized aquatic dæmon tanks on eBay so they can get in and go on joyrides.”

We all laughed, even though it wasn’t all that funny. It broke the tension, like it was supposed to. Tobias said, «I’ll go find a Chee so we can get started.»

“I will spread the word among my people,” Toby said.

“I’ll go find Mertil,” Loren said.

“Do our families get to vote?” Rachel said.

My head started to pound. I didn’t want to think about how my parents would react to all of this. “Yeah. They do. They’re a part of this. Whether we like it or not.”

Rachel nodded. “I’ll go tell Mom and Dad.”

That left me, Marco, and Cassie. They both looked at me. I could tell they wanted to talk to me alone. I even understood why. But I wasn’t ready.

_Coward,_ Merlyse said.

_I know._ I got up from the camp chair, folded it up, and tucked it under my arm. “Guess we better round up the humans for the meeting circle.”

Cassie nodded, but Quincy hid his face behind a wing. Marco raised an eyebrow at me. I immediately felt like an asshole.

“Later,” I told them. “After the vote. I promise.”

  


**#Governance**

This is the official message well for governance of the Aftran Plisam Pool. In addition to in-person discussions, we will conduct official governance business in this message well as a record for posterity of how we reached communal decisions. Please read the Rules before joining the discussion. This is an adult message well.

  


**[Admin] Illim**

[ _Alert emoji_ ] All right, everyone. The Guardians of the Galaxy have called us in for a vote.

  


**Janath**

We get a vote in what they do? Since when?

  


**Eslin 825**

Since now, apparently.

  


**[Admin] Illim**

This is how the vote is going to work. There are five factions that each get a vote: us, the Animorphs, the Chee, the free Hork-Bajir, and the refugees they’re sheltering. Each faction decides on its own how to decide their vote internally. Each comes up with a Yea or Nay on the issue at hand, and whichever gets more of the five carries.

  


**Grr’rnr Herder**

Wait a second. There are free Hork-Bajir?!

  


**Eslin 825**

@Illim, I hope there is time before this vote to get the newcomers up to speed.

  


**[Admin] Illim**

Yes, there’s time. I have to travel to deliver the Aftran Plisam Pool’s final vote in person, and the Chee need time to set up the secure remote connection.

  


**Janath**

And what is the issue we have this big official vote on?

  


**[Admin] Illim**

I assume everyone here knows Aftran’s story about Garzh and the Iskoort.

  


[ _A flood of agreement emojis._ ]

  


**[Admin] Illim**

I thought so. Remember the story about the Circle of Friends and the treatments they gave the Yoort to make them unable to enslave other species?

  


**[Admin] Illim**

It seems like there is a way to produce that treatment here on Earth.

  


**Jake**

I never realized just how many people were living in Kref Magh until the vote at the meeting rock. It would have felt like a party if everyone hadn’t been so hushed.

Absolutely everyone was there. All the Hork-Bajir, even the children, clinging to their parents’ backs and asking questions in high rough voices, even the sick, like poor Inti Bejoo. Through the crowd of blades and scales I caught a flash of blue: Mertil was with them, close to Elgat Kar’s side with his stalk eyes scanning nervously around. Mr. King and Bachu were there representing the Chee, sitting on the meeting rock with Mr. Tidwell to set up a jury-rigged screen and satellite internet connection. Robin and Julie and all the other former Peace Movement hosts were on picnic blankets and camp chairs, passing around water bottles and playing with the human kids, who shouted and threw balls back and forth, their shouts breaking through the murmurs. And the Animorphs were here, of course, with our families.

With. Sort of. All of us stood a little apart from ours, a little closer to each other, except Tobias, Ax, and Loren, who never really had a divide between family and the war. I used to be sorry for them because of that. Now I was weirdly jealous. At least they could understand each other.

Merlyse cawed down at me from her perch on Tom’s forehead blade. Well, she was right about that. There were people in my family who understood me.

Toby went over to talk to the Chee. They started broadcasting a drumming noise, and all the Hork-Bajir instantly started drumming along, even the little kids. Marco and some of the other humans clapped along to the beat. Quincy turned around on Cassie’s shoulder and whispered, “What are you doing?”

“This is how the Hork-Bajir do it,” Dia said. “And it’s fun. We’re allowed to have fun for like thirty seconds. Who knows when the next time’ll be?”

I started clapping too, then Rachel and Loren. The other humans seemed to take their cue from us, and most of them joined in.

Toby and Bek stood up on the meeting rock and called everyone to attention, Toby in English and Bek translating to Hork-Bajir. They explained how the vote was going to work, with the five factions. I wished Eva and Aftran could have weighed in too, but contacting them was always difficult and dangerous – Bachu had told us before the meeting that she might be able to open up a short window later today or tomorrow, but not now.

Then, Toby went back over the details about the virus, even though we’d all been briefed in advance so we could all think about it before the vote. The kids playing and asking if there would be cake stood out even more during that part, each outburst soon quieted. Toby finished, “Does anyone have questions about the plan or about the _Ralek River_ before we start deliberation?”

Peter raised his hand. Toby called on him, then she and Bek repeated his question louder in both languages so everyone could hear. “Who is this scientist? Can she be trusted?”

All eyes turned to Cassie. I noticed Quincy landing on Diamanta’s head, just for a moment, before flying ahead of Cassie to the meeting rock. She stood up on it and said, “Her name is Estrid-Corrill-Darrath. She’s a prodigy – a scientific genius, only a little older than Ax. And no, she can’t be trusted, not after she engineered a killer virus – and it wasn’t because she was forced to, either. Chee-pulim has already agreed to help keep an eye on her in the lab, to make sure she doesn’t try to develop something really nasty. She may have agreed to cooperate, but she definitely needs a constant armed guard to hold her to her promise.”

Walter, Cassie’s dad, asked a question next. “Toby said the virus is unstable and could make the jump to other species. How do we know this new virus won’t be unstable and have unpredictable effects?”

Cassie took a breath and kept her voice from shaking, but I saw how she held Quincy just a little too tightly in her hand, and knew she was only just holding it together. “We don’t. We can try to buy Estrid enough time to work out the kinks, but she’s just one scientist in an old lab, not a whole team with state-of-the-art technology. The virus could mutate. It’s a real risk.”

A Hork-Bajir asked a question, which Toby translated. “Kam Jedet used to serve aboard the Pool ship. He wants to know how we could send the virus to the ships in orbit.”

Cassie stepped down from the rock and looked at me. I held out my arm for Merlyse, who flew down from Tom’s blade and joined me in Cassie’s place. I looked down from the rock at the Hork-Bajir gouging up the grass with restless tails, and my mom and dad looking up at me like they’d finally decided I was supposed to be the general after all, and all I wanted to do was tell them the truth, that I had no fucking clue and I needed a nap. Instead, I said, “We have contacts in orbit who we can work with closely on this. And we do have an Andalite spaceship now.”

Mr. Tidwell’s head snapped up from his screen. “Contacts in orbit? _Who_?” Then he seemed to suddenly take notice of me and the other Animorphs, and his eyes widened. I realized he’d never actually seen us in our own forms before.

I thought about it from Illim’s perspective: our contacts in orbit had to be Peace Movement, and he didn’t know about them. It had to sound weird. But Aftran was way too important a secret. “Sorry, I can’t say,” I said, searching my brain for a word from a military history book I read. There it was. “Operational security.”

Tidwell looked down at his screen, then back up, and said in his firmest teacher’s voice, “Hrerr, from the Aftran Plisam Pool, wants to know how you can justify using a biological weapon against the Yeerks after what the Andalites did to the Hork-Bajir.”

I looked down at Cassie from the meeting rock, who pressed her lips together and looked away. Quincy sent up a pleading look.

“Tell her to get up here,” Merlyse hissed in my ear. “If she can come up with this plan, she can damn well defend it herself.”

But I looked down at Cassie, so overwhelmed and sad, and couldn’t bring myself to drag her up on the rock to answer for herself. So I said what I thought she might have said, if she’d had the courage. “Here’s what I want to tell you. I want to tell you that when we met the Iskoort, they were all glad they’d been genetically modified to not be able to enslave people anymore. They were ashamed of all the bloodshed and war they had to go through to spread the gene mods through the species, but they thought it was worth it. None of that is a lie. But I can’t really tell you that that’s my justification, because I know there isn’t really any. Mostly, I just think it’s our best chance to win this war.”

Tidwell nodded, and made some weird noises into a headset he had on. I had no idea what he was doing, but the Chee must have set up some way for him to communicate with the Aftran Plisam Pool.

“With that,” Toby said, “I think it’s time for deliberation. Everyone, do whatever you see fit to decide your vote. Talk within your faction or to other factions. Bek will come around to check on whether you’ve made your decision. When everyone is ready, we’ll all come together to announce our votes.”

I stepped down from the meeting rock and joined the little circle of Animorphs sitting cross-legged in the grass. Tom was with them. “I’m voting with the Hork-Bajir,” he said, “but I want to hear what you guys have to say.”

«Ax isn’t here,» Tobias said. He was perched in Loren’s lap, taking up Jaxom’s usual spot. Jaxom paced back and forth, pawing at the ground with his hooves. «But he wanted to pass on his vote. He says Cassie’s plan is our best shot.»

“I’m with Cassie,” Marco said, though I’d known that already. “I was with Cassie before she was even done saying out loud what the plan was. This is going to sound insane. But I think the Ellimist was playing a super long game when he sent us on that mission. He didn’t just do it because he wanted to save the Iskoort. He did it because he needed us to hang out with them and find out what their deal was.”

“So you’re saying we should do this because the _Ellimist_ wants us to?” Loren demanded.

Diamanta hissed. “No!” Marco said. “Because he showed us how this _goes_. Because we saw the Iskoort go through all this bullshit already.”

«You’re going to have to explain a little more,» Tobias said. «Loren wasn’t there, remember?»

Diamanta slid off Marco’s shoulders and slithered around in the grass. Marco sighed. “Fine. I’ll spell it out for you. The Iskoort didn’t become the way they were because all the Yoort suddenly decided to play nice. Some Iskoort forced that gene treatment on Yoort who didn’t want it. The road to that big old mind-meld crazy-town wasn’t easy. This? What Cassie is saying? This is how they gave up being slavers. When the Yoort said no, the Iskamel took their slaves away and fucking _made_ them.”

“Like the Civil War,” I said. “The South was never going to give up slavery without a fight. With the virus, we can force the Yeerks to do it.”

Cassie covered her face with her hands. “Guys. This is a biological weapon we’re talking about. Don’t make it into the Emancipation Proclamation.”

“All right, fine,” Rachel said. “Let’s forget all the big ideals right now. What helps us win?” She stood up and slung an arm over Abi’s neck. “Estrid’s killer virus could wipe out the Yeerk Pool on Earth, but it would probably make the Yeerks up in space freak the fuck out and start open war on Earth. So even if we didn’t care about what was right or wrong at all, Arbat and Estrid’s plan is obviously stupid.”

«And if we use Cassie’s virus on the Yeerk Pool, they’ll still probably freak out and start open war,» Tobias said.

“Don’t call it my virus!” Cassie yelled. Everyone went quiet. Cassie doesn’t yell. She gets angry, but she doesn’t yell. Nobody knew what to do, not even me – especially not me.

Except Marco did. Dia slithered a wide circle around her in the grass, and he smiled crookedly and said, “Yeerk Kryptonite.” And that was what made Quincy put his fangs away.

Rachel looked relieved. “But there’s a difference,” she told Tobias. “With the Kryptonite, the Yeerks who don’t like the Empire are still alive and can take the wheel. Actually, the Peace Movement Yeerks are in a better position than anyone to take the wheel, because they already _don’t_ enslave their hosts.”

«What about voluntary Controllers who do like the Empire? The Taylors of the world. There’s plenty of those,» Tobias said.

That was when Tidwell joined our group, carrying his dæmon’s tank as a backpack. He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “Um. Hi.” He looked around the group. “You all go to my school. Except…” He looked at Loren, then back around at the rest of us. “I’m really sorry the Andalites got you mixed up in all of this.”

“Believe me,” Marco said, “we’re even sorrier. Did you have something for us besides a pity party?”

“Sorry,” he said. “I couldn’t help but overhear you talking, and I just wanted to say – there probably aren’t as many voluntary Controllers as you think, when it comes right down to it.”

I raised my eyebrows. “We’ve been to the Yeerk Pool. We’ve seen the voluntary lounge.”

Tidwell coughed. “I might know a little more about that than you. I was a full member of the Sharing. Voluntary. Before I ever knew about the Peace Movement.”

“ _Excuse_ me?” Tom said.

Merlyse flew to his forehead blade and talked quietly in his ear. He went quiet but glared at Tidwell.

“The Sharing didn’t give me the whole story when they offered me membership,” Tidwell said. “I just thought I was signing up for an alien to take over my life for me. My life was going pretty badly at that point, so it sounded like an improvement. And then Illim told me that one of my friends was infested with a Yeerk against his will, and I… stopped volunteering. Fought back every second I could.” He shrugged. “But a lot of voluntaries fall somewhere in between, I think. They sign up thinking they know what they’re in for, they find out the Yeerk Empire isn’t what they thought it was, it scares the hell out of them, but they don’t want to get put in a cage so they just… keep on cooperating. Even though they know it’s wrong. But if their Yeerks couldn’t control them anymore, they’d flip sides.”

“Let’s ask Mr. Tidwell,” I said. “What do you think would happen in the Pool complex if the Yeerks got infected with the Kryptonite?”

Tidwell laughed at Marco’s name for the virus like it was the funniest joke he’d ever heard. Maybe it was. God knows I’ve laughed at Marco’s jokes way more than they deserved when I was neck-deep in shit. But then his face evened out, and I wondered if it was Illim behind the wheel now. “I don’t know. It’s hard to imagine. But I have to think that the Peace Movement would be the only ones to be truly prepared for it. If anyone in that chaos would know what to do, it’d be us.”

“That’s the difference, Tobias,” I said. “The Kryptonite gives power to the Peace Movement.”

That made everyone stop and think for a minute. Tidwell nodded and went to talk to the former Peace Movement hosts. Tom said, “I’m gonna go talk to the Hork-Bajir.” Merlyse flew down to my shoulder. It was just the Animorphs left, except for Ax, who was keeping watch over three other Andalites who were trapped on Earth and would have to learn to accept it, the way he had.

“Well,” Merlyse murmured. “Not exactly the way he did, I think.”

“So,” I said. “Are we ready to vote?” Everyone nodded. “Okay. We know Ax and Marco say yea.”

Cassie looked down at Quincy in her hands. “This is all my idea. So.” She couldn’t say the word _yes_ , but we all heard it.

Rachel leaned back against Abineng. “Let’s do it.”

Loren and Tobias were the ones I wasn’t sure about. I watched them. Jaxom stopped pacing and butted his head against Loren’s shoulder. “It’s four out of seven already, so we’re doing this no matter what I say,” she said, quietly angry, her fist clenched in the fur along Jaxom’s neck. “But just so you know what I think – nay. Using biological weapons is wrong. There has to be another way.”

«I’m with her,» Tobias said. He gave Rachel an almost guilty look. She was going red in the face, and I could guess why. Rachel hates when any of us act like we have some kind of high ground she doesn’t, and coming from Tobias, it had to be worse. «If we use this, we’re no better than the Andalites. Not to mention, what if they get a hold of this virus from Estrid? What will they do with it next? No. I’ll follow your play, Jake, but I don’t think this is a good idea.»

Rachel stood up and faced away from him, her hand on Abi’s back. Tobias looked ready to bolt. I didn’t want him to, not now, even though I was halfway along to Rachel’s anger that Tobias and Loren could take the noble stand we couldn’t. “Thank you for telling me,” I said, choking back my bitterness. “I vote yes. But I do think you have a point, and I won’t forget what you said.”

The other groups around us were taking longer to vote, since they had more people. Except the Chee, probably, who operated way faster than our brains ever could. Merlyse said in my ear, “Speaking of the Chee…”

I looked up. Bachu had come over. She didn’t have her hologram up. “There will be a window of time to call Eva and Aftran tomorrow afternoon. We won’t have long.”

Cassie hugged Quincy to her chest. “Lourdes said the Chee would leave the Guardians of the Galaxy if we went with my plan.”

“We will,” Bachu said. “Except for her. You’d have to find your own way to contact Eva and Aftran. But either way, I’ll arrange this call for you.”

Marco’s mouth moved like he might say something, then closed. This was the first time Bachu had been able to arrange a live call to Eva since she’d left Earth with Aftran. I knew how much this had to mean to him. But he never knew how to talk about stuff like that. So I said, “Thank you.”

“What about the Aftran Plisam Pool?” Cassie said.

“I didn’t say we would abandon them,” Bachu said. “They would die without us to maintain the Pool. You are welcome to visit them, if they allow it. But don’t come knocking at my door otherwise.” With that, she moved on, leaving Cassie blinking back tears.

Rachel held up her index fingers. “One yes, one no.”

“We’ll find out which way it goes soon enough,” Loren said.

The next fifteen minutes expanded through the distorting lens of my own brain. I know Merlyse didn’t spend an hour fluttering around the human refugees, trying to catch what my parents were saying in the debate, but it sure felt that way. She came back and said, “I didn’t hear anything, but Tz’irah stamped her foot a lot and Mom gave you this look like…” She fell quiet. I didn’t ask her to explain any more.

I must have spent another hour watching Jara Hamee act out what I guessed was the scene from the story of his grandfather where the quantum virus hit the Hork-Bajir. He cut shallow gouges under his own eyes to make it look like he was crying blood, and he moaned and fell slowly to the ground while reciting something rhythmically in Hork-Bajir. He had a rapt audience around him. One of the audience got on all fours and raised her tail high, and I realized she was pretending to be Aldrea, reacting in horror to what her people had done.

The not-hour ended with a warm weight on the shoulder where Merlyse wasn’t perched. “You don’t have to watch that,” Cassie said from behind me.

“What else am I supposed to do?” I said. I didn’t turn around, but Merl did.

“Marjorie the lunch lady brought snacks from the kitchen,” Marco said, and that did make me turn around. He held up a platter of ants on a log like a waiter at a fancy restaurant. “Can’t make world-changing life-or-death decisions without snacks!”

Rachel swiped two and crunched into them harder than she strictly needed to. I noticed that Loren and Tobias had gone to talk to the Peace Movement refugees, leaving Rachel behind. I hate celery, but I decided that if Marco went to the effort of bringing the snacks over, I should just take one, and I let the stupid green strings catch between my teeth. My reward was the subtle relief on Cassie’s face as she watched me eat.

After a lot of tail-thumping from the Hork-Bajir, Toby called for silence. Loren and Tobias came back to our group. It was time for the vote to begin.

“The Hork-Bajir of Kref Magh say yea,” Toby said. “We don’t want a single Hork-Bajir more to be a slave to the Yeerks, and Cassie’s plan would make sure the Yeerks cannot. What do the Animorphs say?”

I stood up and did my best to project my voice. “The Animorphs say yea. We think it’s the best chance we’ve got to win the war.”

Toby turned toward Luis, who was helping Tidwell with the connection to the Aftran Plisam Pool. “What do the Chee say?”

He straightened up. He still had his hologram on. “The Chee say nay. And if the yeas have it, we will leave Kref Magh and the Guardians of the Galaxy, permanently. Our creators were exterminated by biological weapons. We want nothing to do with this.”

Toby turned to Tidwell next. “What does the Aftran Plisam Pool say?”

Tidwell looked up from the screen, blinking. I was sure it was Illim who said, “Nay. My people can’t accept the risk that the Andalite scientist will sabotage the virus in some way.”

It came down to the refugees of Kref Magh. The former Peace Movement hosts. The Animorphs’ families. The odd ones out, Ruby and Mertil. The whole valley seemed to hold its breath. Sara had her face hidden in Naomi’s skirt. Takuya knelt on the ground to be on a level with his granddaughters; he held the protective capsule for his dæmon up to his lips, leaned his head against his older granddaughter’s, and blinked back tears. My parents looked at me, grim and determined, like they were about to prove something to me. I studied them all, acid curdling in my stomach, trying to guess what they would say. _Do you want them to say yes or no?_ Merlyse asked.

_If they say yes, they’re fucked in the head,_ I thought. _If they say yes, they don’t even understand what yes means. If they say no – that means they can see –_

_If they say no,_ Merlyse said, _how do the two hundred people in this valley win against an empire?_

Julie stepped forward from the group of refugees, holding her colorful snake dæmon to her chest. She tried to speak, and it came out a rasp. She coughed, swallowed hard, then said, “The refugees of Kref Magh say yea. We’re tired. And we want to give the Peace Movement a fighting chance.”

Toby looked down from the meeting rock at me and nodded. When she spoke, it sounded so calm. I hoped she was faking it, that she didn’t actually feel at peace in the face of this. “Okay, Jake. It looks like we’re doing this.”

The meeting was officially over, but the meeting circle stayed eerily quiet. The Hork-Bajir started rounding up their children, drumming their tails softly against the trees to call them. The sick were led to the creek to drink and recover themselves. Some Hork-Bajir stayed, gathering around Jara Hamee, touching their forehead blades together. Next to me, Loren stormed off, red-faced and crying, and Tobias flew after her.

Luis turned and said something I couldn’t hear to Tidwell, who looked grim and said something into his speaker set-up. Then he powered it down, and he and the Chee started packing up the equipment they’d used to communicate with the Pool. There were people coming toward me. My parents, Tom. I walked past them to Tidwell. “Wait.”

He looked over his shoulder at me. “The Chee are leaving. They’re offering to carry me and Kaly out of the valley as they go.”

“Illim. Mr. Tidwell. I know your people voted against this. I know the Chee are leaving. But are you still with us?”

Tidwell turned and blinked. “You… don’t want me to leave the Guardians.”

“No,” I said. “I mean, I understand if you want to. But you’ve been a good ally to us.”

“Good,” Tidwell said – or maybe it was Illim. “I want to stay. The majority of the Aftran Plisam Pool voted against, but it was something like sixty-forty. Lots of us were in favor. And I – both of us,” Illim said, gesturing vaguely at his head, “were among them. We want to help you do this.”

“Okay,” I said. “Good. We’ll stay in touch.”

Tidwell shook my hand goodbye. “Got to go. Don’t want to miss my ride.” Mr. King and Luis were leaving. Of the Chee, only Bachu stayed behind, for our phone call tomorrow. As they walked south toward the easiest approach in and out of the valley, Marjorie’s older son Nicky ran after them, his dæmon buzzing all around him as a dragonfly. “Mr. Turner! Mr. King! Are you going to get more food? Can you bring Fruit Loops next time? All we ever get for breakfast is stupid oatmeal!”

Mr. King knelt down to Nicky’s level. “Sorry, Nicky. We’re not coming back this time. Mr. Turner and I are going home.”

Nicky’s dæmon turned into a puppy and whimpered. “But _why_!”

Mr. King just shook his head. “We have to go.”

Nicky hugged his dæmon to his chest and sniffled. The Chee turned away. Tidwell looked like he wanted to stop and explain, but Marjorie came over to talk to him quietly, and with one last pained look, he left with the Chee.

“He’s here,” Tom said, and I turned around and saw him with Mom and Dad.

Dad rested his hand on Tz’irah’s back. He took a deep breath. “Jake. We just wanted to say – we get it now. When we heard that you called this vote, that you finally had a plan to stop the Yeerks and end this, we saw why you’re the leader around here. We just want you to know that we voted yes, and we’re behind your plan one hundred percent.”

“The Yeerks won’t be able to do what they did to Tom ever again,” Mom said, her eyes bright. “We’re so proud of you, Jake.”

I stood frozen, staring at them, my throat and eyes burning. Merlyse dug her claws into my shoulder through the fabric of my shirt. I couldn’t believe what my dad was saying. My dad, the doctor, who talked softly to children in the waiting room of his office, who I once saw do CPR on a woman who had a seizure at the local pool. He was saying this plan, which would rip the Yeerks’ control of their own bodies away from them at best and kill thousands of people at worst, was a good one. That he supported me. I wanted to make him take it back. I wanted to press rewind so I could run away from them before they could say these things to me. But I couldn’t, so I just stood there, staring, totally unable to act like a son or a general or anything at all.

Over Mom’s shoulder, I watched Cassie find her dad, hug him sideways, rest her head against his arm. Quincy clung to Emeraude’s neck with his feet and wing-fingers. Marco found his dad too, picked up Mirazai’s tank for him and led him back toward the human camp. I wanted to tell Cassie that none of this changed how I felt about her. I wanted to tell Marco I’d feel more at home with him and Peter right now than with my own family. Except Cassie didn’t know how I felt about her, and Marco didn’t know that his family had always been home to me. Even I hadn’t known how much I felt all of that, until I saw them both have to carry the weight of this awful day without me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For non-Americans, [ants on a log](https://www.makeandtakes.com/wp-content/uploads/front-ants-log-275.jpg) is a snack made of celery, peanut butter, and raisins. It is often given to kids as a healthy food, but I've never met anyone who actually liked it.


	7. <Love joins minds over distance>

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Encyclopedia of Concepts and Imagery in Andalite Thought-Speech  
> Entry: Communication  
> «Fingers dance meaning»  
> «Love joins minds over distance»

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My recommended background music for reading the chapter's final scene, the one by the lake, is [Falling Asleep / Waking Up](https://notquitereal.bandcamp.com/track/falling-asleep-waking-up) from the Friends at the Table soundtrack by Jack de Quidt.

**#Governance**

This is the official message well for governance of the Aftran Plisam Pool. In addition to in-person discussions, we will conduct official governance business in this message well as a record for posterity of how we reached communal decisions. Please read the Rules before joining the discussion. This is an adult message well.

  


**The Sage in the Weeds**

Pool, we need to talk about Essa. I just got off a shift of guard duty with them, and they tried to talk to the newcomers. I wasn’t sure if they were allowed so I stopped them. Did I do the right thing?

  


**Fighting Every Rane**

Can we focus on the topic at hand first? We need to talk about the outcome of this vote.

  


**Generation Freedom**

What is there to talk about? They voted to let an Andalite engineer a biological weapon against us and we’re all totally shriveled.

  


**Filshig Traitor**

Aftran is still out there working for the Guardians of the Galaxy. She won’t let them use a weapon that will kill us all. I want that virus. I don’t want to enslave anyone and I don’t want our children to enslave anyone. I want to help.

  


**Generation Freedom**

Ha! As if they want your help! They don’t care about us.

  


**Eslin 825**

I am inclined to think they mean well, but it’s also true that this virus could go desperately wrong. We need plans for if, or when, that happens.

  


**Green Sky**

We’ve been working on writing the law. I’d like to propose a new one: no virus in this pool. We have to be a safe zone.

  


**Filshig Traitor**

And what if we want the virus? There’s nowhere else for us to go.

  


**Deinfestation**

Take it up with your genocidal friends.

  


**Fighting Every Rane**

Can we at least be allowed to leave the Pool and help if we don’t expose ourselves to the virus?

  


**Green Sky**

Maybe. If we can find a way to test for it.

  


**Eslin 825**

All right. Who wants to join me in drafting the new policies?

  


**The Sage in the Weeds**

Seriously though, what is the deal with Essa and the newcomers? Are they a bad influence on these people who just came from Grash Akdap?

  


**Green Sky**

It’s not against our current policies. Let Essa talk to them, listen, and we’ll learn.

  


**Eslin 825**

I think it could be good for Essa. Let them learn why they were so desperate to leave.

  


  


**The Mokad Plisam Pool**

****  


**Direct Message - Derane1**

****  


**Illim**

Hello, Derane1. GreenSky sends hir regards.

  


**Derane1**

Tell hir that Sssrisssya misses hir. Hir new Yeerk is fine but it’s not the same.

  


**Illim**

I will.

  


**Illim**

I have a more official message I’ve been asked to pass on from the Aftran Plisam Pool.

  


**Illim**

They’re not directly aware of what your cell of the YPM is doing. Information security and all. But they know the Taxxon resistance has its ways – you were highly successful with the escape of the human hosts. They wanted to know if you would help evacuate more Yeerks to the Pool, through your own means.

  


**Derane1**

How are we supposed to bring Yeerks to the surface? We can’t be seen up there.

  


**Illim**

You have your own spaces you’ve tunneled out. We don’t know where they are, nor should we, but everyone’s guessed. Could you arrange a drop at one of those places?

  


**Derane1**

I’m sorry. We can’t compromise our security that way. Our mission is too vital.

  


**Derane1**

We Taxxons – we Yeerks who are partners to Taxxons – we are part of the Peace Movement in name and deed, but we have our own priorities. We’re tired of the Movement’s pacifism. We want to take action. To do that, we need secure places to gather.

  


**Derane1**

I know the sort of Yeerk who went to the Aftran Plisam Pool wouldn’t approve.

  


**Illim**

They wouldn’t. They’re an idealistic bunch. I admire them for it. But they’re mostly poolies who don’t know how it is on the ground.

  


**Derane1**

They’re foolish dreamers who think we can change the hearts and minds of the cruelest Vissers with the right pamphlets. But you, Illim. You’ve worked with the Animorphs. You’ve taken action. I think you understand.

  


**Illim**

I do. And I support you. If you need anything of me, ask.

  


**Derane1**

We will want to communicate with the Animorphs. Not yet, but soon. Can you arrange it?

  


**Illim**

They will find the existence of rebel Taxxons hard to believe, I think. They see ravening monsters and not much else. But I’ll try.

  


**Derane1**

We will pass you a message that will catch their attention. Our leader is very convincing.

  


**Cassie**

Jake and Marco came with me for the call to Eva and Aftran, even though they’d just come back from a patrol around the forest watching out for Gold Bands. Marco came because he wanted to hear his mom’s voice, Jake because… well, he’s Jake. There was no way he would leave the two of us to make this call without him.

I was really grateful to have them there, because Bachu might be a millennia-old android made by aliens, but I could tell that she was giving me the mother of all betrayed looks, the kind your parents give you when you’ve shattered their fondest dreams about you. Believe me, I know what those look like.

The four of us were in a natural cave in the rocky wall of the valley, close enough to the waterfall at the northern end that we could hear the roaring crash. I huddled in my sweater among the cold, damp rocks and felt the body heat from Jake standing behind me and Marco at my side. Bachu gave off heat too, like a computer working overtime.

“I’m sorry,” I told her.

She didn’t respond. I couldn’t blame her. In a way, she reminded me of myself, before this war started. That Cassie would have said she was a pacifist and that biological weapons were never justified. Except that I’d rewritten my own programming over time, and Bachu could only push hers so far.

“Patching you through,” Bachu said.

I held Quincy to my throat, where he could press his squashed little face against the delicate skin. I felt his wrinkled nose, the hollows of his ears.

“This is a live call,” Bachu said. “Marco, Jake, and Cassie can hear you now.”

Eva’s voice came out of Bachu’s speakers, a little tinny, with bursts of static, not so bad that we couldn’t hear. Even knowing it was her son on the other end of the call, she was sharp and alert, all business. “What’s going on?”

“We’ve got big news,” Marco said, just as cool and professional as his mom. How were they both like this? I could never do it. “We caught an Andalite ship. They were on a suicide mission to drop a quantum virus into the Yeerk Pool. Like they did to the Hork-Bajir.”

“You stopped them?”

“Yes, Miss Eva,” Jake said, like he was nine again and telling her he and Marco had done their homework. “I’ll let Cassie tell the rest.”

“Aftran?” I said. My voice felt tinny coming out of my own mouth, never mind how it would sound after being broadcast thousands of miles into space. “You remember the treatment the Circle of Friends made for the Yoort?”

Eva’s voice came out softer. I’d never thought of Aftran as a soft person, but compared to Eva, she was. “How could I forget?” I waited a moment. “Oh. Kandrona shine and strengthen me. It was a quantum virus, wasn’t it?”

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Marco flinch at the sound of his mother saying the traditional Yeerk phrase. I wanted to hold his hand, but I knew he wouldn't thank me for doing something like that in front of Bachu. I said, “We have the Andalite scientist who engineered the virus. She says she can recreate the one the Iskoort made. So we can weaponize it.” I swallowed. “I’m sorry, Aftran. I’m so sorry.”

A staticky silence fell. Then Aftran said, “Bachu?”

“Are you going to help them do this?” Bachu said.

Aftran's voice went flat and angry, which was terrifying coming from Eva. “Who are you to judge us for this, Bachu? I’m in Eva’s head. I see a hundred scenarios for this war in her brain every _week_.” She seemed to lean closer to the microphone. “This is the least violent solution I’ve seen yet, and you’re going to walk away because – what? It vaguely resembles how the Howlers killed your creators? What do you think we would do to win instead of this, huh? Send nicely-worded postcards to the Council of Thirteen?”

“We are creating alternatives,” Bachu said, almost desperately. “Robot bodies for Yeerks.”

“Great! Glad to hear it! We’ll give them to Yeerks who’ve been hit with the virus who play nice and cooperate. Nice robot bodies they don’t have to enslave. Or were you thinking you’d just send them to Visser Five as presents?”

“I thought I’d send them to _you_ ,” Bachu said, quiet and defeated.

“And what? I’d give them to the Yeerks on the Pool Ship and tell them they don’t have to be mean to lesser species anymore? And they’d listen to me, just like that? You’ve lived on Earth for thousands of years, Bachu! You know that’s not how you get conquerors to stop enslaving people!”

“Not this, Aftran,” Bachu begged. “Not a virus turning people’s bodies against them. Please. Not this.”

Aftran thumped Eva’s hand against something hard. “Fuck you, Bachu. You were my partner – I thought I could – no. Not anymore. Never again. I’m glad this is your last call. Fuck you. Cassie? Write this down. These are the specs for our communication relay on board the Pool Ship. Get Ax or somebody to figure it out.”

I looked at Bachu, waiting to see if she would cut off the call. She didn’t. “I don’t have anything to write with,” I said. “Will you do it after the call, Bachu?”

“Fine,” she said. “But then I’m walking away. You won’t see me again. If you come to visit the Aftran Plisam Pool, someone else will answer the door.”

“Okay,” Aftran said. “I don’t have to rattle off a bunch of numbers, then. We only have a few more minutes. Cassie, you have nothing to apologize for, and Eva and I are going to everything we can to help. I can’t wait to sic that virus on these pompous slaver assholes on the Pool Ship. Now Eva has a message for you.”

Her voice changed, less flashy anger, more grim sobriety. “Some of my Sharing initiatives have gotten out of hand. Too successful. It’s expanding throughout California. They’re building a new Pool in NoCal. You need to develop that virus soon, because open war or no, this is escalating. Big time. The news about what Hork-Bajir-Controllers can do is spreading to other parts of the Yeerk fleet. If the Andalites haven’t noticed, they will soon. And they might decide that maybe they need to finish the job on the Hork-Bajir they already – shit. I need to wrap this up. I love you, Marco.” Marco blinked furiously, his face turning red, like his mom’s slip of the mask had broken his, and he was trying to keep it in place by force of will. “Find a way of getting back in touch. Quick. Goodbye.”

The cave went quiet except for the white noise of the waterfall. Bachu said, “I’m going to find Ax and tell him everything I know about the communications relay. He’ll have to encrypt the connection himself, though.” She tilted forward in a little bow. “Goodbye, Cassie.”

“Thank you for everything,” I began.

 _Tell her something,_ Quincy said. _Find the words that will make her stay. We did it with Estrid, we can do it with her._

 _No,_ I thought. _For once, I’m going to be kind._

“Most of all,” I went on, “thank you for Aftran’s life.”

“I wish I could say the same,” Bachu said coldly. “Aftran’s life won’t count for much when you release that virus onboard the Pool ship and the free hosts go hunting for Visser One’s blood.”

Dia hissed and bared her fangs. Marco said, “If you care so much about your precious Yeerk buddy, then why don’t you do something useful like go up to the Pool ship and offer her your holograms instead of sitting down here with your metal thumb up your robot ass?”

“If you care so much about your mother, why are you asking her to release a biological weapon on board a spaceship she and Aftran have no escape route from?”

Marco looked ready to take Bachu apart with his bare hands, Dia rising up from her coils around his shoulder like an Andalite tail blade ready to strike. Quincy’s fangs were out, too. “She and Aftran made their choice,” I said, before Marco could do anything hasty. “I thought you agreed to be Aftran’s Isk because you respected her choices.”

“No, that wasn’t it,” Quincy said. “Don’t you remember? The day she put Aftran in her head, she said she did it because she’d already seen everything on Earth and she wanted something new.”

“I did see something new,” Bachu said. “And now you’re going to extinguish it.”

“ _Thank you_ , Bachu,” Jake said, in the tone of an officer saying, _You are dismissed, soldier._

Dia rattled her tail. “Yeah, fuck off, Bachu.”

Bachu left the cave. Dia slowly folded back her fangs and lowered her head to the crook of Marco’s arm. I wrapped my sweater tighter around myself and shivered and tried not to cry.

“So,” Marco said. “I still have some limoncello left. Who wants to get drunk?”

  


Marco, Jake, and I found a spot by the lake in the southern half of the valley, where only Hork-Bajir and Animorphs were allowed to go. Jake spread out a blanket on the grass. We all sat facing the lake, with me in the middle by some unspoken agreement. Diamanta lay in front of us, one coil around Merlyse, one around Quincy (“You’re so _small_ ,” she told them smugly, which made Jake growl at Marco, “I’ll show you small,” and play keep-away with the limoncello bottle.) We watched the sun set over the water and passed the liquor around.

This time, when he gave me the bottle, Marco didn’t make any comments about me being too good for underage drinking. I was glad. _We all believed at some point that we’re better than them somehow,_ Quincy thought, _but I think – finally – none of us believe that anymore._ I took a long swig and watched the way the fading golden light changed them. Merlyse and Diamanta looked too tough and gray for the lush green landscape of southern California, dotted with wildflowers. Quincy looked like he was coming into his element as the sky got darker. Marco looked kind of glamorous in the sunset, his long eyelashes casting shadows on his cheeks. Jake was beautiful, his jawbone sharp and golden, his eyes deep and warm.

I passed him the bottle. Our fingers brushed. Jake looked over my head at Marco, raised the bottle in a salute, and said, “Thanks, man. For backing up Cassie’s play on the _Ralek River_ yesterday. It must have been…” He took a drink instead of finding a way to finish the sentence.

“Dude,” Marco said. “There was never any question. Cassie and I have argued with each other, like, half a million times, but on this thing? We were finally on the same wavelength.” He accepted the bottle from Jake and saluted me with it before drinking.

I smiled at him and took the bottle. “Oh, come on. That’s not the first time we’ve been on the same wavelength.”

Marco raised his eyebrows. I looked at Jake, then back at him, and took a long draft, filling my mouth with sour-sweet burn. Marco blushed. Then he said in a rush, “Do you ever think about the history books they’ll write? If there’s anyone around to write history books after all this?”

I passed Jake the bottle. He said, “Who’s writing them?” and drank.

Marco snatched the limoncello. “ _Humans_. God knows what Andalite history books are like.” He sipped and rolled the limoncello around his mouth before swallowing. “They won’t have all these big debates we’re having about what’s right or wrong. They’ll just say, ‘These teenage heroes figured out how to outsmart an alien empire…’”

I grabbed the bottle and drank fast enough to scald my eyes and throat. “They’ll say a girl stole a deadly biological weapon from the Andalites and figured out how to use it for her own ends. They’ll say she loved the enemy so much she couldn’t bear to kill them, so instead she mutated them into something else. Something everyone else wouldn’t kill on sight.” I swigged from the bottle again. “Cassie the Slug Lover. Kills Yeerks and cries over them.”

Jake took the limoncello from me, screwed the cap on, and laid it down in the grass. He put an arm around me. “Cassie. Stop repeating things the Drode said in the Pemalite ship.”

I sniffed back tears. “Why not? The Drode was right.”

Diamanta’s coil around Quincy tightened. Marco poked me in the shoulder, above Jake’s hand gripping me. “Jake wiped out all the Howlers with his little memory trick. Are you mad at him about that?”

“No,” I said quietly. “Just… sad. That it had to be that way.”

“You’re not even killing all the Yeerks,” Marco said. “Be sad if you have to. It’s not what I’d do, but you know, do your thing. But if you’re not mad at Jake, it’s completely stupid for any of us to be mad at you.”

“All of this is completely stupid,” I said. “Estrid could cook up some kind of nightmare in her lab – I talked with her in that room, she has _no_ morals. She could decide she’s totally fed up with us and morph and fly away. Even if she actually makes this thing, the Kryptonite, how are we supposed to get it in the Yeerk Pool? In the ships in orbit? What will the Yeerks do when they realize they’re losing control over their hosts? What will the Andalites – ”

Jake held a finger up to my lips. “Not now, Cassie. We’ll worry about that later.”

I pulled away a little. “What now, then? What are we even doing right now?”

“We’ve realized we’re all completely morally fucked, and we’re drinking to forget,” Marco said.

“We’re trying to feel a little less miserable,” Jake said. “Just for one night. Okay? I’m just – I’m _tired_ , Cassie.” The light was dying, mostly just reflections on the water, and I could see the dark pits beneath his eyes.

I laughed and wiped my tears with a corner of the blanket. “Fine. Cuddle up. Hold me and tell me I’m… I don’t know. Not a monster. A tree hugger. A girl you like.”

Jake moved to one end of the blanket, stretched his legs out in front of him, and held out his arms. “Okay. Come here.”

I moved to come sit between his spread legs.

Diamanta’s coils loosened. She separated from Quincy and Merlyse. Marco reached for her with one hand and the limoncello bottle with the other. “You guys have a nice date, okay? Thanks for sharing the limoncello. I’ve always wanted to see you two drunk. Now I have! My life has been enriched. You see something new every day, and sometimes it isn’t even traumatizing.” He wouldn’t make eye contact with us, and Dia hung from his hand as limp as an overcooked noodle.

“Wait,” Jake said. “There’s room on the blanket for the three of us.”

Marco stood there with Diamanta in one arm and the limoncello in the other. Merlyse and Quincy sat abandoned in the grass at his feet like toys. He raised an eyebrow. “Seriously?”

“I’m a big guy,” Jake said. “I can hug two people at once. We did it in Cassie’s barn that time, remember?”

“You can’t just invite me on your date with your girlfriend. I know you don’t have a lot of dating experience, pal, but that’s not how it works.”

“Cassie’s not my girlfriend,” Jake said. “I don’t know what we are. And – ” Merlyse hopped nervously back and forth in the grass. “Mertil says that’s how it works with Andalites. They don’t think you have to go out with just one person.”

“It’s not how it works with Hork-Bajir either,” I said. I wasn’t sure exactly what was going on here, but I knew whose side I was on. I didn’t want Marco to leave. “Remember Ghat and Meret’s wedding?”

“What _about_ their wedding? Jake,” Marco said, his voice rising. Diamanta wound in a circuit around his body, over his shoulders, across his back, around his hips. “Are you seriously inviting me on a date with you and Cassie right now because an Andalite told you it was okay?”

“It’s not a date,” Jake insisted. “You and Cassie went through a bunch of fucked up _bullshit_ on that spaceship and I’m trying to help. Take it or leave it.”

I sat on Jake’s thigh and patted his other leg. Marco sighed and put Dia back down in the grass, where she wound her tail between Merlyse’s legs and curled a circle around Quincy. “For the record, this is insane,” Marco said. “We’re not Andalites or Hork-Bajir, in case you haven’t noticed.” But he sat down in Jake’s lap with me, our sides pressed together against his broad chest, our legs overlapping on his. Marco felt delicate and bony as a bird. I held his hand, and reached for Jake’s big one. Jake held my hand and rested his chin on Marco’s shoulder.

Marco squirmed a little. “Is this okay?”

“Is what okay?” I said.

“I’m not trying to steal Jake or anything,” Marco said in a rush. His cheeks flushed.

“ _I’m_ the one stealing him,” I said, in a rush of laughter. It just sounded so ridiculous coming from Marco, with Jake’s face tucked right next to his neck. “You were here first.”

“That’s different!”

“Is it?”

Marco huffed and hooked his thumb at Jake’s head. “Do you _want_ to scare him off right now? What are you even doing?”

“You’re the only one who looks scared to me right now,” I said. “Though it seems like Dia knows where she wants to be.”

Jake leaned back on the blanket, so Marco and I were in a cuddle pile on top of him. It was nice and warm, all tangled together in the cooling air. “It’s fine, Marco,” he said, his chest rumbling underneath us. “I have no preference.”

“What does that mean?” I said.

“Something I learned from Mertil,” Jake said. “He says you don’t have to have a preference. Between, um. Boys and girls.”

 _Don’t laugh,_ Quincy warned me. _He’s being very brave right now. He’ll freak out if you laugh._ I struggled to keep the smile out of my voice. “You mean like… bisexual?”

“Is that what humans call it?” Jake said.

This time I couldn’t hold back. I burst out laughing. Marco did too. “You sound like Ax!” he gasped. “Have we spent so long hanging out with aliens we don’t know how to sound like normal people anymore?”

“Mertil’s the only person who’s ever talked about this stuff with me!” Jake protested.

“Alien sex ed!” I said. “You’re probably better off, honestly. I hear Chapman gives the sex ed classes in high school.”

“Oh my _God_ ,” Marco wheezed. “What was Mertil’s sex ed like, Jake? What are the Andalite birds and bees? Cassie can tell you what he got right – ”

“Shut up,” Jake said, messing up Marco’s hair with his knuckles.

Marco wriggled out of the way, Dia giving Merlyse a whack with her tail in revenge, and tilted his head back to look up at Jake. “Did you really ask _Mertil_?” Marco pushed. “Whether you can like boys and girls?”

“He has a husband or whatever,” Jake mumbled. “He seemed like the person to ask.”

“Stop giving him a hard time, Marco,” I said, poking him in the shoulder. “You asked me the same thing like six months ago. You said Ax was asking about it and you thought I might know the answer. It was a _very_ convincing excuse.” Quincy gave Dia a meaningful look from on top of her coils.

“Wait a second,” Jake said. “Why _did_ you ask Cassie about that?”

Marco made a disgusted noise against Jake’s collarbone. “Because I’ve always wanted to do _this_ , you asshole.” And he dragged himself up along Jake’s torso, grabbed his shirt at the shoulders, and kissed him.

I folded myself in the warm hollow between Jake’s arm and his side and watched at a sideways angle. Marco squirmed around on top of Jake and mashed his face hard against his, like he had too much crawling under his skin and the only way to get it out was to kiss it all into Jake. Jake lifted the arm that wasn’t tucked around me and wrapped it around Marco, holding him down and still. He kissed back slowly, eyes closed, like he was trying to hold onto every moment before it slipped away. His steadiness seemed to spread into Marco, relaxing him into an embrace instead of an attack. He pulled back and took a deep breath, his hair spilling long and black onto Jake’s cheek.

I hummed into Jake’s shirt. “That looked nice.”

Marco jolted in surprise. Jake held him in place. “You okay, Cassie?” he said.

“That was… not something I ever expected to do. But it might be the least surprising and weird new thing that’s happened lately? I don’t know. It was nice.” I raised myself up on one elbow. “Can I do it too?”

Jake smiled and nodded. Marco rested his head on Jake’s upper arm and said, “Okay. This is totally weird, but you know what? Just go ahead. I’m here for it.”

I huffed and ruffled Marco’s hair so it came down over his face. “You don’t get to complain. You got to have your first kiss before me.” I straddled Jake’s torso, caressed his jaw with my hand, and kissed him. He hummed, low and happy, into my mouth, and something inside my chest unknotted. I didn’t feel like a monster or a freak in that moment. I was just a girl who got to kiss a cute boy and make him happy.

Except that I could feel Marco pressed against my knee, and his breath near my shoulder. Except when I went into four-eye and Quincy was in the shelter of Merlyse’s wing, wrapped tight in one of Dia’s coils. Except that we were outside in the open air and we didn’t care who saw us do this thing that normal teenagers didn’t do.

“I’m okay with this,” Quincy murmured, soft but so all of us could hear. “We aren’t normal. Why do we have to do this normally?”

I collapsed with a sigh against Jake’s chest and threw an arm over Marco. I turned to look at him. “What it is about the three of us? This isn’t new or anything. We just seem to… I don’t know. Get each other.”

“When we were with Mom in Bachu’s basement,” Dia said, twisting her head around to look right at Merl and Quincy. “And we were trying to figure out how to get Mom out of going back to the Pool Ship with Visser One. There was this moment when it was like I was in a forest full of all these branching paths, and it was impossible to find a way out… and then I could just see the shape of it all. Like how cities have a shape, you know? I could see that one clear path that would get me out of there. And that’s when I knew the answer. You both get that, right?”

“Yeah,” I said. “I think we do.” And then, just because, I leaned over and kissed Marco too. He smiled against my mouth and slipped me tongue. I laughed in surprise and nipped at his tongue, just a little. He made a high pitched _mmmph_ sound, but didn’t pull away. I gave him one last firm smack, then really laughed. “You’re what my mom calls a rascal, Marco. Your second kiss and you’re already doing it with tongue. You’ve got to show us some respect!”

“Hey,” Jake said. “Why didn’t I get any tongue?”

“Sounds like Jake doesn’t need respect,” Marco said smugly, and kissed him again.

Quincy nipped at Dia with his fangs, and Merlyse tried to stop him with a pull to his tail, and the three of them devolved into a writhing tangled fight in the grass. I held onto Jake’s arm and laughed. And waited for my turn, which I was sure would come next, one way or another.


	8. <Carve a fire break through the brush>

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Encyclopedia of Concepts and Imagery in Andalite Thought-Speech  
> Entry: Defense  
> «Herd gathers around the young and the weak»  
> «Carve a fire break through the brush»

**DemonBarberFltStrt - Instant Message**

  


**JanathAPP**

Thank you for scheduling this with me so promptly.

  


**DemonBarberFltStrt**

Hey, it’s not like we have a lot else to do. How can I help you?

  


**JanathAPP**

We’re trying to move more Peace Movement Yeerks out of the Grash Akdap Pool. You have a steady Kandrona supply – we wondered if you could take some into your group.

  


**DemonBarberFltStrt**

Oh. HELL YES.

  


**DemonBarberFltStrt**

We’ve started telling chronically ill and disabled people outside of Campsite Rule about the work we’ve been doing, and people are going wild wanting Yeerks who can do what ours do. We haven’t been able to promise anything because we have no control. If you could send us some who are willing to put in the work, we’d pair them with excited hosts.

  


**DemonBarberFltStrt**

The Controller who brings our Pool around every three days is Peace Movement. They’ll approve it.

  


**JanathAPP**

Perfect. Not every Yeerk will be suited to the function these humans desire, but we will try to send Yeerks who are. What is the timing of the Kandrona?

  


**DemonBarberFltStrt**

Tef-rane, 11 a.m.

  


**JanathAPP**

You have no notion of the great liberation and opportunity you are bringing to us in an hour of need.

  


**DemonBarberFltStrt**

Oh, trust me, we are going to put these Yeerks to work.

  


**JanathAPP**

Let’s find a more secure channel for arranging times and locations.

  


**Rachel**

Everyone else was up for breakfast by now, but Jake was still sleeping. I went over to his bed and shook him awake.

Merlyse untucked her head from under her wing. “Whuh?”

“Rise and shine. Enjoy your breakfast while you can, because the Chee are gone and we’re gonna run out of food if we don’t do something.”

Jake groaned and clamped his pillow over his head. Merlyse said, “Shit.”

“I was just in the kitchen talking to Marjorie,” I said. “You know, the lunch lady? She’s basically taken over the food at this point. She says we’re gonna run out of food in five days unless we start rationing or go get some more.”

Merlyse leaned down from the bedpost and pecked Jake on the shoulder. He grumbled and rolled out of bed. I threw a pair of his jeans at him. “Get dressed. Where were you all night anyway? Cassie wouldn’t make eye contact with me this morning.”

Jake flushed red as he struggled into his clothing. Merlyse flew over, dragged an undershirt into his hand, and shot me a death glare. I cackled and waited for him outside the yurt with Abineng. When he stumbled outside into the morning drizzle, I practically dragged him by the front of his raincoat to the kitchen, where Marjorie stood under the tarp ceiling with a sheaf of slightly damp papers and a pen. Abineng stood next to her kudu dæmon in the rain.

“Oh, there you are, Jake,” Marjorie said. “I’ve been taking an inventory of what we’ve got, and here’s what I figure we need.”

It turned out that most of what we needed was food, basic stuff we could cook up in the kitchen, and some other essentials like soap.

Merlyse read the paper with little jabs of her beak like she was trying to peck at the words. Jake sighed. “We’ll have to steal it.”

I laughed. “No we don’t. My dad’s credit card can buy all this stuff, easy.”

Jake folded his arms. “The Yeerks will be watching anything going on with his credit card.”

“So we use it somewhere that throws them off the trail, load all the stuff in a rental van, and drive it out to the woods.”

Merlyse tilted her head in that way birds do. Jake said, “We’ll need some cash, just in case. And Loren to drive. And DNA for human morphs.”

Marjorie smiled. “Plenty of us got cash with us we ain’t using. And pretty much anybody in the valley would let you acquire us. Go right ahead.” She rolled up her sleeve.

Jake and I exchanged a look, shrugged, and acquired her. The steely glint in her eye faded away as she relaxed in the trance. I wondered when the last time she’d relaxed had been.

  


Which is how I ended up carrying a wallet and a shopping list in bald eagle morph out to Bakersfield. It’s a good thing we were flying over the Dry Lands or the birdwatchers would have had a field day.

It was kind of an awkward flight. No one was cheerful after the vote, and I was giving Tobias the silent treatment since he voted no. Childish? Petty? Sure. But he’d left me holding the bag of guilt and self-loathing for voting yes, so he was going to have to live with my pettiness, which I bet gives you way fewer nightmares.

Our first stop was a secondhand clothing store, which unfortunately we had to send Cassie into, because she’s the only one of us who can sort of morph real clothing: black tights and a simple blue dress, not something she’d ever wear normally. When she came back into the alley where we’d demorphed, I seized the bags of thrift shop clothes. “Oh my god!” I whisper-screamed through my teeth. “I can’t believe you got parachute pants!”

“They’re blue,” Cassie said with a shrug. “I thought you liked blue.”

“I don’t like _everything_ blue!” Abineng shifted behind the dumpster he was using as cover.

“Loren,” Cassie said, looking skyward, “could you please morph Takuya and find clothes here that fit?”

“Already there,” said Loren, in Takuya’s slow quiet voice, though without his Japanese accent. It was really strange to hear. “Uh, I’m not sure who should look or turn around right now.”

“We’re all over it at this point,” I said. “Andalites and Hork-Bajir are naked all the time. Whatever.”

I helped her try things on until she ended up in a Hawaiian shirt, cargo pants, and a hideous insect dæmon lanyard from the sixties with a holographic rainbow shell.

“Actually,” I said, taking it all in, “I’ve seen retirees on the beach who dress like this.”

“Great,” Diamanta said. “Now would you morph again? Abineng’s taking up half the space back here.”

So Loren went to rent a van with cash, looking just like the description on Takuya’s driver’s license of a sixty-two-year-old, five foot six man with an earwig dæmon. She drove the van out to the Costco, got out in the parking lot, and said, knowing our raptor ears would hear, “Anyone want to help me shop? I don’t think this body is going to be up to carrying sacks of potatoes.”

«Me, Rachel, Marco, and Cassie will help,» Jake said. «Ax, Tobias, you keep watch. Let us know if any Controllers show up.»

Nice. Tobias and I were splitting up on Jake’s orders. Way easier to keep ignoring him that way.

Cassie and Jake morphed human behind a dumpster, using all the DNA we got from volunteers, while Marco and I morphed into animals to be their dæmons. Marco went gorilla. I closed my eyes and pictured a pony from Cassie’s barn I’d acquired at the beginning, when she and I were testing whether this morphing thing was for real. As I morphed, I saw Cassie end up as a black woman built like a brick house, and Jake as a tall mixed guy built like an overcooked noodle.

«You’re going to need my help big time, tough guy,» Marco said, wrapping his big hand around one of Jake’s skinny biceps.

«Who’d you get those _muscles_ from?» I asked Cassie.

She shrugged. “You can’t see it because of all those big sweaters he wears, but Robin is kinda ripped.”

Jake put on the stupid blue parachute pants and a tank top, probably just to annoy me, and Cassie put on a loud kaftan. We came out from behind the dumpster looking like the cast of a sitcom about three wacky roommates who each stepped out of a time machine from a different decade. Loren grabbed a giant trolley from the front, flashed a Costco membership card from Uncle Steve’s wallet at the greeter, and marched in like a soldier on a mission. “I had to grocery shop on disability for over a decade,” she said. “Follow me.”

Marco grabbed the shopping list from Loren and squinted at it. «Ew. Why are there so many canned vegetables on this list?»

Cassie snatched it from him and passed it back to Loren. “Do you want to get scurvy? Because no fruits or vegetables is how you get scurvy.”

«Sacks of potatoes? Have we gone back to the olden days? What are we even doing here?»

Loren turned sharply into an aisle, forcing us all to follow. Between her teeth, she hissed, “Did you seriously think we were going to get a fifty pack of Hot Pockets? The basics are way cheaper. Cassie, could you load five sacks of rice on here?”

«I _know that_ ,» Marco said, glaring at Loren with dark gorilla eyes. Behind him, Cassie loaded rice sacks. «But we don’t have the Chee anymore. Who has the time to cook enough potatoes for like thirty people? ‘Cause none of us do.»

«Marjorie’s been a lunch lady at our school for like ten years,» I said. «She knows what she’s doing. And it’s not like the people in the valley who aren’t Animorphs have a lot to do. My mom is going completely stir-crazy, and I’m pretty sure she’s not the only one. I think they _need_ something to do. If it’s figuring out how to cook potatoes every day without getting bored of them, then why not! We can’t just dump a bunch of people in the middle of nowhere during a war and expect them to sit on their hands like good little kiddies.»

« _We_ don’t have time to go on secret trips to Costco every week!»

“That’s what we have the training program for,” Jake said quietly. Without Merlyse, with this strange thin face, he was hard to read. “It’ll be the noncombatants’ job to do this kind of thing. We’re just filling in the gaps until they’re ready.”

«Fine,» Marco said. «But we gotta double the amount of peanut butter, that stuff is a lifesaver. And I just saw a sale on sunflower seeds, those are way more filling than you’d think.»

I gave Cassie a look. I’d always had the vague idea that Marco had had to do way too much around the house after his mom died, but I’d never expected him to be a comparison shopper at the grocery store.

Loren waved a hand. “Fine. Stop lecturing me and help me find the good deals. At least we won’t have to worry about which ones we’re allowed to get on food stamps.”

  


After we loaded everything in the back of the van, Marco and I loaded ourselves in and demorphed. Loren started driving while Cassie and Jake found a place to morph bird and join Ax and Tobias overhead. Marco and I sat on sacks of rice against a wall while Abi stood in a clear space between pallets of canned tomatoes. “So,” I said, “did Jake finally ask Cassie out or what?”

Diamanta was so surprised she jerked and whacked Marco across the legs with her tail. “ _What_?”

“Jake and Cassie were out late last night and today neither of them can look me in the eye. You’re his best friend. Did he finally grow a pair? Spill.”

Marco flushed bright red and wrapped Dia a bunch of times around his neck to try and hide it. “What? I have no idea what Jake did last night! Why would I? I mean, he probably went on some stupid date with Cassie that he’ll never admit was a date and they just stared at each other and tried to kiss and totally couldn’t because they’re losers.”

“Holy shit,” I said. Ever since Dia settled, using her as a scarf to cover his face has been one of Marco’s tells. “Did you see them while you were flying around or something? Was it really bad? Did Jake screw it up?”

“I just _said_ I don’t _know_ ,” Marco said. He picked up a huge pack of vitamins. “I know we’re trying to save money, but couldn’t we have gotten those Flintstone vitamins? These pills are gonna suck. I’m not taking any unless Nora sneaks one in my – ”

“You are being so shifty right now and you know it. You totally saw them. God, it’s a good thing Loren bought one of those big rolls of condoms. Can you imagine what kind of weird morphing space STDs we could get? It’s a health teacher’s nightmare.”

“Jake – he – what – ” Marco’s whole face was having a breakdown, like his lips didn’t work anymore.

 _It is legitimately weird that he’s blushing and stuttering instead of making dumb jokes about condoms,_ Abi said, tilting his head at Marco. _If I didn’t know better, I’d say he’s… jealous? Embarrassed?_

 _Oh. Wow,_ I thought. _Is Marco gay? That would kind of explain a lot. Damn. What am I supposed to say?_ If he had a crush on Jake and he was getting serious with Cassie now, that kind of sucked for him. But it wasn’t like I could say “sorry about your gay crush on my cousin” and break out my jar of limoncello.

“You know what, you’re right,” I said. “Jake is way too much of a loser to need those. She probably got it for the adults. Maybe she wants to get with Robin now that she knows he’s secretly ripped.”

“Ew,” Marco said. “That’s Tobias’s mom.” But his blush was fading away.

“Hey, she’s still got it. I bet she could get a weird forest date if she wanted.”

«We’re getting close to the national forest,» Loren said in thought-speech. «When the road gets too narrow for the truck I’m gonna pull over so we can unload all the stuff. Get ready to morph.»

«We’ll need everyone as rhinos and elephants,» Jake said. «We’ve gotta carry this stuff the rest of the way in.»

“Pack animals,” Marco said. “That’s why Elfangor gave us our awesome powers. So we could haul big bags of dried beans through the woods.”

“Stop complaining, you big baby,” I said. “It’ll be good exercise for your rhino morph. Think about how long its DNA has just been sitting around in your blood with nothing to do. Let’s do it.”

  


**Ax**

«Hey, Ax,» Prince Jake said from overhead. «Do you know where Mertil is?»

«No,» I said, still running. Earth grass felt so much thinner and tougher now that I had been reminded of the satisfying lushness of my own world’s grass. «He comes to visit me at times of his choosing.»

«We need to find him,» Prince Jake said. «Morph raptor and help me.»

I gave up trying to fill myself on the grass and morphed harrier. I rose up and up from the meadow where I’d been feeding, and circled north toward the ravine.

«Cassie’s teaching the morphing class today,» Prince Jake said. I looked north of the ravine and saw Cassie high up in a stand of tall trees with her Hork-Bajir and human students. She gestured widely to the sky and to the ground, then leapt from the tree, starting a morph to osprey even as her hands let go of the branch. Her Hork-Bajir students thumped the tree with their tails; the humans gasped and shrieked. Feathers sprouted from her arms, already spread wide to slow her descent, and a feathered tail sprouted from the base of her spine. Before long, she shot back into the sky unharmed.

«Nothing we do can really make them ready, can it?» Prince Jake said, as we flew onward to the caves and the crash of the waterfall. There was an Andalite term for this particular arrangement of stone and water and tree, but after so long on Earth, it had faded from my memory.

«No,» I said, and wondered whether Escafil had known when she invented her ingenious device how much it would change everyone it touched.

After we reached the northern end of the valley, we circled back south along its eastern edge and found Mertil at the well the Chee had installed, dipping his hoof in a bucket of water. «Mertil,» I told him. «Prince Jake wishes to consult with you.»

Mertil startled, sloshing the water in the bucket. He backed away from it into the shadow of a tree. «Very well.»

We landed in the shade with him and demorphed. Mertil was a soldier, and did not flinch at the sight.

“You know about the Gold Bands, right?” Prince Jake asked Mertil.

«Elgat Kar told me,» he said.

“We have an Andalite ship on our side now,” Prince Jake said. “Ax says it’s basically an outdated clunker, but it flies. And has Shredder cannons.”

«You mean to launch an attack on the Gold Bands’ base,» Mertil said. «Has the pilot agreed to this plan?»

“The thing is,” Prince Jake said, “I’m not really sure I can trust the pilot. He was tried for cowardice in battle and sent on a suicide mission to infect the Yeerks with a killer virus.” Prince Merlyse croaked low in her throat. I pointed a stalk eye at her, and she fixed me with a hard stare. “There is a pilot on our side I think I can trust, though.”

«Me?» Mertil rocked back on his hind legs. «I did not come here to fight. I came here for my safety.» For the first time, he held up the stump of his tail, out to the side so we could see it clearly. «Jake and Merlyse, I am not a warrior anymore. I am a _vecol_.»

«No,» I said, taking a step forward. «You are Mertil-Iscar-Elmand, the greatest fighter pilot of our age. And – » I stopped to consider whether I truly meant what I was about to say, and found that I did. «And there is no reason why losing your tail should change that.»

«You have an intact pilot,» Mertil said, «and you wish me at the helm instead.»

«Yes,» I said. I agreed with Prince Jake. Commander Gonrod was a dangerously unknown quantity, while we knew Mertil to be an experienced ally who had every reason to want to strike back against the Yeerks.

«These dishonorable Andalites who came on the mission,» Mertil said, «will not take instructions from a _vecol._ They may not come aboard at all if I am at the helm.»

“Then we’ll leave them behind,” Prince Jake said. “Ax knows how to fly ships, we’ve seen him do it a bunch of times. We’ll take up battle stations or whatever else you need a crew for.” On top of Prince Jake’s head, Prince Merlyse spread her wings wide, like gray horns or a crown. “We’re not the Andalites, Mertil. We’re the Guardians of the Galaxy. We do things our way. Say yes.”

Mertil’s front knees bent. He had no tail to sweep in salute, but there was something dignified and unconquerable in him. «Yes, Prince Jake.»

  


“Are you sure no one can see us?” Marco said at the battle station of the bridge of the _Ralek River_. “It feels so weird to be flying around Santa Barbara in a spaceship. Like maybe we should make the local news.”

“The Gold Bands can probably see us,” Prince Jake said. “This ship’ll have _hrala_ all over it, and the Andalites probably didn’t have that in mind when they came up with their cloaking technology.”

«The particle is of focused but esoteric interest among Andalites, much as the particle you call the Higgs boson is for humans. We discovered both about fifty of your years ago.»

Prince Jake rolled his eyes. “You know it’s okay if the Hork-Bajir know more about something than you, right? Not all of us can be _hrala_ experts.”

“So you’re saying the people we’re surprise attacking can see us coming,” Marco said. “And this is our great plan?”

«I will come in low so their line of sight is blocked by the treeline,» Mertil said, with an undercurrent of hard-won patience.

“What do you think Estrid, Gonrod, and Aloth are doing out in the woods right now?” Marco said, twirling the end of Diamanta’s tail around his fingers. “Shit-talking us? Complaining about the grass?”

They had been as disdainful of Mertil as he had predicted, after the initial shock of learning that he was alive and terribly mutilated. Then they had been disdainful of me, for not only had I trusted humans over them, I had trusted a _vecol_ over them. I made no justifications for myself. I owed nothing to the likes of them.

The comms panel on the bridge blinked, and I rushed to answer the call. One of the greatest assets provided by the _Ralek River_ was the crewmembers’ personal communicators, though they could only be activated with thought-speech input. I opened a channel. «Report.»

«Wow, I feel so official when you say stuff like that,» Rachel said. «Anyway, Toby says we’re in position. Just waiting for you to bust this place wide open. Though heads up, there are a couple of Bug fighters parked out here. Not as big as your ship, but they could put up a fight.»

«And call for backup,» Tobias added, «which is something we definitely can’t do.»

«Noted,» I said. «Closing channel.»

“We’d better fire on the Bug fighters first thing,” Prince Jake said. “That’s the most serious threat to the _Ralek River._ ”

“Dibs on weapons!” Marco said.

«I will take the weapons station,» I said. «You have no experience on an Andalite ship.» I had shown them the basics before takeoff in case of an emergency, but I would feel much safer with just Mertil and myself at the helm.

“I’ve watched you do it,” Marco said. “And I rock at video games. Right, Jake?”

Merlyse flew past Diamanta, flicking her across the nose with her tail. “That’s what you tell yourself when I kick your ass,” Prince Jake said. “Ax, you take weapons. Mertil, ready when you are.”

Mertil suddenly took the ship very low, so it felt as if we must be clearing the canopies clean off the trees, but we did not. We must have been passing only through their upper leaves, like a wind. It was breathtaking to watch through the viewscreen. I had read about Mertil, and seen holos of his flight performance, but it was altogether different to be on board a ship with him at the helm. He was so connected with the ship, watching it not only with his eyes but with flicks of his ears and constant delicate brushes of his fingers along the controls.

«Get ready, Aximili,» he said. «We will be within sight in three… two…»

We broke the treeline. Our low angle meant that we had been hard for the Gold Bands to spot, but it also meant that we had had no vantage point from which to survey the site. I saw the Bug fighters at the same time they must have seen us. But we had known what to expect. I aimed and fired.

TSSSEEEWWW! The back half of the Bug fighter I targeted had melted into smoking slag. The other Bug fighter powered up and lifted away, avoiding my next shot. I distantly registered that Toby, her warriors, and the other Animorphs were rushing into the fray on the ground below. The remaining intact Bug fighter fired, and Mertil twisted the _Ralek River_ like an eel to evade. I tried to return fire, but with our own ship moving so unpredictably, I couldn’t make my shots. They went wide and struck the buildings of the training facility, flushing their occupants out into the open.

The comms station blinked. I had no time for it, but it could be an important message from the ground assault team. «Answer it!» I cried, hoping Marco or Prince Jake would remember what I had shown them.

Marco staggered toward the comms station as the _Ralek River_ bobbed and weaved. I was nowhere near good enough to keep up with Mertil’s aerial tactics, but I fired all I could, if only as a deterrent. The channel opened. It was video as well as thought-speech. A holographic window opened up in front of the many holographic overlays surrounding me and Mertil. It was the face of Gafinilan-Estrif-Valad. But it was not the warrior’s presence animating that powerful frame. «Andalites! Which one of you killed Alloran-Semitur-Corass?»

Mertil’s pale brown eyes blazed with fury. He stooped in a fierce dive toward the Bug fighter, too fast. Behind me, Marco and Prince Jake screamed and held on. I jerked the Shredder cannons around and fired. TSEEEWWWW! An engine nacelle disappeared, staggering the fighter. Just then, when we were screaming toward the ground, far too close, Mertil pulled the _Ralek River_ out of the dive and over the roof of the training facility. The ship groaned as its belly scraped the roof. When I was finally able to think again, I said to Visser Five, «What does it matter? Alloran was nothing but a tool to you.»

Gafinilan’s face radiated Visser Five’s menacing _djafid_. The Yeerk had clearly not forgotten the skill he’d learned from Alloran in his new Andalite host body. It was different now, though, with Gafinilan’s mental voice behind it. There was something deep and slow and weary about it. It seemed to enrage Mertil, whose stump twitched against his hind legs. I wondered how long he could keep piloting under the mental strain. I would have to tell Marco to close the channel. Except getting Visser Five to talk was the best way to stall him. Why wasn’t Prince Jake saying anything?

«Alloran was everything to me,» Visser Five raged. «He was my gateway into a glorious new life!»

I fired on a fleet of trucks sitting outside the facility. «None of us killed Alloran-Semitur-Corass! You did, when you separated him from Henga Sholeth!»

Visser Five’s dark, cruel _djafid_ seemed to swell through the thought-speech channel, choking up the bridge. Mertil sent the _Ralek River_ careening into the sky and stomped his forehoof hard on the deck. He roared at Visser Five, «BE QUIET!» and countered with the most exquisite and overwhelming _djafid_ I had ever experienced.

It was a bleak gray landscape of despair, vast and horizonless, with wildfires raging across it. It burned everything to ash, and from the ash grew love and hope and righteous conviction, as riotous and thorn-tangled and unconquerable as the depths of the Untamed Wilds. It sounded like Mertil reaching past the holographic display, past the bulkheads and empty air and Dracon fire separating him and Gafinilan, past the barriers of skin and bone and the Yeerk itself, straight to the core of his _shorm_ , and saying, _Nothing will stop me from coming to save you._

Gafinilan’s eyes widened. It seemed that while Visser Five was fond of using _djafid_ as a tool to intimidate everyone around him, he did not like it so much when he was on the receiving end. He cut the channel.

“Mertil, we have to go,” Prince Jake said urgently. “Visser Five is probably calling for backup right now. And now the Gold Bands know to look for us. If the _Ralek River_ gets damaged, our whole plan to make this weapon is out the window.”

The comms station blinked again. Mertil let his _djafid_ fade away, and slumped with the loss of it. Moving like a very old Andalite, he turned the ship around and flew away at top speed, taking the ship into evasive maneuvers to throw off any ship that might be watching.

Marco opened up comms. He couldn’t respond, though, since he was not in morph. «Report,» I said tersely.

«We’re clearing out,» Rachel said. «We grabbed as many as we could get. Not enough. There’s still plenty of Gold Bands out there to teach other Hork-Bajir-Controllers how to do their thing.»

«That is all we could have expected to accomplish,» I said, though it weighed as heavily on me as it must have on her.

Eventually, after an exhausting end-run around Santa Barbara to be sure we were not pursued, Mertil landed the _Ralek River_ where it had been, at the site of my former scoop. When he did, he was clearly reluctant to emerge from the ship again. I could understand. After what I had seen, the thought of the other Andalites’ revulsion toward Mertil scoured me. I could not imagine how to face it, or how to defend him from it. After Marco and Prince Jake stepped off the ship, I joined Mertil in his pretense of checking the bridge systems.

«Will you do the revenge ritual with me?» Mertil asked, after a long period of silent coordination at the helm.

«No,» I said. «Gafinilan is not dead. There is hope.»

«He will be,» Mertil said. «Soon.»

I didn’t want to tell him that Visser Five would certainly trap him in morph as another Andalite, even if it was not what Gafinilan would have chosen. In any case, he must have known. It was still true that Gafinilan would almost certainly be dead soon, one way or another. So instead, I said, «It does not help.»

«What?»

«The revenge ritual. It does not help. I performed the ritual after I learned of Elfangor’s death. It has been years, and I have not had my revenge. By now, I do not believe I will. Nor am I certain that I should. The quest for revenge brings no satisfaction. And perhaps – perhaps I have learned other ways to live with the loss.»

Mertil’s main eyes met mine. «You speak of the Hork-Bajir.»

«Yes. They have all lost more than either of us can understand. Yet they are not driven by revenge. They fight the Yeerks as fiercely as any of us. But I think they are able to see past revenge, to something like justice. So do not ask me for a revenge ritual, Mertil. If you must have something to guide you through this terrible time – perhaps you should ask Elgat Kar.»

With that, I left the ship. Estrid was lingering nearby, clearly eager to return. «Give Mertil space to go,» I said. «He is a _vecol_ in seclusion.»

«He let you in there with him,» Estrid said.

«The seclusion only applies to his fellow Andalites. Didn’t you say it yourself? I am a traitor. Now go.»

Estrid left. I stood outside the ship and waited for Mertil. He would have a long run back to Kref Magh, and he would not have to do it alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I imagine _djafid_ as an a cappella choir singing words I can't understand. For Mertil's _djafid_ here I heard Arvo Pärt's [Nunc Dimittis](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=icjcVr6j8gc). Listen to it all the way through; you will not be disappointed by the slow build to the righteous fire of salvation.


	9. <The garden plant outgrows the trellis>

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Encyclopedia of Concepts and Imagery in Andalite Thought-Speech  
> Entry: Graduation  
> «The garden plant outgrows the trellis»  
> «I correct my elder’s _shormitor_ »

**Aftran Plisam Pool**

****  


**Akdor’s Worst Nightmare – Direct Message**

****  


**Akdor’s Worst Nightmare**

Expression of surprise. Artificial beings allowed you access. Fear of last minute change of plans.

  


**Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill**

You mean the Chee? They did express displeasure, in their way. They have stayed behind camouflaging holograms at all times, only speaking to me when necessary.

  


**Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill**

I must admit that I am surprised that you agreed to this, let alone the Chee.

  


**Akdor’s Worst Nightmare**

A landside conqueror who will bespeak the People? I would not trade for the endless Pool beneath a cloudless sun.

  


**Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill**

@Luis and Zefirita, I believe we are having automatic translation issues in the chat system.

  


**[Chee] Luis and Zefirita**

The system still struggles with Yeerkish. Many of the Yeerks here know English but @Akdor’s Worst Nightmare does not. The translation provided to English is a literal one. A better translation would be “An Andalite who actually wants to talk to a Yeerk? I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” I will try to recalibrate the translation software.

  


**Akdor’s Worst Nightmare**

Thank you, @Luis and Zefirita.

  


**Akdor’s Worst Nightmare**

Back when I thought the Animorphs were a group of Andalite bandits, I spent a lot of time wondering what sort of Andalite would ally with Yeerks. That is still true now that I know only one Animorph is an Andalite.

  


**Akdor’s Worst Nightmare**

Oh. There is one thing you should know. This conversation will be recorded and archived for everyone in the Pool to read. Not everyone was in favor of the idea of me talking to an Andalite. I thought it might help if they could see what our conversation is really like.

  


**Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill**

I consent to the recording. Let what I say be a matter of record. I stand by it.

  


**Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill**

I suppose I do not think of myself as an ally to Yeerks. I think of myself as a fighter for a great cause, and it has become more and more apparent over time that there are Yeerks who fight for the same cause. Does this make us allies?

  


**Akdor’s Worst Nightmare**

Not necessarily. But it’s a foundation for an allyship.

  


**Akdor’s Worst Nightmare**

What would you say your great cause is?

  


**Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill**

Freedom.

  


**Akdor’s Worst Nightmare**

Funny. That’s what a lot of Empire Yeerks told me when I asked them what we were fighting for.

  


**Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill**

What?

  


**Akdor’s Worst Nightmare**

Did you think they would say “evil”? “Slavery”? “Galactic domination”? No one ever tells their own story that way.

  


**Akdor’s Worst Nightmare**

They said “freedom” because they wanted the freedom of the _javeshed_.

  


**Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill**

The last thing you said was not translated properly.

  


**Akdor’s Worst Nightmare**

I’ll rephrase. They wanted the freedom of having a host to move through and explore the world. And they wanted freedom from Andalite control. The latter is something I think all Yeerks, even in the Peace Movement, can understand.

  


**Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill**

Andalite control? We only instituted the blockade on your planet after you fled with Prince Seerow’s technology and began your conquest of Ssstram.

  


**Akdor’s Worst Nightmare**

The way I heard it from my people was that the blockade began after Akdor and their crew fled with Seerow’s technology, before any conquest started.

  


**Akdor’s Worst Nightmare**

But even if your version is true, my point still stands. What right did your people have to land on my planet, build military bases, and ban any interchange of technology with us?

  


**Akdor’s Worst Nightmare**

An anonymous benefactor connected the Aftran Plisam Pool to the human internet six rane ago. Those of us who speak human languages have an easier time with it than I do, but I have tried it with some help. The humans have words for what the Andalites did to Yeerks, before Seerow’s Kindness, before conquest and blockade.

  


**Akdor’s Worst Nightmare**

Occupation. Imperialism. Violation of sovereignty. You did it to us and then you did it to the Hork-Bajir. Perhaps you will do it to the humans next. Who knows who you may have done it to before us.

  


**Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill**

You are right.

  


**Akdor’s Worst Nightmare**

What?

  


**Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill**

You are right. When the _Ralek River_ came, and the Andalite who made the deadly virus told me it was necessary because Andalites could use it to end all evil, all war – I realized what it is that my people believe. That we are the only ones who can bring peace and order to the galaxy, because we are advanced and enlightened.

  


**Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill**

But if there is anything I have learned from my time on Earth, from learning the ways of humans and Hork-Bajir, it is that no one can win peace alone.

  


**Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill**

End a war alone, perhaps. But bring peace? Never.

  


**Akdor’s Worst Nightmare**

You have learned something on Earth, haven’t you?

  


**Akdor’s Worst Nightmare**

Was it you who brought us the human internet? Come to think of it, it would be well within an Andalite’s capabilities.

  


**Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill**

I have no comment on the matter.

  


**Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill**

Except to say that you would perhaps learn even more from human television if you had the sight and hearing to understand it.

  


**Akdor’s Worst Nightmare**

Some of the children have been attempting to re-enact scenes from human television in Yeerkish song and dance based on textual summaries.

  


**Akdor’s Worst Nightmare**

They achieved the most success with a story about a cruel person who taunts their companion, and the victim of the taunt realizes the perfect reply to the bully, but too late. As the children are all too often cruel to each other, they could all relate to the story.

  


**Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill**

I believe I have seen the episode in question. Unfortunately I can never understand or enjoy human comedy television, no matter how often the humor is explained to me.

  


**Akdor’s Worst Nightmare**

Was it a comedy? The children played it as a drama about the cruelty of people to their fellows.

  


**Akdor’s Worst Nightmare**

I suppose I will have to inform them that _Seinfeld_ is meant to be humorous.

  


**Ax**

When I arrived at the hiding place of the _Ralek River_ , the crew was clearly in the private meditation phase of a funeral rite. Arbat’s funeral rite. It could be no other.

In the absence of Arbat’s Guide Tree, a small holographic projector with its image was set among the Earth trees, the Andalites scattered around it, each facing in a different direction. Estrid was in traditional meditation pose, arms spread, tail swept back and out, main eyes toward the canopy. Gonrod had his tail wrapped all the way around a young tree and leaned his upper body against it like a lover, perhaps in some Wurilit practice I didn’t understand. Aloth’s tail moved restlessly and he stared blankly into space, as if he were waiting in line for a tram.

I landed on the other side of the _Ralek River_ and demorphed there, not wanting to interrupt. It only made sense that I was not invited to Arbat’s funeral, given that I abhorred him and one of my allies had killed him. Still, it felt strange, as if I were not a true Andalite in their eyes. Like Mertil.

Aloth came around to the main entrance of the _Ralek River_ first. He eyed me like a specimen under a microscope. «Why are you here? Will you mind us like wayward children?»

«Mostly Estrid,» I said. «Do you disagree that that is necessary?»

«No,» Aloth admitted. «The mad female will kill us all by accident one day if she is not curbed.»

«I am also here to discuss our short-term future,» I said. «It will take time for Estrid to develop the new virus. In the meantime, the Yeerks will advance their assaults on many fronts. We must be prepared to mount holding actions.»

«Here’s something to consider for our short-term future,» Aloth said. «What will we do when the rest of the Andalite fleet arrives? It is inevitable that they will. And whatever you may believe, we may all be judged as war criminals and traitors, and thrown into some prison while the fleet does whatever they see fit with this planet.»

I felt my tail sag lower despite myself. Aloth was right. The arrival of the Andalite fleet would be no salvation, but another terrible threat. And I had no plan for how to cope with that threat, though I ought to have been the one prepared for the contingency, of all the Guardians of the Galaxy.

Aloth must have read my thoughts in my posture, because he said, «Develop a plan, Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill. I, for one, have every intention to survive this war, however it may end.» And he boarded the _Ralek River_.

Gonrod came next. He had dirt and bits of bark caught in his pattern-shaved fur, and showed some self-consciousness of it, curling his tail to the side to cover himself. «Aximili. You told me that the Yeerks have a method for detecting this ship despite its cloaking technology.»

«Yes. They have discovered that the Hork-Bajir have an ability to – »

«Tell me later, if you must,» Gonrod snapped, showing some of the overbearing imperiousness he’d had when we first met. «I care about what this means for the ship and its crew. I must move the ship regularly to evade detection. What I need to know from you is how often, and to where.»

I startled. Another pressing issue that had evaded me. I was too preoccupied, caught up in vast questions about Andalites and Yeerks and the ethics of war instead of thinking like a soldier. «We have one of your communicators. I can keep you informed about Gold Band activity. As to secure locations – my _shorm_ Tobias knows this forest better than anyone. I will ask him to come speak with you.»

«Your _shorm_ Tobias,» Gonrod said slowly. «The _nothlit_. His mother told me some story about how he was sired by your brother in human morph.»

«It is true.» I did not like Gonrod’s phrasing, but it could hardly be said that Elfangor played the role of a father in Tobias’s life.

«If it is true, it is not an outcome of the morphing technology I had ever considered. Nor any other Andalite, I think. It is troubling.»

«Elfangor loved Loren,» I said, the long fur along my spine bristling upward. «They had _shest orf_. A strong foundation for a family. They built on it, as is anyone’s right.»

«Are you so foolish to think every Andalite – or I suppose human – will have _shest orf_ with individuals of other species they interbreed with? That they will not spawn offspring without understanding of their needs or care?»

Gonrod was right. It was a disturbing thought. But I thought perhaps the value of children born to two worlds outweighed the risk, though I would not say as much to Gonrod. Gonrod flicked a hindhoof against the ground dismissively and boarded the ship.

Estrid came last, carrying the holographic projector. She watched me with pure loathing. I waited for her to say something, and when she did not, I began, «What is your projected timeline for developing the new virus?»

«Is that what you have to say to me? Asking me when I’ll get to work, when I’ve just composted my scientific mentor?» I must have flinched visibly, because she went on, «Yes, he is in the composting unit in the medbay. It would not be right to bury him before a tree on this planet when there is a chance he could be sent home to fertilize his Guide Tree. I put him there myself. My fur matted with his dried blood and the microorganisms from the composter.»

If she thought she could perturb me with descriptions of gore and filth, she could not have been more mistaken. I had seen things even the likes of Estrid could never imagine. «I am not sorry he is dead. He tried to commit genocide by biological weapon. He meant for you and Gonrod and Aloth to die in the act. He tried to kill one of the leaders of the resistance on Earth. He was dishonorable to the last.»

«And you are so very honorable, asking me to adapt the virus to your own ends,» Estrid sneered. «As to your question – it depends. How safe do you want your weapon to be? How rigorously quality-tested? How many test subjects do you have available? I can rush the job, to be sure, but you may not like the results. The longer you give me to work, the safer it will be for your precious Yeerks.»

A war of attrition, with every day we bought with sweat and blood another day for Estrid to do her work. If she could be trusted to do it. It was a bleak vision of this next phase of the war. But we would have to accept it as the price of victory.

«We will buy you the time you need,» I said, hoping I told the truth. She gave me one last glare and boarded the _Ralek River_.

I nearly morphed right then to return to Kref Magh, but then the closed-off feeling of stepping into a soundproofed room surrounded me, and Lourdes appeared within a hologram sealed around us. «Lourdes,» I said, startled. «Have you been listening?»

“To Estrid, yes,” Lourdes said, “since she is my given responsibility. I should tell you, I suspect she might have collected samples from Arbat, though I can’t prove it. I’ll keep an eye out.”

«Samples?» I said, now truly alarmed.

“He attacked Toby. He had some of her blood on his tail blade. I should have thought of it before, but I was on a break while Estrid was taking care of the body, and it only occurred to me when I came back to the funeral and heard about what she did. I think she probably took a sample of Toby’s blood, but I’m not sure what might have happened to it. I think I should probably show myself to her, so I can intervene directly if I see her working with Hork-Bajir DNA.”

«Show yourself to her? In what form? Surely you cannot mean to reveal the existence of the Chee to her.»

“Of course not! Can you imagine what she’d do? No, I was hoping you could help me with that, actually. If I’m going to show myself, it might as well be in a form Andalites find very intimidating, but I’m not sure what that would be, exactly. Any thoughts?”

I considered the monsters from children’s tales and said, «Andalites once had a major natural predator. It was the leading cause of death for us, besides disease. I will do my best to provide you with an image.»

“Oh, excellent, that’ll be a great jumping-off point. You know, you should get some other guards on this ship soon. Like I said, I do take breaks. Just because I don’t have to sleep doesn’t mean I can be sitting around watching Estrid’s science experiments all day every day.”

«Why not?» I said, baffled. «You are an android. Surely you do not suffer from a limited attention span.»

“All right, I could,” Lourdes allowed. “But I need a way to get off this planet safely once this solar system isn’t an active battlefield. That takes some planning. Arrangements.”

«What kind of arrangements?»

“Jumpy, aren’t you? I guess that comes with the territory. Fine. I have some spare parts I stripped from a passing Skrit Na ship a couple decades back. Nothing essential, the ship was fine, just some stuff I thought could be useful. I’m trying to rig it into a basic cloaking device for whatever ship I end up riding out of here when the war is over.”

I still did not like this answer, but Lourdes had no incentive to betray us that I could imagine. So I said, «I am certain Toby will mobilize guards for the _Ralek River_ the moment I tell her about your suspicions. There is little she would hate more than the thought of Estrid having access to her DNA.»

“Estrid may not be the only thing I’ll be watching out for,” Lourdes said. “I’ve been spying on these three for a while, and none of them trust you. If it wasn’t for that Yeerk fleet up in orbit, and the threat of you telling the Andalite leadership about their little mission, they’d be long gone already.”

«I understand that,» I said uneasily. «Thank you, Lourdes.»

Lourdes modified the hologram to cover only herself, surrounding me in the sounds of the forest again, alone and uncertain. All we had left was a race against time, a struggle to stay alive, and a weapon being custom-made for us by a monster.

  


**Marco**

I’d been spending all of my overflowing free time as a high school dropout child soldier refugee racking my brains about how to keep Dad and Nora busy in the valley, and they both went and found stuff to do all on their own.

I found out what Nora was doing totally by accident. I was flying a patrol looking out for Gold Bands, and when I got back to the valley, I saw her in the meadow surrounded by Hork-Bajir children, and one adult looking on from a tree.

“Okay, Franaj,” Nora said, turning to one little kid. Euclid yipped and wagged his stupid little poodle tail. “Look. You have seven pieces of bark, and Sheth has three pieces of bark. How many pieces of bark do you have to give Sheth to share fairly?”

“Franaj not know,” said the kid in a shrill little raspy voice.

“That’s okay, we’ll figure it out together. Is it fair now?”

“No!” said Sheth. “Franaj have more bark!”

“Franaj, give Sheth one piece.”

“Thank you, Franaj.”

“Do we think it’s fair now?”

“No!” chorused the children. “Franaj have more!”

“Then I think you should give Sheth another piece.”

“Here, Sheth.”

“Good! It’s so nice to see children share,” Nora said, actually smiling from ear to ear. Euclid’s tongue lolled out of his mouth in a doggy grin. “What do we think? Is it fair now?”

“YES!”

“Sheth, how many pieces of bark did Franaj give you? Let’s count.”

 _Oh my God, she’s teaching math to aliens_ , Diamanta said. _She can’t go home and she’s living in a yurt in the woods and she still found a way to be a math teacher._

 _Ugh, that means she actually likes it,_ I thought. _And here I was convinced it was because she was the world’s most boring sadist._

I didn’t find out how Dad was keeping busy until he and Ax, of all the comedy duo acts, came up to me and Jake drinking coffee by the fire pit, while I was trying to find a way to ask him if he wanted to sneak off somewhere to make out. «Prince Jake,» Ax said. «Peter and I have established a secure communication channel to Eva and Aftran on the Pool ship.»

“How do you know it’s secure?” Jake said. Diamanta silthered in figure eights around my legs. She needed to chill out. We were about to talk to Mom. Everything was good.

Dad said, “I checked that it was her by asking where she kept her safety equipment.” I laughed. Mom bought safety equipment for her boat, lifejackets and hand-crank flashlights and a solar-powered radio, but she never actually put it on the boat. It stayed in the garage, waiting for Mom to actually put it in the car and bring it to the marina. Dad and I used to think it was so funny she always forgot the safety gear, until suddenly it wasn’t so funny anymore. I was impressed Dad could kind of joke about it now.

«When we had verified her identity, we asked her to check it was secure on her end, as we were confident of the encryption on ours. Contact has been re-established. She wishes to speak with us in approximately one of your hours.»

“Wait a second,” I said. “How are you even doing this? Is this like the Z-space transponder thingy you built a million years ago?”

«That was thirty of your months ago,» Ax said, still using “your months,” probably on purpose to irritate the crap out of me. «In this case it is a modification of a laptop computer, using parts from a communicator from the _Ralek River_ , which I accomplished with help from your father.»

“Keeping up with an Andalite! High five, Dad!” I said, holding up my hand. He gave me a weird look but high-fived me. Mirazai slapped the wall of her tank with a tentacle. Dia kept slithering around in circles in the grass because she’s a weirdo with no chill. “Score one for humanity! Peter Chen is our new planetary champion. No Yeerk encryption is gonna stop _this_ guy.”

Dad stepped back, bit his lip, and looked at Jake. “Um. Can I be there for the call with Eva? Ax could, uh, maybe use my help with keeping the comms channel open.” I felt a little bad for him. It must have been so weird for him to ask Jake for permission to do something, when Jake used to have to ask him permission to drink milk from our fridge.

Merlyse hopped up from the arm of Jake’s camp chair to the back, so she didn’t have to look up as far to meet Mirazai’s eyes. Jake said, “Peter, I know you want to hear Eva’s voice. But you might not like what you hear on this call. She has to do some really scary stuff to survive up there on the Pool ship. She might talk about a choice she had to make that is so completely screwed up you’ll have no idea how she can live with it. Are you ready for that?”

Dad pulled on his straps, hiking Mirazai’s tank up his back. His mouth flattened into a line. “Eva is suffering out there. She’s been suffering for years without me knowing. It’s time I knew. I owe her that.”

“Okay,” Jake said. “This time, you can be there. But don’t go telling people what you hear. We keep secrets for a reason.”

Dad nodded. He set Mirazai’s tank down with a groan and folded onto a log bench. “Are there any snacks in the kitchen?”

“Apples,” I said. “We got like ten pounds of ‘em at the Costco. There’s peanut butter and bread Jean made this morning.”

Dad rubbed his face with the heels of his hands. “God, I already miss the 7-Eleven. You didn’t get any Cheetos at the Costco, did you?”

“Nope. Just cheap healthy food. Loren is an absolute fiend with a shopping list, she can’t be stopped.”

Dad gave me another weird look. “Fine. You want to come with me?”

 _To talk about feelings with Dad?_ Dia thought, circling her way up my body. _Nope, dodging that bullet._

“Nah. I’m fine. Catch you later.” Dad shrugged, hauled Mirazai on his back and went to the kitchen. He was going to wreck his back living out here, but it’s not like he could use the tank’s wheels on the uneven ground.

“Hey, Ax,” I said. “You ever been on a date?”

Ax’s whole body twitched. «I – that is none of your concern. Why would you ask such a thing?»

“According to Mertil, Andalite dating is really weird. I thought maybe you could give us the lowdown.”

«Why don’t you ask Mertil, then?» Ax snapped, and trotted off in a huff.

“Touchy,” I said. “He’s definitely never been on a date.”

Jake folded his arms. “Marco, what’s gotten into you? You’re about to call your mom and you want to ask _Ax_ for dating advice?”

Diamanta slid from my shoulder and reared up to drape herself along the back of Jake’s camp chair. She whispered to Merlyse, “I don’t need dating advice. I’ve got game, baby. I’m already making it with two hotties.”

Jake flushed brick red, but Merlyse whispered back, “If this is some kind of scheme to get us to go make out in the woods, I’ve got news for you, dude: I am not a shiny toy you use to distract yourself whenever you get… whatever this weird horny sadness is. And before you try it, neither is Cassie.”

“Isn’t that what we did last night?” Dia said.

“Well, yeah,” Merlyse whispered. “But at least we were up front about it. No one was pretending we _weren’t_ sad.”

“Fine,” Dia hissed. “I’m horny and sad. Can we sneak off and make out so I don’t have to spend an hour thinking about it?”

“ _Fine_ ,” Merlyse growled, and Jake grabbed me by my elbow and marched me into the woods.

  


  


An hour later, we showed up at the meeting rock. Apparently we weren’t as good at hiding as I told Jake we’d be when I’d finger-combed his hair back into place, because Cassie gave us this tired, disapproving look. I tilted my chin up defiantly, and Dia slid over to Quincy to whisper, “You don’t get to look at me like that, you totally kissed me when _you_ were crying.”

I draped myself next to Dia over the meeting rock near where Dad and Ax had their dinky little laptop set up, plugged into one of our precious generators. Tobias was perched on a crag of the rock, and Loren and Rachel wandered in. “Almost in,” Dad said distractedly, typing something quickly.

The laptop beeped. There was a staticky crackle, then Mom said something in Chinese – I only understood “hello.” Dad jerked backward as if he’d been stung, took a deep breath, and said something back.

Mom switched to English. “I don’t have long, so I’ll get to the point. We’re making a move on Governor Hernandez, soon. Her husband has been recruited to the Sharing and he’ll get to her next. You have to warn her and get her on alert, fast. Tell her she can’t trust the infantry regiments, and there might be Controllers higher up in the National Guard too. And if you need to get her to trust you, play her this message.

“Hello, Celia. It’s Eva López. You know, your terrifying campaign slavedriver who helped you beat that Republican _pendejo_? Congratulations on making it to the governor’s mansion. I wish I could have been there, but I was busy being taken over by aliens. Yes, that’s right, I didn’t die in a mysterious boating accident, it was all a big fake-out by the alien who took over my brain. Do you hear me, Celia? This is my serious voice. The one I used after you dissed the ‘Nam vets at that town hall meeting.

“The Animorphs have probably already shown you by now that there’s more in heaven and earth, et cetera et cetera. If you want to survive the shitstorm that’s about to come down on you, trust them. Do what they say, even if it sounds completely crazy. And use your judgment. I managed your campaign because I knew you’d be a damn good mayor. Don’t let me down.

“Okay, message for Celia over. Just so you know, the California prison system is almost entirely under Yeerk control at this point, and like I said, they’ve made inroads in the National Guard. Definitely don’t trust the police – but you already knew that, Marco. The walls are closing in all around us. I can’t stop it. I hope you make that weapon really soon. Have you got anything for me?”

“Start figuring out a way to introduce the virus into the Pool on your ship,” Jake said.

“Oh, I know how to do that. That’s easy. It’s surviving it that’ll be the real miracle. Thank you for making this call happen, Peter. I love you, Marco. Goodbye.”

A silence fell across the meeting rock. I smiled at Dad, because that conversation was nothing like what either of us wanted to have with her, but it was still so good to hear her voice. Dad smiled back, but Mirazai was pressed flat against the bottom of her tank, bluish like the water like she wanted to disappear.

Finally, Rachel said, “Damn. We really are cut off from the news out here. I didn’t know the governor was a woman.”

  


**Walter**

The graduating students of the morphing training program gathered in a horseshoe around the meeting rock. I stood at one end of the horseshoe, out at the edge like I always am in a group.

I take up a lot of space. Have done since I was sixteen and Emeraude settled as a moose. I’ve come to love her just the way she is, but I hated it at first. Her form made life harder in a hundred different ways, especially as a black man in the South. White people would always glare at me when they had to step out into the street or a storefront to make room for Emeraude to pass by. How dare I take up space, their eyes said. So I try not to get in people’s way. Michelle always liked that about me. Emeraude makes this bubble of space that people don’t cross, and Michelle and Dashiell could stand inside that bubble and have a little breathing room in any crowd.

Toby, Cassie, and the other Animorphs stood up on the meeting rock. Toby was holding the blue box. I’d seen it before – they showed us the way it can disassemble into pieces and snap back together. But this time was different.

She made an announcement in the Hork-Bajir language, raising a cheer from her people. I’ve picked up odds and ends of Hork-Bajir, from hearing the other students talk. She definitely told them they did a good job, but I’m not sure what else. I like the Hork-Bajir a lot. At first I thought of them like a whole new species to study, learn the anatomy and behavior. But Toby especially made it crystal clear that they weren’t lost animals that needed rescuing, and I’ve come to understand that they’ve got a whole culture of their own that it’d probably take humans a hundred years to figure out the shape of.

When she was done, Jake spoke up. “Thank you for sticking with the training this whole time. I know it wasn’t easy. And I’m not going to lie – we really need you right now. We’ll lose without you. Believe that. But I want to give you one last chance to back out, because the moment you touch that box…” He waved a hand toward the morphing cube. “You’ll never be the same again. It doesn’t just give you a new ability. It changes you. I think I’ve shown you that. So. Are you all ready?”

Toby took a moment to explain what he’d said in her language for anyone who didn’t get it. When she finished, the Hork-Bajir roared agreement, and the other humans – Melissa, Jamal, and Julie – joined in. I was sure. If Cassie had joined a new world with the morphing power, then I wanted to live in that world, too, no matter how scary it was. Michelle had put her life and her freedom on the line to help Cassie, and I could do nothing less.

“Okay,” Jake said. “The way this works is you get the morphing power from whichever one of us you want. I’m going to guess the Hork-Bajir all want it from Toby.” There was a round of agreement. “Toby, you go ahead, then. Anyone who wants to get the morphing power from Toby, line up. When you’ve got it, come over to me and Tobias, and we’ll give you your first morphs.”

The horseshoe turned into a line leading up to Toby. I noticed Melissa in that line, and knew why. It was plain to see throughout the training that Melissa was scared stiff of the Animorphs, especially Jake. As each person in line came up to Toby, she looked them in the eye and touched their forehead blades together and said something personal. Then they both touched the cube for a minute, and it was done. They went over to Jake and Tobias. Some of them acquired Tobias, and all of them touched samples of fresh blood in little cups that the Animorphs had gathered from animals around the valley. Then they walked down to the creek to wash the traces of blood off their hands.

When Toby was done with most of the students, she passed the cube to Jake. He looked down at me, Jamal, and Julie. Something about the way Merlyse posed on his shoulder reminded me of a statue, maybe of Zeus and Nephele with a thunderbolt clasped in her beak. “I know what you want,” he told me, smiling a little. It was so small compared to smiles I’d seen from him as a younger boy, like it was pressed down flat by responsibility. He turned to Jamal and Julie. “How about you?”

“We want to get it from Loren,” Julie said, and Loren gasped a little, clasping her hand to her mouth. Tears gathered in her eyes. “If that’s all right.”

“Yes,” Jaxom said. “Yes, of course.”

Jake passed the cube to Cassie, and I stepped up the rock, which brought me high enough to reach back and pet Emeraude on the nose. When I looked back at Cassie, she had a startled look on her face, illuminated from below with the soft blue glow of the cube. “What is it?” I said.

“Did I ever tell you what my battle morph is?” Cassie said.

“I thought you used a lot of morphs,” I said, confused.

“I do. But all of us have one morph that we use in battle more than any other. You kind of get used to it, I guess. The instincts. How to fight.” Cassie rubbed the back of her neck and looked past me, over my shoulder. “I acquired the moose at the Gardens. So I’d bring you with me, when I was fighting for my life.”

My eyes stung, then overflowed. Emeraude made a lowing sound deep in her chest. I touched her arm, then went in for the hug when Quincy flew over to land on Emeraude. “Oh, Cassie. Oh, my girl. I know you had Emeraude’s strength with you. She was with you. You did.”

“I’m sorry, Dad,” Cassie whispered.

“What on earth do you have to be sorry for?”

“You taught me to respect life,” Cassie said, “and I – I – ” She shook against my chest.

I knew what she was talking about. Her plan. The virus. I didn’t like it, but it was clear as anything that she didn’t like it either. “Remember Mom’s story about the men who tried to take the farm away from her mama?” Cassie nodded, but I went on anyway. “They gathered all their friends around town and kept watch on the farm. They set up pit traps, and when those men came in the night to burn the barn down, your grandma and her friends chased them off with pitchforks.” I didn’t know if the story was true – no one ever really knows, with family tales – but I always thought it was an important one for my daughter to hear. “The Yeerks came to _our_ farm, Cassie. They figure it’s theirs and we have no right to it. We stand our ground and we _keep ‘em out of our house_.”

Cassie pulled back and held out the cube. Tears shone on her cheeks. “All right, Dad. It’s your turn. You know what to do.”

I reached out and focused on the blue box. I felt a tingle in my hand that made me laugh out loud. Emeraude pressed her head against the small of my back, holding me up, taking it in. Cassie laughed too. “Yeah. I felt the same way.”

When I let go, Jake came over holding two little medicine cups of blood. “This one’s merlin, and this one is black bear. I don’t think I have to tell you what picture to have in your mind.”

«I worked hard to get that merlin blood,» Tobias said.

“I’m sure it made you work for it,” I said. I touched the merlin blood first, picturing the swift little raptor with its rusty underside and slate gray wings. “Thank you,” I murmured, thinking of the confusing day that merlin must have had when a red-tailed hawk came after it.

“You’re welcome,” Jake said, not getting it wasn’t for him.

Cassie smiled, and I think she understood. “We ganged up on the black bear as wolves. It’ll be okay. We didn’t get it too bad.”

I touched the black bear blood and said thanks.

“I think Jamal and Julie are ready,” Jake said. “I’ll go help them out. The other students are gathering by the creek. We’re all going to do bird morphs together.”

Cassie and I got down from the rock, next to Emeraude. She linked her arm through mine, and we walked down to the creek, where I could wash the blood off my fingertips. Emeraude and I kept to the side of the group, but we could hear everyone talking excitedly.

The other Animorphs joined us with Julie and Jamal. Toby raised her voice, spoke in Hork-Bajir, then said in English, “Is everyone ready? Picture your bird morph in your mind, nice and clear. Don’t be afraid when the changes come. It’ll be okay.”

I built up the merlin in my mind, starting from its fast-beating heart. I added the four-chambered lungs, the gizzard, the stomach, all essential organs, then the ribcage holding them in with its sharp keel, the powerful wing muscles anchored to the keel, the spine, the skull with its big eye sockets, the wing bones that were just like my arm and finger bones but rearranged, the tail like my ancestors used to have, the scaly legs, the skin, the eyes fixed in their sockets, the sideways eyelid, the keen mind searching for prey. I almost faltered when Emeraude disappeared, but she said, _come on, you could remember this stuff during finals week at vet school, you can remember it now,_ and I kept visualizing even as my body seemed to melt away like candle wax and re-form itself.

I opened my eyes, and I was surrounded by other raptors. I was in danger! Quick as I could, I took to the sky, racing far away to find my own territory, and safety.

«Dad! You’re an _estreen_ too!»

My fledgling! I had to protect my fledgling from the other raptors! Where was my child? I only saw adults –

«Cassie? Where are you?»

«Nice. You got a grip pretty quick. I’m the osprey above you. But _wow_ , Dad, you’re an _estreen_! It must be because of all the veterinary – »

« _Cassie_ ,» I said, looking down on the valley. I could see the waterfall crashing down into the burbling creek, the stands of Douglas fir, the human and Hork-Bajir camps, the birds foraging for seeds and the squirrels rustling the branches. _Everything._ The world was so much bigger than I’d ever known, even when I’d been a little kid and Emeraude would turn into a snail kite and fly as high as she could go. I didn’t have to worry about how much space I was taking up, because I had the whole sky to spread my wings. «Cassie, I’m flying!»

Above me, the osprey circled. «I know, right? It’s the most amazing thing in the world.»

«I wish Michelle could see this. We’ve both treated birds at the clinic, but this – to see the world the way they do – what is it _like_? Treating a sick raptor, knowing what the sky looks like through their eyes?»

 _We wondered that so many times,_ Emeraude thought, _studying a bird’s lungs, wondering what it’s like to breathe the air up here –_

«It changes everything. How could it not? Nothing’s ever the same after this,» Cassie said. «Come on, let’s get out from under these clouds. The sun’ll hit the ground, and there’ll be these updrafts of warm air called – »

«Cassie,» I said. «I know what a thermal is.»

Cassie laughed. «Of course you do. Come on, let’s go catch one!»

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The _Seinfeld_ episode referenced in the chatlog is "The Comeback."
> 
> Hey everyone, remember [the last chapter](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10932762/chapters/25521861#workskin) of The Tree of Life when Marco mentioned that Eva "ran the campaign for the first Hispanic woman to become mayor of Santa Barbara"? Yeah, she totally became the governor.
> 
> Thanks to hooah_cdt for correcting my facts about the California National Guard.
> 
> I highly recommend rereading the last scene of the fic when Walter morphs for the first time while listening to the string quartet piece [Shine You No More](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hhnZK-NxcQk), which was my soundtrack for writing it.


End file.
